Need help putting together a diet and routine for my children

[Adriana87]

Hi all

I have two children aged 4 and 2 and think I'm failing them with their routines and activities. For context, but myself and my partner work 5 days a week and each day one of us will be home. Typical schedule is:

7am - Getting kids changed, fed and dropped off to school.

9am - Get home from the school run and start work.

3pm - take my "break" to pick up the eldest and get home around 15:30 where he will sit in front of the TV or iPad until I've finished work.

5:30pm - second school run to collect youngest from nursery, partner from the train station and home before 6pm.

6pm to 7pm - Kids are fed and bathed and then have 30 minutes to do what they want before sleep at 7:30pm.

My main concern is I feel like the kids, especially the eldest, is spending too much time just sitting down watching TV or being by himself whilst I work. On the weekend, the eldest will go football on the Sunday but apart from that, I do struggle to see what else to do with him.

Also, when it comes to food he's a fussy eater. Or can be, dismissing things before he's even tried them. We end up giving him rice or mash with some kind of processed chicken. Any tips to get kids eating ANY vegetable and trying something new?

It's not that unusual but I get your concerns. During the time your kids have been fed and bathed and then have 30 mins to themselves...that's really time you should be giving them one to one time to play a game.

I assume you're reading them a bedtime story when they go to bed?

The half an hour to themselves isn't necessary because they've had that...or at least the elder has when he's gone on the ipad whilst you finish work.

Slot in half an hour of board games or imaginative play in that 'free" half hour the kids have had...

And make sure you always read to them in bed.

What foods does your son like? One of mine was fussy and I can give you some ideas if you say what he will eat.

I think they’re probably a bit young for a board game before bed but definitely spend some 1:1 time with them both in that window after the bath.

When the older one comes home and has to occupy himself while you’re working, can you not maybe allow him some screen time eg 30 mins but put a limit on it and then get him to do colouring, books, puzzles etc? Will he not play by himself at all during this time? What kind of work do you do, are you able to pop in and out and sort of supervise transitions between different activities?

Another thing you could do to make him feel more grown up is put out a selection and let him choose his own after school snack, get a little plate, pour a drink etc.

To be honest it does sound like quite a lot to ask from a 4 year old to occupy themselves for 2 hours after school every day. Can you not put him in after school club a few times a week? Then you wouldn’t have to feel so bad about him just watching tv on the couple of days you do have him.

I don’t understand why you’re not doing other stuff with them at the weekend though? Do you not go out, go to parks or soft play or swimming or anything? What about your partner what is he doing at the weekends? I know it can be hard with young ones to fill the time, we tend to carve up each day into little slots so like today DD3 was up and had breakfast then had a bit of tv time and then she got dressed and played in her room for a while. Then she had a snack and we got ready to go out, we drove to town and had a little mooch round town. We took a lunchbox for her and went to a park for her to have lunch and then she had a run around and play. Back home and she wanted to watch the gruffalo so she did that while we had a cuppa and then my DH took the baby out for a walk for a nap and we did some baking while they were out. Then more playing and then dinner, bath, bed. So nothing special at all but it’s a bit of variety, we try to go out every day even if it’s just to the park. Or sometimes I take her to the shops and give her a little list and she “helps” me.

I don’t have any specific advice on food but does he has rice/mash and chicken every day? What about fruit or veg? How’s his other meals?

I worked full time outside of the home. My DS used to go to after school club for a couple of hours after school - for fun, for running around, for friends and games and cooking.
Once a week I think you could stop work early and take him swimming or to another activity where he gets to spend 1-2-1 time with you. But it doesn't have to be you - it could be his other parent. Once a week his other parent could WFH and do the school pick up
It's just a bit empty otherwise.

Hi, yes if you can't interact with them due to work, then if possible I would opt for after school club.

Regarding food - what do you and DP eat? I would start giving them that.

@Rugsofhonour to be fair it doesn’t sound like OP is taking the piss with her employer - she’s not doing childcare during that time. She’s working. Hence why the DS is just watching TV.

How about whichever parent is home that day starting work at 5:30-7am, or 6-7:30pm? Then one of you will be available to the 4yo. If not, look into a childminder or after school club.

