Alone time with grandparents

[Sarahbb1234]

Baby girl and I will be travelling back home in January, my father came over here when she was born but my mother is dying to meet her.
In January she will be 8 months old... we haven’t yet separated from each other. My mother keeps saying “oh you’ll have to give us some alone time” “you go shopping while we look after her” every time we are on the phone! I told my father I’m not quiet comfortable with that yet, not because I don’t trust them because I’m not ready to be far from her. We can all hang out together!
I read an article which encouraged not to seperate from each other until baby has perception of time like “mummy will be back in an hour/ this afternoon....”
Might I add we are EBF never used a bottle or a dummy...
anyone else the same?

Omg this pissed me off so much when my little girl came along! It's your baby, do whatever makes you comfortable!! Don't let her out of your sight if you don't feel comfortable! Tell them no and set your boundaries xx

If you are not ready for that then you just need to tell them.

I think the alone time thing is similar to when you've not been driving for very long but your confidence is fine and you are enjoying the experience but when you have an experienced driver in the passenger seat you're confidence wanes and you feel like they are watching every move you make, even when they aren't. You don't really enjoy the journey as much as you would if they were not there.

I said to my husband the other day what is it with people trying to take my baby of me🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️Had my sister giving it ohhh your mummy doesn't let your auntie take you out and mil desperate to take him shopping on his own.... tbh I just shut it down. He's only 4 months and at the end of the day he's my baby and I will decide when I feel comfortable with him not being with me!

@WouldYouJust

If you are not ready for that then you just need to tell them.

I think the alone time thing is similar to when you've not been driving for very long but your confidence is fine and you are enjoying the experience but when you have an experienced driver in the passenger seat you're confidence wanes and you feel like they are watching every move you make, even when they aren't. You don't really enjoy the journey as much as you would if they were not there.

This.

I find it much easier to relax and chat to/bond with a baby when I’m not being observed. That doesn’t mean you have to give them alone time if you’re not ready, but it’s annoying when people make out that alone time is wanted for strange reasons.

Mmm, while of course it's not okay for other people to insist you do things that don't make you comfortable, I would think that 8 months old is perfectly old enough to spend time without you. I mean, I wouldn't be turning up and dropping baby on your mum for 24 hours the day you arrive, but assuming she'll be having lots of time and cuddles with the baby, there's no reason that while you're there you'd get to the point where your mum could have her for an hour or two while you did something else? [obviously, assuming your mum isn't the type to start shoving chocolate down her throat or leave her to cry it out the moment you're not around to stop her].

We took Ds to see my parents at about the same age and frankly it was one of the great things about it - he got to spend lots of time with my mum and she thoroughly enjoyed cuddling with him, sitting him in his high chair and feeding him etc etc.

Of course it's up to you, but I do find this very weird at 8 mo. Your baby understands you will come back from about 5 mo, and frankly, being left for an hour now and again would be good for both of you. Of course it's your choice, but what your DM is saying is frankly normal and reasonable, and in your baby's interests.

You do things in you're own time.
I'm not breast feeding but I only leave my babies when I am ready (youngest is only 3mth). 6 babies in my mum knows to wait for me to ask rather than asking me.

Your, not you're

I read an article which encouraged not to seperate from each other until baby has perception of time like “mummy will be back in an hour/ this afternoon....”

I don't really understand this - my 3 year old is still a bit hazy on time in the abstract like this, and I'm not sure they ever fully learn that you come back when you leave them until you do it. If you don't want to leave your baby that's absolutely fine but there's no need to pretend it would be bad for the baby to do so.

Do whatever feels comfortable but honestly, by 8 months I’d be ok with it. They’re not exactly a newborn anymore.

OP, you do what you are comfortable with and only that. It's your baby and you decide - just say no if you're not ready.

But since you posted, I assume you want other thoughts too - and FWIW my DS is 10 months old and I'd be SO GRATEFUL if my mum was still alive and could take him for an hour or 2 - I'd be booking a lush massage IMMEDIATELY!

That's not to say you're wrong of course - it's your baby so you can't be! Just for perspective :)

You know your mum so see with the spirit it is intended. A chance to sing songs and make silly faces at grandchild without feeling awkward? Likely that is what she wants. Fair enough if you aren't ready to leave her but I expect there is a compromise perhaps gran watches baby while you have a shower or a cup of tea upstairs?

See how you feel when you get there. You might decide that actually, an hour round the shops without the pram would be nice, or you might not. It's a couple of months away yet and you may find yourself a bit easier about leaving them with grandma.

My mother keeps saying “oh you’ll have to give us some alone time” “you go shopping while we look after her”

'No mum, definitely not, let's be clear on that before I come over as I don't want you to be upset about it. She doesn't know you yet, she's never spent time with you and she's never been away from me. I'm NOT going to take her to a brand new place to meet brand new people and suddenly disappear for the first time. She would just get really upset and I would HATE it if she ended up associating you with that! It's not happening, end of.'

I think it's important for very young DC to have time away from parents. I would have absolutely killed for it. Unfortunately no one ever wanted mine, so I put them in nursery to get any sort of break and went back to work.

This seems to come up a lot with grandparents and I always find it weird, why would they need alone time?!
However your idea of not leaving them until they have a concept of time may mean you’re not away from your DD until she’s 3.

Dgm or not to your dd she is a complete stranger!!
Surely your dd needs to have some sort of relationship with your dm first?

I got pressured my mil for alone time very early on and i gave in, it was awful and i get so annoyed at myself for it now. My son is now 3 and hates going to hers, i convinced myself it would help them bond but it clearly makes no difference and now he doesnt see her without me or dh there.

Were ttc soon and ive already decided baby will be going nowhere until im happy with it. Please stick to your guns, theres plenty of time for alone time when you and your child want to