Anyone else with a newborn finding the constant sleep battle hard?

[shivawn]

I don't think my situation is anyway unusual but just posting to see if anyone in a similar position wants to commiserate or share what works for them.

My little boy just turned 3 weeks old, he is a beautiful healthy baby and I'm so so thankful for him. I'm a FTM so I'm just trying to find my feet at the moment. I know it's very early days and I shouldn't be getting too hung up on his sleeping patterns right now but it's so difficult. I feel like I spend so much time worrying about how much sleep he is getting and how much sleep I'm getting that I'm missing out on some of the enjoyment of this stage.

Some days and nights are easier than others but more often than not it takes an hour an a half to 2 hours or longer to get him settled. He's breastfed and he is in and out of his crib and on and off the boob until he finally falls asleep. It's really disheartening when I think I have him down but just as I lie down in to bed myself he starts crying again.

Any other new parents able to relate?

It’s so hard OP! Nothing prepares you. I’m out of the newborn phase now but remember the bedtime dread so well... all I can advise is to do whatever you need to do to survive it. If you have a partner can they help with some feeds? I expressed a bottle a day so my husband could do the first feed and I could go to bed early and get a chunk of sleep before whatever the rest of the night threw at me. I know they say not to pump or introduce a bottle before 6 weeks (we had BFing struggles to begin with so had no choice at first then kept at the pumping/bottle when things improved because it made life easier for us), so maybe speak to someone more qualified about that, but we had no issues with nipple confusion or supply or anything. If that’s not a possibility maybe you could get an early
night and partner (or friend or family member if you’re on your own) could just bring baby to you for a feed then do the burping/changing/settling and you can go back to sleep? We slept in shifts in the spare room for six months and it saved both our sanity!

I’m on baby number two right now.

Tip 1) don’t try and calculate how many hours of sleep you have had. It will depress you and / or drive you mad.
Tip 2) try to feed lying down, it didn’t work with my first one but I’ve managed it with this one. Even just lying with my eyes closed (not necessarily asleep) is far more restful than sitting up to feed.
Tip 3) DO NOT, whatever you do, forgo sleep because you don’t want to make bad habits. Just sleep as much as you can - safely of course.

Fwiw, my baby is 6 weeks on Friday and until 5 weeks hadn’t done more than a couple of hours in a row then had 3 random nights of 6 hour stretches in her cot. She’s back to every two hours now, but it just goes to show there’s no rhyme or reason to baby sleep!

Let baby sleep whenever they want at this stage. Don't over stimulate them, they need no entertainment. An over stimulated baby will struggle to sleep,and that makes everything worse.

Don't expect any kind of pattern or routine... except the cycle of wake, eat, sleep.

And IT GETS EASIER.

Newborns don’t like being put down so it’s easiest not to try!

In the evenings I would just sit on the sofa and feed while DH brought me food and drinks.

I had the bed to myself so when I was tired I took baby to bed and fed lying down.

When I had babies 2 & 3 it was pure necessity to actually get some sleep as I needed to be rested and functional in the day!
They were all sleeping more or less in their cots by 3 or 4 months.

No tips really, DD is five now. It’ll get easier, honestly just as you feel it’s going to break you it gets a little easier as each week/month passes.

I couldn’t sleep when the baby slept, but would lie down if I could just for a little quiet time, I’d also go to bed early if possible.

I am exactly the same stage as you, apart from this is my second. My DD was a great sleeper from the beginning but this is just torture. I'm breastfeeding this time around but my DH does give a bottle of formula or expressed milk so I can try to get a bit of sleep. However I'm so tired I just cry all the time. DS won't go down in the day either and just feeds non-stop. He is so tired too, and just seems in a vile mood all the time. I think he is struggling with gas, but I have to say I am struggling at the moment with life! I am really bad with broken and/or little sleep, it makes me feel so sick. I just hope we'll get through the next growth spurt and hopefully have a modicum of relief from this cycle of screaming and eating.

I feel your pain! I’m 9 days in as a FTM and was not prepared for the lack of sleep! Breastfeeding as well, feels like baby is constantly on the boob!
Past couple of nights ive napped 5-7 OH naps 7-10 then I go upstairs 7-12, OH has baby I feed at 11/12 and then sleep till 1/2am. Then it’s the night shift for me. It’s been working well apart from baby likes to sleep on me so by 6/7am I’m knackered!

Everyone keeps saying it’ll get better, I’m counting down the days! 😂 I’m trying not to obsess over how tired I am and enjoy the days with her but it’s so difficult with the lack of sleep.
I’m going to try express soon but not sure when’s the best time to start trying

My advice is stick a TV in your bedroom so you can camp out in there day and night. In the night you can watch box sets while you try and settle. In the day you can veg in bed a bit and just relax and sleep when you can. The bonus of this is that baby learns to sleep with background chatter.

The only real sleep thing you need to do is make sure baby gets some daylight during the day and nights are darker so they start to know the difference. TV in the room won't affect that if you have the lights off and baby facing away from the screen.

@FluffMagnet do consider cmpa if it continues.

My daughter is 3 weeks old (today!) and I feel the same.. The last week especially I feel very tired and worn down!

