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Parenting

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Original poster

Problems with Daughters dad.

23 replies

Mum2OneDramaQueen · 14/11/2021 15:21

Hi, my first post here.
I wonder if anyone has ever been in a similar situation and how did you resolve it?
Me and my daughters ex have been broken up for over 2 years now. He see's her every weekend.
I've recently met someone else, and me and my daughter have moved an hour away from where we have always been. Well, her dad is making my life very difficult. He took me to mediation and tried to stop me moving. - Didn't work. Now he expects me to drive her down every weekend, something I've done since we moved, but he will never meet me halfway or even come down himself. He drives too. It's really getting me down and making me depressed how he speaks to me, demanding stuff, filling my daughters head with all things she shouldn't be hearing, turning her against me. She is 6 years old. Any advice?

Thank you so much!

OP posts:

loopyapp · 14/11/2021 15:31

I'm sorry but how would you feel if he moved her an hour away from you to live with a new girlfriend and then said you had to share the commute?

He's right to be furious. Though he shouldn't be telling her about it.

4amstarts · 14/11/2021 15:32

I could be wrong but since it was your decision to move and you forced it then it's up to you to pay for and do all the travelling.
Did you move away for your new partner?

Hapoydayz · 14/11/2021 15:34

Why doesn't your dd ever get to spend weekends with you it should be every other weekend.

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Original poster

Mum2OneDramaQueen · 14/11/2021 15:35

@4amstarts

I could be wrong but since it was your decision to move and you forced it then it's up to you to pay for and do all the travelling. Did you move away for your new partner?

Yes, I moved to live with him.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mum2OneDramaQueen · 14/11/2021 15:35

@Hapoydayz

Why doesn't your dd ever get to spend weekends with you it should be every other weekend.

He won't ever let me have her on a weekend.

OP posts:

nimbuscloud · 14/11/2021 15:36

How recently did you meet your dp?

Original poster

Mum2OneDramaQueen · 14/11/2021 15:38

@nimbuscloud

How recently did you meet your dp?

We've known each other for a long time through work, officially been together for a year now.

OP posts:

Hapoydayz · 14/11/2021 15:38

He doesn't get to let you. You need to go to court and get an order. It is not down to your ex to unilaterally decide he gets weekends. Really not fair on your dd.

4amstarts · 14/11/2021 15:40

So you've "recently" met someone else and you've already moved your daughter in with him and an hour away from her dad?? No wonder he's pissed. I would be too. Not saying all his behaviour is acceptable but surely you can understand his motives?

loopyapp · 14/11/2021 15:40

@Hapoydayz

He doesn't get to let you. You need to go to court and get an order. It is not down to your ex to unilaterally decide he gets weekends. Really not fair on your dd.

So he should only see his daughter four days a month?? Whys that fair? OP moved away, impeding on the relationship between father and daughter which is no less important to the child.

Original poster

Mum2OneDramaQueen · 14/11/2021 15:43

@loopyapp

I'm sorry but how would you feel if he moved her an hour away from you to live with a new girlfriend and then said you had to share the commute?

He's right to be furious. Though he shouldn't be telling her about it.

If he cared about more about 4 days a month, he would also help in holidays off school. In mediation his quote "I'm not helping with holidays or out, Friday to Sunday is my time, not my problem any other" literally get no other help.

OP posts:

Hapoydayz · 14/11/2021 15:47

Loopy app he could also have half holidays which is a lot of time

Evelyn52 · 14/11/2021 15:50

Sorry but I'm with the ex on this one, you decided to move and take his daughter away because you've got a new partner who's obviously more important l, I'd make you do the fucking driving every weekend as well, it was your choice, enjoy.

TaraLewis · 14/11/2021 15:54

Who ever moved should do the driving.

nimbuscloud · 14/11/2021 15:56

How does your dd feel? Does she like your dp?

WonderfulYou · 14/11/2021 16:09

Whoever moved is the one who does the travelling.
If it was him that moved then he would have to be the one doing the travelling.

What was the reason you moved in without new partner and he didn’t move in with you?

YRGAM · 14/11/2021 19:08

You moved you drive I'm afraid

Original poster

Mum2OneDramaQueen · 15/11/2021 10:21

@Evelyn52

No need for swearing is they. Thank you for your comment though 👍🏼

OP posts:

Ihaveoflate · 15/11/2021 10:46

Sorry, but I'm also with your ex on this issue. You decided to move your child away from her father to be with your new partner. It doesn't sound of either of you are putting her first.

His rudeness and lack of interest in parenting at other times (e.g. holidays) is a separate issue and I have some sympathy with you on that score.

Internetio · 15/11/2021 10:48

So he gets all weekends when there's no childcare needed, but you have to sort out all school runs and childcare to enable you to work but no actual decent time with your daughter without being frazzled from the constant running around and logistics of a small child... fuck that shit!

My narc sperm-donor decided that alcohol was more important than his children and doesn't bother with them (probably for the best in all honesty) but if he did want to spend some time with them I wouldn't accept taking all the crap bits so that he has a lovely easy fun weekend- that's Disney Dad-ing!

You should be doing the driving though- I agree if you've made a conscious decision to move away then that's fair.

Itsjustrenee · 15/11/2021 10:52

Unfortunately you’ve moved away so you’ve done your own legs. You’ve created the situation but you expect him to do the travelling. The issue is of your own making. Surely this should have been one of your considerations when deciding whether to move.

Pompom2367 · 15/11/2021 10:53

If you moved op I kind of agree you should do the traveling

Classicblunder · 15/11/2021 11:00

You said he gets you to drive her down every weekend, does that mean he drives her back?

As others have said, it is pretty reasonable that you do the driving as you moved. Is moving back an option if you dislike the driving so much?

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