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Birthday party etiquette!

13 replies

Dottedskull · 08/11/2021 20:16

I'm looking for advice about my sons 5th birthday party. It's in 4 weeks and as he's my first I'm unsure of party etiquette! Especially as it's relatively soon into the school year for forming friendships, my son as well as myself with the other mums!

He has 2 good friends from nursery, but as he's gone onto a different school than them, he gets a bit shy around them now as we only meet every few weeks. And they weren't at his 4th party either cos he hadn't become close with them at that point. It was family only party last year, so feeling a bit like a fish out of water at the moment!

I've had a few brief conversations and smiles to other parents but nothing substantial apart from 1 other mum, who we're having a play date with tomorrow after school at a soft play.

I can't afford to hire a party at a softplay at the moment unfortunately. Unless I could tell his friends where we are headed and say they're more than welcome to meet us but that it isn't a formal party. Unsure weather this would come across impolite to other parents and/or soft play staff? Less keen on this option really.

Other 2 choices of venue is, a family members events room at their sheltered accommodation, I'm waiting to hear back yet though, although this is where we had his 4th birthday as a family.
Other choice is my house, although I moved few months ago and house is still a bit of a mess haha.

I would prefer the events room, it isn't huge but it suitable for say 8/10 kids and parents.

I'm just asking, weather it would be appropriate to only invite around 5 or 6 kids from his school class or would this be considered impolite? If the party has to be at my house, then this number would need to go down to 3 unfortunately due to space.
I'd always assumed than when a child had a birthday party the whole class got invited, I can't really remember from when I was a child. And it seems that soft play parties have spiked in popularity lately, although I'm not too sure as I don't have many friends with kids.

Also wondering if 3/4 weeks notice is enough? My sons birthday is on the 7/12.
Would after school be OK to have a party for a few hours? Or would the weekend be better? What's the generally done thing? I'd prefer is all invited could attend. I'm guessing there's pros and cons to each. I won't be able to told it on sat 4th, possibly Sun 5th, depending on how the 4th goes as I'll be travelling home. Other option is weekend 11th/12th.

And what about siblings? If its at my house I might not have the room if a lot of children come with siblings. And it's not as it it's suitable weather for the kids to be playing in the garden too.

Sorry for such a long post about something that should be a simple thing but got myself into a bit of a stress!!
Thanks for reading this far.
I've had a mumsnet for a few years, but only really a lurker, couldn't remember old account name so needed to create a new one.
Thanks for any advice!!

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Dottedskull · 08/11/2021 20:19

Also, if the siblings are younger, I'm sure they'd be easier to entertain than if there was a lot of older siblings.

Sorry for the few typos. Was struggling to post and wanted to get it posted as soon as I could. Thanks!

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Bunce1 · 08/11/2021 21:06

Space is the issue?

It is the done thing to have whole class parties…however in your case I would have a big party with family/cousins and so on in the shelter room place. Is that possible?

Then I would have two school friends over for a a social birthday tea with favourite dinner, cake and some planned activities like maybe make a super hero mask or something? Parents could stay for a cuppa then come back in a hour or so later?

Dottedskull · 08/11/2021 21:21

@Bunce1

Space is the issue?

It is the done thing to have whole class parties…however in your case I would have a big party with family/cousins and so on in the shelter room place. Is that possible?

Then I would have two school friends over for a a social birthday tea with favourite dinner, cake and some planned activities like maybe make a super hero mask or something? Parents could stay for a cuppa then come back in a hour or so later?

There isn't any children in the family and also due to a bereavement/ work issues for another family member (who lives far away) there wouldn't be many adults. So if it was family only, it wouldn't be a problem at my house.

So maybe just 2 friends over for a birthday dinner, not a big party as such. Sounds like it could be a good alternative. I was planning on the parents staying anyway, as our children haven't long started school and are quite young, I assumed the kids would be more content with parents close by.
Thanks for replying 😊

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Idontgiveagriffindamn · 08/11/2021 21:21

Is there a local hall / community centre room you could hire out? The one near us is £30 for 2 hours. When he was little we did music, party games and food ourselves so it was relatively cheap but meant we could do a whole class party

Dottedskull · 08/11/2021 21:25

@Idontgiveagriffindamn

Is there a local hall / community centre room you could hire out? The one near us is £30 for 2 hours. When he was little we did music, party games and food ourselves so it was relatively cheap but meant we could do a whole class party
Thank you, I will have a look into it. I just assumed they would be in the same ball park as a softplay party, but maybe not. Hopefully not!
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Idontgiveagriffindamn · 08/11/2021 21:32

@Dottedskull if you hire entertainment or a bouncy castle it can be expensive but it can also be cheap. Kids that age just want to run around to music and play party games.
Put on some sandwiches, crisps and biscuits (and cake) or pizzas.
Hope you find something

Spottybotty20 · 08/11/2021 21:36

I just did a party in a local hall which was pretty cheap. Hall was £85 including soft play equipment (would have been £30 without it) but my dd was 1 so couldn’t entertain herself yet.
We ordered food from Morrison’s food to go service £30 for a load of sandwiches/sausage rolls etc. Just bought crisps, biscuits and squash as well.
I will do the same for my sons 4th birthday but will not bother with the softplay stuff and make that more of a disco.

SavoyCabbage · 08/11/2021 21:41

You don't need to have a big party. A couple of friends over to your house or a couple of friends after school to soft play (you pay) is very exciting for a five year old. It doesn't have to be an official or a traditional party.

Jumpingintochristmas · 08/11/2021 21:49

I would say either look at a hall as suggested and invite the whole class or ask two friends and go bowling or to soft play. 3x entry and food plus a party bag would be under £35.

I wouldn’t be keen for my child to go to a party at sheltered accommodation given the current pandemic.

maofteens · 08/11/2021 22:44

While my kids are teens now we did hire a church hall which was pretty inexpensive- far less than a soft play place (and no you can't say just turn up here but is not an actual party).
As budget and space restrictions are a factor then I'd just have his closet friends and organise some activities and do your own party food, or of just the three of them maybe you could take them to an activity?

853ax · 08/11/2021 22:53

3-5 children is fine. They ok in your house, all parents may not stay.
I wouldn't expect siblings get invited but if parents stay guess they would stay with them too.
2 hours is fine, after school would work depending on their childcare arrangements or weekend morning.
Keep it simple no point inviting all class if your boy not friendly with them.

Dottedskull · 09/11/2021 09:14

Thank you all for your input. Things to think over. I'm leaning more towards just a quiet afternoon tea sort of thing as we've a few stressors on in the family at the moment. It'll be easier for me to plan and son will still have a great time.
Thanks again!

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Bunce1 · 09/11/2021 10:53

I think a little birthday tea sounds lovely as is a great way for you to make better connections with some of the parents too.

Hope your son has a wonderful party Star

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