It gets easier very soon, I promise.
Dd2 is 7 months now. Those early weeks are so hard. I slept in a different room to dh as there was no need for us both to be exhausted (and he is self employed so no paternity leave). I watched plenty of Netflix whilst being up for many hours! At 7am I handed her over to dh. Luckily for me he works from home, so he'd put her in a sling whilst getting dd1 ready for school then get on with his work, then I'd sleep until the baby needed her next feed. Around 2 months she started sleeping better.

We're at 12 weeks now and it really does get better. Biggest advice - stop worrying about what he's doing and just go with it, let him lead you. If he is fussing or not settling, feed him. At that age pretty much any fussing will = hunger. Let him sleep when he wants for as long as he wants and don't get worried about what he is/isn't doing. I think the more you stress and try to control it, the more stressful it gets. In reality you have virtually no control over what they are doing at this point anyway! As others have said, don't worry about 'creating bad habits' - if he wants to feed to sleep just let him. I agree re trying feeding on your side as well, feels much less exhausting in the middle of the night.

One thing that might help his night sleeping is making sure you get out in the daytime, and he sees lots of daylight (multiple times in the day if possible), so he starts to learn that daylight = daytime and darkness = nighttime. They don't have a sense of this when newborn so you have to help create it for them. We do daytime clothes and nightclothes as well for the same reason.

Everything you're describing is normal and it will get easier. Most start to settle themselves into some sort of routine and as they get older you can adapt this a bit as needed once you learn their patterns, behaviours, needs. You're doing great, be kind to yourself and make sure your partner takes him for periods of time too so you can have some time to yourself.

Thanks everyone! I know it's normal and everyone goes through it but it's nice to just have a moan too! I always go for an evening nap and my husband takes him then for a couple hours and he gives a bottle of formula or breast milk if I've collected enough in my hakkaa.

Somedays I can grab a nap during the day when the baby sleeps but other days he barely sleeps during the day. For example, he hadn't slept since 10:45 today other than a small half an hour nap in his pram while on our walk. Is this normal??? Other times he could spend the majority of the day sleeping. I do my best not to stimulate him. I've been giving him a big feed every 2 hours or so, each feed takes about 45 mins initially but then is followed by a few smaller 5 min feeds as I try setting him down and then lifting him back up when he stirs and cries after a few minutes. Am I right in saying he will sleep better at night if I can get him to sleep more during the day? I'm worried he is just so overtired now but I don't know how he got this way.

I think I'm just too nervous to try co-sleeping or even feeding lying down while I'm so tired.

I wish I knew when things would get better on the sleep front. I'd find it easier if I had an end goal in sight but just have to hope for the best! A night where he sleeps for a few 2 hour stretches is a really good night, I'd be happy with that!

I can only tell you what I did, and I got much better by the 2nd & 3rd as I made all my mistakes with the 1st

I always tried to feed on waking rather than feed to sleep
No more than 90 minutes awake as a newborn, so start trying to get to sleep (dummy, rocking in sling or pram) after about an hour awake or any sign of grumpiness
30-45 minute naps are fine and normal - it's one sleep cycle
Encourage good feeds - both breasts, swap over as soon as baby starts to slow down or fall asleep
Fine to do some playing, baths, tummy time during awake time!
Keep day time naps in living rooms/outside with bright lights and noise
Night time (eg 11pm-7am) we stayed in bed lying down, quiet. Low light only if necessary. Firm mattress, safe bed but I never got up with the baby during night time.

Oh you poor thing! I would definitely look into a sling if possible, and just have a couple of weeks camped on the sofa/in bed with baby in the day. Don’t try and get anything done, just rest. Have you got support? Is there a friend or trusted family member (or your partner) who would keep an eye on baby while you cosleep if you’re very tired? Or someone who can hold baby once they’re asleep and cuddle them so you can get a nap? I would look at a next to me, you can pick them up second hand on Facebook but they attach to the side of your bed and are a bit smaller than a cot so baby is nice and close, easy to grab for a feed and then pop back in their bed. That way you aren’t lowering into a cot which may be waking them. Try not to stress, over tiredness is the big buzz word at the moment and it is a real issue but is very much overused. Does baby seem happy when they’re awake? Things do settle, the first six weeks are the hardest! Please make sure you’re getting lots of support and being pampered a bit by everyone, don’t worry about housework or getting things done just take care of yourself and baby. I would also take a breastfeeding vitamin if you aren’t already, you may well be a bit anaemic after birth which can make tiredness worse. I personally swear by magnesium supplements for sleep, our bodies don’t produce magnesium and a lot of women are deficient in it.

This is exactly how I felt with my first. my second is currently 7wo and is a much better sleeper thankfully, but I have learnt not to stress about how much or where she sleeps. All her day time sleeps are on me, I target an awake window of about an hour.

I felt like I was going to collapse with exhaustion with my first, he got a bit better at 8 weeks then slowly better as time went on (but still doesn't sleep through at 3, he often sleeps worse than the newborn).

You can do this. I totally felt the 'I wish I knew when it will get better' thing (would love to know when DS will sleep through). Try not to dwell on it too much and stress about what you can do to fix it, I've come to the conclusion that they will just do their own thing.