I think DS might be showing signs of neurodiversity

[AnnieLande]

DS is an only so it's difficult to try and compare him to others of a similar age. He's three and a half. I know he's still young.

My first concern is that his nursery have told me he is painfully shy, the most shy child they have. This isn't like him at all. Or it's not like the him we see. Not at all.

He never listens and I mean never. An example, he was skipping in the kitchen earlier while eating a biscuit. DH told him numerous times to stop and he just carried on as if he hadn't heard until DH shouted. He stopped, looked at DH and then carried on. He didn't like being shouted at and knew what DH was asking but he still carried on.

Hes absolutely obsessed with a certain song that he watches on YouTube and honestly, we hear it about 500 times a day, everyday and have done for months now.

He speaks very well but has recently started to make strange noises when people talk to him instead of responding with words. Things like 'ah, bah," etc. But he'll shout them.

He has started throwing things and even hitting me when he's angry, I know this can be typical toddler behaviour but it isn't typical for him, iyswim.

I'm not sure. It just doesn't feel quite right. Should I just wait and see how things go or speak to the nursery? I feel like because he's so shy there though, they won't be able to advise.

Any thoughts?

Bump

I’d generally follow your judgement on these things - a parent often knows their child well enough to know when something needs attention, even if it’s subtle.

Depending on your nursery, they might not be equipped to help without more information. I’d start with your GP or health visitor for a professional assessment.

My oldest is in the process of getting an ASD diagnosis, and he does sound a bit similar to her. Though she is quite loud at nursery rather than shy. It was the nursery who raised concerns in her case and then I spoke with her health visitor. Might be worth trying yours?

It's worth getting it checked if you are concerned, my daughter is so much happier and easier to deal with now we have the right support in place.

Follow your gut but also

1. Get his hearing tested. He could have glue and ear.
2. At this age when giving instructions I would get down to their level, have them look me in the eye and the issue the instruction. Not a request and command. Eg give me the marble please ds not can I have the Marble or in a questioning tone. And praise when the command was followed.

There also needs to be a consequence is the request isn’t followed after 2/3 requests. The consequence is also up to you but we used the naughty step/chair. 1 minute. To your specific point about skipping whole eating a biscuit - all snacks when eaten in house to be eaten sitting down. If he gets up then no more biscuit. Quick simple rules like this. Easy for him to understand and for you and DH to be consistent about. Of course he gets a warning - Ds you need to sit down to eat your biscuit. Sit down please. If he doesn’t sit when asked - give him time to comply- biscuit gone. If he then sits down he can have the biscuit back. Maybe he is sky at nursery because he can’t hear? I was vv boisterous at home and totally shy at school.

How old is he?

My friend had similar comments from nursery about her daughter, saying she had speech delays etc and blamed her for taking her out of nursery during lockdown. She was 2. Bearing in mind free nursery hours don't start till their 3 so a lot of children don't go to nursery until then.
Nope she doesn't! She doesn't do well in large groups, talks quiet in nursery, she has had her ears tested etc and everything fine! She's more outgoing in smaller groups and when not in nursery.
I would go with your view at how he is at home etc as you know your child best.

I would say a 3 year old isn’t a toddler but a pre-schooler. I only say it because of the difference behavioural expectations.

You mentioning listening and being loud. I would ask for a referral for a test. There is a long wait at the moment.

Yes, speak to nursery about your concerns. Is he at school nursery?

Sorry just read he's 3.5! Silly me!!

Sounds just like my DS at that age who has since had an ASD diagnosis. Very quiet and extremely well behaved at nursery and is at school. Let’s it all out at home where he feels safe. The OT called it social camouflage which explains it well I thought and the Consultant called it masking.

@Serenschintte

Follow your gut but also

1. Get his hearing tested. He could have glue and ear.
2. At this age when giving instructions I would get down to their level, have them look me in the eye and the issue the instruction. Not a request and command. Eg give me the marble please ds not can I have the Marble or in a questioning tone. And praise when the command was followed.

There also needs to be a consequence is the request isn’t followed after 2/3 requests. The consequence is also up to you but we used the naughty step/chair. 1 minute. To your specific point about skipping whole eating a biscuit - all snacks when eaten in house to be eaten sitting down. If he gets up then no more biscuit. Quick simple rules like this. Easy for him to understand and for you and DH to be consistent about. Of course he gets a warning - Ds you need to sit down to eat your biscuit. Sit down please. If he doesn’t sit when asked - give him time to comply- biscuit gone. If he then sits down he can have the biscuit back. Maybe he is sky at nursery because he can’t hear? I was vv boisterous at home and totally shy at school.

These kind of strategies helped with my DS. Plus lots and lots of descriptive praise - “well done you did that the first time I asked you” “Thank you for sitting nicely for tea time” “That was kind to help your sister with that” Etc. Etc.

I'm really noticing it more and more. He listens but completely ignores everything. He's become very unreasonable. I can't even put it into to words but I'm finding it very hard and difficult to deal with him at the moment

If you feel you need different tactics to use with him I would recommend a book called Calmer Easier Happier Boys.

My DS (4y8m) is quite similar and I recently started to suspect ASD/PDA. The problem with masking at nursery/school is that no one else notices and you usually do need a professional to raise concerns before you're taken seriously.

My advice to is to raise it with nursery and discuss it with your HV too. Even if he's not displaying any behaviours at nursery then can monitor him.