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Original poster

Friend not looking after baby

30 replies

moodkk · 14/11/2021 16:23

My friend has a 4 month old baby. I thought it was really odd that she was putting up pictures on Instagram of herself at the gym & pics of her out on her bike nearly every day as I didn't have 1 minute to myself after having a baby but thought god she looks like she's coping well. Never any pics or mention of the baby on social media.

I bumped in to her Mum yesterday and she said how friend has been dropping the baby off with her on a Friday and just turning up a few days later. No message to see how the baby is and no time arranged to pick the baby up. She then turns up most days and leaves the baby with her Mum so that she can go to the gym for hours at a time and spends most of the day biking. The Dad has also turned out to be useless and has no interest in the baby whatsoever.

I just feel so sad about the whole situation. The Dad had wanted a kid for absolutely years and now that it's here he doesn't give a fuck. Sounds like my friend doesn't give a massive fuck either as she keeps palming the baby off so she can carry on her old life. It is so selfish. I want to say something (in a helpful way or ask her if she's struggling) etc but it's an awkward one isn't it? Would you do anything to try and help or just let her realise her own mistake?

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 14/11/2021 16:26

are you actually friends or is she just someone you know? It seems strange that you'd only know this from speaking to her mom after 4 months if you were good friends.

If you're good friends, meet her for coffee and find out how she actually is.
If you're not, leave it alone.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/11/2021 16:27

I wouldn't say anything because nothing you say would make a difference, but I also could not be friends with someone like that. What a sad situation.

mayblossominapril · 14/11/2021 16:29

It is difficult. It’s good her mum is looking after the baby and it will have a really close bond with grandma.
The only thing you can do is ask if she is struggling and suggest where she can get help or info on the net.

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RunningFromInsanity · 14/11/2021 16:30

Not your business.
It’s up to the grandmother to say something if she’s not happy with the arrangements.

PhoboPhobia · 14/11/2021 16:33

She may have PND. If the Father is useless this will be even harder and she may well be filling her time with gym etc to avoid dealing with how she is feeling.

She needs support not judgement.

trevthecat · 14/11/2021 16:34

Maybe she does give a fuck but is clouded by post natal depression

DLB22 · 14/11/2021 16:35

You don't know what she is going through. Maybe she has postpartum depression and exercise is a way of coping. It's not like she is going out partying. Maybe she is struggling with her self esteem and self image. I couldn't even look at my body postpartum. If she is your friend maybe reach out to her and ask how she is. Please don't judge her without knowing the facts.

Terminallysleepdeprived · 14/11/2021 16:38

Sounds like she needs help and support not judgement.

I hope you are a better friend in real life than you have come across here @moodkk

As others have said, speak to her. If the dad has turned out to be a cocktail it could be that hse is struggling and finding any way she can to survive. PND can often present with mums running away from their situation.

ShinyHappyPoster · 14/11/2021 16:39

You're not a friend. Leave her alone.

Thatsplentyjack · 14/11/2021 16:42

I don't think you sound like a bad friend OP people on here are so quick to pounce!

ManicPixie · 14/11/2021 17:34

She sounds awful but it’s really none of your business. Making a ‘helpful suggestion’ to her would not be appreciated or acted upon.

Theunamedcat · 14/11/2021 17:36

Maybe she had the baby "for him" and he has now left her holding the baby

SleepingStandingUp · 14/11/2021 17:36

Close friend? Yes I'd be asking. I'd suggest coffee out with the baby too.

Someone you kinda know in passing? No. It's on the Mom really to say no.

Bagelsandbrie · 14/11/2021 17:39

As others have said could be lots of stuff going on- post natal depression etc. She’s lucky to have her Mum.

If you genuinely care about her drop her a message and ask if she’d like to meet up for a catch up? I wouldn’t let on that you know anything weird is going on.

Chelyanne · 14/11/2021 17:39

I'd find it odd too but each to their own. So long as baby is being cared for by someone just leave it be.

I totally get the need for workouts. I was back lifting in the gym at 10wk pp this time (had c-section), I have our 3mth old baby with me though. I really need it for physical and mental health.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 14/11/2021 18:00

If you're close you could have a proper convo about how shes feeling about having a baby etc. She may brush it off at first, but tactfully keep trying because you'll crack down the exterior eventually and she may open up.

I doubt very much that she doesnt give a fuck. How old is she?

CreepySpider · 14/11/2021 18:03

So the father wanted the baby, now isn’t interested and yet your judgement is about her? Maybe she has already realised the mistake she has made and that’s why her mum is helping out so much.

Either way, the fact you only know about what is going on her in her life is via social media and a chat with get mum says to me you aren’t close friends at all.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 14/11/2021 18:05

Either way, the fact you only know about what is going on her in her life is via social media and a chat with get mum says to me you aren’t close friends at all.

Agreed

SleepingStandingUp · 14/11/2021 18:07

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

Either way, the fact you only know about what is going on her in her life is via social media and a chat with get mum says to me you aren’t close friends at all.

Agreed

Actually yes, this.
teaandbiscuitspleaseplease · 14/11/2021 18:11

Invite her out to a baby-friendly activity and see if she’s up for it. She might be desperate to go out of the house but struggling ti adjust ti doing so with baby. Go and get a coffee with her in a soft-play that has a nice baby corner.

50ShadesOfCatholic · 14/11/2021 18:12

Close friend? Or massive gossip Hmm

All this feigned concern. See if I am worried about a friend I call them, I don't jump on social media to breathlessly share what they've posted on social media (oh the irony)

AlohaMolly · 14/11/2021 18:16

People parent differently. She’s not leaving the baby in the house alone or on a church doorstep. What she’s doing wouldn’t be for me and it’s not how I parented my baby, but if the grandmother is happy and competent then it really is none of your business.

1forAll74 · 14/11/2021 18:31

I would leave it to her Mother, to try an sort her daughter out, if she is a normal sensible Mother.. Your friend sounds ultra immature, and is living in her own childish and selfish world. What an awful start in life for her little baby..

Atozofpoodles · 14/11/2021 18:34

If her mother isnt happy with the situation she should address it with her daughter and partner. Its absolutley nothing to do with you. Good for them, that are looking after their healths while baby being cared for.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 14/11/2021 18:38

Id do the same for my son if he had a child. I wouldn't mind at all. Not everyone can cope with full time motherhood. Men do this all the time and nobody bats an eyelid.