Getting toddler back to sleep

[SickAndTiredAgain]

DD is 2.5 and sometimes wakes in the night crying/calling for us. We always go through, and DH has slept in there with her a few times, but recently it’s taken so long for her to get back to sleep because she gets more upset by us going in. Last night around 3am she woke up crying and calling for daddy, but as soon as DH went in it was increased crying and “no daddy! GO AWAY!” Any attempt to comfort is met with more shouting and crying. So he left, crying calms down for a few mins, then starts up again calling for us so I go in, get the same response as DH. This went on for an hour before at one point after DH left she just fell asleep. Obviously we don’t want her crying herself to sleep at 3am, and are happy to go in and comfort her. But should we stop? Are we dragging it out by going in when it’s upsetting her more? Should we try once each, confirm she’s physically ok (no temp or anything, hasn’t dropped teddy etc) and if we’re both sent away just leave her to it?
For context, she’s in a bed and can open her door and ours is left open. In the morning when she wakes up she comes through to our room so she knows she can do this, but never does at night.

Do you still use a baby monitor you could talk through or just gently speak to her through the door? A bit of reassurance that you're about but not going in and actually disturbing her. Toddlers are impossible aren't they! If it's upsetting her more to go in and she can get up and find you if she really needs you I'd leave her to settle herself.

We don’t use the monitor anymore but we can definitely try through the door, or maybe just opening it and saying we’ll leave it open so she can see. She can’t see us from her bedroom, but lying in bed with the door open she’d be able to see our open door.

Is she actually properly awake when you go in? My LO went through a phase of night terrors where they would absolutely freak if we went in and spoke to him. We used to go in so we were physically there but didn’t speak to or touch him and he’d eventually settle back down. It was awful listening to him scream and not comfort him but he was a lot worse if we did and I think was actually comforted by our presence.

It sounds like she's not fully with it and is confused. My son has done this a few times. I sit and read a book out loud even if he is protesting and he eventually just stops and goes back to sleep.

I post this on all toddler sleep threads but it really worked for us so want to share... Audiobook - volume really low. Helped him get to sleep in the first place and go back over after night wake ups. We also had night terrors where he wasn't really awake - all I did was comfort him til he lay down again then left him.

She certainly seems awake but yes she’s probably at least half asleep and not quite with it. She went through a similar stage when she was much much younger (8/9 months old) where every night at 10 o’clock she would wake up and freak out. Really screaming and howling and didn’t want us near her, would throw toys that were nearby if she felt they were too close. On those occasions we would play with her toys quietly on the other side of the room, and she’d eventually calm and come and play with us. But that’s not a tactic I want to employ on a toddler at 3am!

Interesting idea about audiobooks - I actually use audiobooks to get to sleep, currently Harry Potter as I know it so well it’s not too distracting that it keeps me up! What do you play them on?

We play them on an iPad, using guided access to lock it on the audiobook app. I think you could use an Amazon Echo or Dot too. You can buy devices like Tonie which are specifically for children but I didn't want to buy anything extra when we already had an iPad.