I don’t think a 4 year old should be left alone while you’re working. If you weren’t wfh you’d have to use wraparound care or a childminder or something, or change your working hours, so it should be the same in this case. I don’t think it’s worth saving a few quid to then be worried he’s spending too much time sitting in front of the tv.

At that age I would do chopped fruit and veg mix on the table at every meal time that they help themSelves to in addition to meals.

So for example chopped apple / tangerine and cucumber

Meals you can prepare at the weekend such as cottage pie / spag Bol

It sounds like a very late tea in my opinion, mine would eat at 4 (and have dinner in nursery if I'm at that time)

Then it would be to a sports club

4 year old clubs can be martial arts, gymnastics, footy

I would definitely send the older one to after school club for a few days a week, it's much more fun than sitting being quiet while you work.

Regarding the food, it's a slow burner, but if you can all eat together when you get home, that can be a good way of getting different things on his plate. If you have a regular rotation of meals he'll get used to them. Not a quick fix though!

Your morning routine sounds fine.

Ways to get kids to eat a wider variety of food are
1 get them involved in preparing food
2 hide veges in food eg Bolognese
3 give them chopped veges as soon as you get home when they are ravenous
4 for each meal give food you know they will eat plus new food. If they don’t eat it, remove it without comment but persist.

5 try preparing things in different ways. Some kids eat raw carrots but not cooked. My kids love roasted cauliflower but are less keen on steamed.

I’d also give your 4 year old other options after school rather than just tv. Drawing, duplo, play dough. Maybe some audio books
On the weekends can you either go to a park or go for a walk/ bike ride each day? Or scooters. For Christmas I’d be buying them outdoor toys to get them out and about. Do you have a leisure centre with a pool close by? See if they enjoy that. It’s a good family activity.

On wet days make forts at home and give them a little picnic underneath. Try plain popcorn, chopped fruit and veges.

Are you reading to them each night? I’d make that a priority because then they might pick up books more and read them during their free time.
Could you do some batch cooking on the weekend eg bolognese? Will they eat eggs- quick and healthy.

Best wishes, it’s not easy

It's tricky if he's fussy but you need to be serving him veg every day.
You can't make him eat it, but at least he has the opportunity.
Lots of kids prefer the texture of crunchy veg (carrot, pepper, cucumber sticks).
We used to call cherry tomatoes "power tomatoes" and they would always try and eat more of them than we got.
What are you eating? Do they see you eat, and enjoying veg?
Weekends: walks, swimming, park, disco in the lounge?

I'm thinking the school club may be a good idea. Because he used to spend so much time. In nursery (8am to 6pm), I was hesitant of putting him in school club as well. On the weekend we will do the park etc. and each month I'm looking to take him out somewhere like the aquarium or something.

In terms of eating -

Breakfast is usually Weetabix, sandwiches for lunch and either rice or mash for dinner with some kid of meat (frozen chicken).

Your weekday sounds fine. Maybe after school club for your eldest. My eldest just started school & after school club is the favourite part of her day 😄

Weekends though, why don’t you get out & about? Some ideas:

Farm - we have 4 within a 45 minute drive, we rotate round them
Swimming - we have a splash park with slides an hour away, we do that now & again or otherwise, just a family swim at the local pool
Trampoline Park
Softplay - usually twice a week 🙈
Play dates with friends or family. Meet at the park. Meet at soft play. Go for lunch. Go to their house.
Parks - we travel about to various ones. Anything up to a 45 minute drive for a decent big park.
National Trust or other country parks - go on a good walk. Young kids love nature. Mine are 4 & 1 and will roam for miles. Bonus if there are sheep & cows for my younger one to watch 😂

And there’ll probably be other kids stuff specific to your area. We have a fairy forest not too far away. & a miniature railway that’s lovely for kids! & at specific times, we do things like pumpkin picking, we went to a couple bonfires, we are going to watch the Christmas light switch on next weekend, our library do kids activities in half term..

I would definitely say after school club is better than 2 hours of screen time while you work. Try it and if he gets too tired you could have one day mid week where he comes home earlier and watches tv as a “quiet” day.

I don’t think anything else is an issue really

The fussy eating… just keep trying… does he eat school meals?