Working full time with a toddler - does it get easier?

[KL92xxxx]

I went back to work in Jan when baby 10mo but I wfh and baby was at home with dad who had enhanced paternity. I worked 40 hrs but over 5 days and everything seemed to be at a great pace. From March I booked one day a week off for 5 months to use up my hols so I worked 32 hour weeks/4 days which was again fine.

Since August I’m working 40 hours in 4 days, I thought it’d be fine but I’m struggling a lot. On the days I work I’m useless, I see my now 19mo for half an hour in the mornings max, then maybe an hour after nursery/work. The house is always a complete mess, I never exercise, my body aches, some days don’t leave the house, I just never have time to do anything other than work and the essentials like eat and shower (sometimes that’s hard to find the time too). Toddler doesn’t sleep through the night still and is up a lot. I’m so exhausted by the time I finish work and get him to bed and then sort out everything for the next day that I just pass out until I’m woken up. I have three full days off but I have toddler on my own two of those days so little can be done, the one day we have together we try to make the most of by going out and having fun. I have so many things I’m trying to get right and I feel like I’m currently failing at every single one of them.

I have been toying with part time but it’d be a massive cut to my pay and I really would be scraping by. I also sort of irrationally worry that if I were to have another baby in the next few years I’d get part time maternity pay too which would be rubbish. Does working full time get easier, is it sustainable? Has anyone done it? Can you tell me where I’m going so wrong for it to be this hard?

For me it did get easier but the big thing that changed was spreading my working hours more. For a while I did full time hours over 4 days. But it just wasn’t manageable. I never stopped and ended up trying to do things with DD on my day off whilst also answering work calls. I spread the hours out a bit more, full time over 4.5 days and that was easier. It’s easier now for me when DD is well as she loves nursery and also loves pottering around the house for at least a day each weekend ‘resting’. She’s 3.5 now and I can get jobs done around her or with her ‘help’. However it all goes south as soon as she’s ill. She’s been ill for a week, I’m trying to work and look after her, the house is a mess and I realised today I hadn’t had a shower for 3 days!
Can you do anything to spread your work time out more to give you some time each day to do something else?

YOU ARE NOT FAILING! It is hard, I can validate that it is hard and also a logistical nightmare. I work full time, but across 5 days. No way could I do 4 10 hour days! I'd be exhausted. Couldn't you go back to 5 days a week? Ever week day follows the sane routine for us, so we just stick to it and everything falls into place. I have ADHD, so this was NOT easy for me at all, but now we have a routine going it works well. DS is also one of those toddlers who thrives on routine, so he's a lot easier to manage when he knows what's coming every day.

My DS is 2, I do 2 days wfh and 3 days in the office and still have a decent amount of time with him.

Are you a single mum? I don't see a mention of a DH/DP? If you do have someone else, they need to be pulling their weight. The only way I can work full time is because DH and I divide and conquer. n

I'm also prepared to be flamed for this, but you need to sleep train the toddler, doesn't have to be CIO, there are gentle methods, but a full night's sleep would help.

@allfurcoatnoknickers
Its says in her post baby with dad when she went back to work as he had enhanced paternity.

Myself and DH went through the exact scenario that you describe OP and our crazy solution was to both leave our well paid, secure jobs and set up our own business. My health (both physical and mental) had reached a point in which I was on the verge of a full breakdown and I didn't see the point in it all anymore- I also felt like I was failing as a parent as DD was constantly in childcare, and for the little time that we had with her I felt distracted and exhausted. DD (just turned 3 at the time) started in pre school 3 days a week which meant that I had time to do all the admin for the business (PT), fully take care of the house, take care of myself, cook healthy meals, spend the weekends/ days off doing nice things together and actually sit down with DH for an hour of the evening- I even had time to help with DD's school and volunteered on the PTA. What didn't work well was the financial impact that this had had on us. We barely have any disposable income and are just about managing to make ends meet due to the dramatic reduction in income (and COVID). We have since had DS (5 months) and are still trying to figure it all out we have in some ways, felt like we have lost the financial security which we had which we know is important with a young family but at the same time, we feel (and hope) that the money will come and we have years to figure that out- what we don't have is years to enjoy our children when they're young. We have been forced to cut back on a lot of things (a lot of which was materialistic stuff for DC that they didn't ask for/ or need), reduce waste and focussed on the simple enjoyments of life (more walks in the parks, less expensive days outs). I know this isn't an option for a lot of people and to be honest, it wasn't really an option for us but we've gone with it and are hoping for the best (one pay day at a time)!x

It's hard. I've got two now, one in school one just started nursery, and I went back from mat leave 6 weeks ago. I work four days a week, and only about 8 hours each day but the house is still a hole, I'm chasing my tail all the time, always behind on the washing. Also lots of child illness due to the time of year so I don't feel good at my job either.
My DH works a 9 day fortnight so only technically works one day a fortnight more than me but because he works afternoon/night shifts I feel like im always carrying the childcare load as he's asleep in the AM as he's often only just got in form work and I am doing pick ups/bedtime every night after a full day's work.
Im hoping it will settle after winter

Our little ones are the same age.
I’ve been back since February(single parent)
It’s bloody hard.
I’ve found myself not sweating the small stuff. Housework can get done in the evenings.
Spend quality time at the weekends.

You aren't failing! It's just hard. I have 2 under 4 and work full time hours. I do them over 5 days a week though - no way would I do compressed hours / longer days, for us it would make the evenings too difficult. I try to WFH a few days a week and do some housework/batch cooking in my lunch breaks.

Sorry to say it gets a lot harder when they start school. Now is the easy bit. It gets better about age 12.

I also work and have a 19mo. You're right, it is hard. Mine also doesnt sleep through the night.

I dont have any answers, but just know you're not alone.

@RuthW

Sorry to say it gets a lot harder when they start school. Now is the easy bit. It gets better about age 12.

Great, im sure this is exactly what the OP wanted to hear right now.

Well yes but @RuthW isn't wrong though is she. I've found this time much harder and largely because of having to juggle school too

@YukoandHiro

Well yes but *@RuthW* isn't wrong though is she. I've found this time much harder and largely because of having to juggle school too

Maybe not, but its not very empathic. Kind words go a long way.