Aibu at considering changing nursery

[Annon12345]

Lo is 3 1/2 and has attended same nursery since he was 9 months part time. On picking him up throughout we've had he's had a good day no concerns... he does have a speech delay, he currently attends speech therapy. A few weeks ago the manager called us for a meeting and went through a list of things he doesn't do like engage with a group or follow instructions in a group, said he turns his back often on group activities, plays on his own and wants a sen referral which we have arranged. I've took him to a toddler group this week and witnessed non of these things other than the speech. He played with others and joined in, nursery mentioned he's quite sensory and he wants a cuddle or the time but he's 3 and I figured most 3 year olds like a cuddle!? I'm now obviously torn at ehat nursery have said and although it's fair to say he does have development issues they appear to be speech related? I'm wondering why they never mentioned these things previously. I'm quite happy for a sen assessment if they feel it would benefit but I'm just confused

They're trying to flag possible SEN to you, autism from the sound of it, as that is often the case with children who are sensory seekers and have speech delay.

It might be worth googling the M Chat test and having a look.

I work in a nursery and with children’s development we often wait and see as sometimes it’s not obvious if a child is just a bit behind or if there are reasons to be concerned
It’s only when children get a little older that the gap starts widening and it becomes more apparent that the child needs extra support and an assessment for Sen

I'm not sure why you would jump to changing nursery? It sounds like they're being diligent and flagging their concerns in an appropriate way. Nursery workers are often very well versed in the range of typical toddler behaviour and development and can tell when a child is falling outside of those parameters. I'd be grateful they had voiced their concerns, even if I didn't recognise those behaviours in my child, because I don't get to see how she behaves in settings where I'm not present, so that in itself is valuable.

I think I'd listen to what they are saying and there's no harm in at least seeing what the process is to follow their suggestions. More support is never a bad thing.

As to why they've only mentioned it now, it can be very difficult with younger children as the range of 'typical' is so great, but as they become older and begin to interact more with other children, it can often become more obvious. Especially if your child already has a speech delay, working out what's linked to that and what might be part of a bigger issue must be quite a challenge.

It's also not the kind of conversation you have at drop-off or pick-up when things are hurried.

Thank you all yes very good points and I'm of course grateful they have raised these points I guess me taking to the odd toddler class is very different to day in day out at nursery. We have a hv coming in the week and will take it from there

Well, I can only offer my own experience here. Ds1 went to one childcare setting for around a year and a half. In this setting, we repeatedly had concerns raised over certain behaviours - lack of engagement, poor communication, lack of progress. At home, although we agreed speech was slow, we disagreed with a lot of what was said. We made the decision to move him and in his second setting he absolutely flourished. They had no concerns at all about him at all and he went from really disliking going to nursery to loving it! So, in this instance, I think a change was hugely beneficial as clearly something just wasn't clicking in the first one.

Ds2 is now in nursery. He also has had some concerns raised (similar to ds1). The difference here is - dh and I agree and see similar patterns at home. We also feel very supported by nursery and have found that ds2 has made progress, albeit slow, since starting. So in this case we are going to leave him there as at this stage, while everything is being investigated, we feel consistency is a good thing for him plus he is happy and loves his key worker.

I guess what I'm saying is, a lot depends on how you are feeling and how your child is at nursery. In your op you don't sound too happy and so maybe it's worth having a look to see what your other childcare options are - even visiting a couple of different settings if you can and explaining about your child - to get a feel for whether somewhere else might be better suited for you both.

@RavenclawsRoar thank you thats really useful. I would certainly say that some points raised by them we are not seeing at home or toddler groups where we do tend to observe from a distance which really has got me thinking