If one of you works away from home for extended periods of time...

[IcedCoffeeAlways]

And you have children...does the other one work? How do you manage childcare etc?

Just looking for a bit of advise from anyone in the am situation tbh...DH and I are struggling and I’d love to know how you structure things. My DH works 3 weeks on/3 weeks off but can often have these dates move by a few days either way at short notice. I’m back at work and working PT - 3/4 days out of 7 and my days are not set, they change weekly.

I would ask your employer for set days or look for another job that can give you that.

@MartyHart

I would ask your employer for set days or look for another job that can give you that.

@MartyHart Currently in a management role so my days are dictated by whatever is happening in the business at the time unfortunately. Set days isn’t a possibility. I am looking for another job at the moment but there really isn’t much locally!

My dh is military and away from days to months at a time. When we just had one child I worked part time, 3 full days at a couple of jobs then 5 shorter days at another. My parents & nanna helped with childcare and she went to a private nursery 1 day when I did 3 days and 1.5 days when I did 5. I was made redundant when pregnant with our 2nd and became a sahm once my maternity allowance ended (over a decade ago now). Me being at home works much better for us as a family unit.

I was in that position.
I had childcare organised as if I was a single mum aka not being able to rely on anyone. When dh was at home, it was a bonus but my essential iyswim.

Nit having set days is going to make it extremely hard for you re childcare unless you are happy to pay fur full time childcare even though you are p/t.

Do you have family around that could pick some days when your dh isn’t at home and outside of some pre booked days at nursery/CM?

Btw I also did the sahm part.
I hated it and still think, 15 years on, it was big mistake on my part

My DP is self employed in a sector that requires long hours and he is often away for days/weeks at a time.

Last week his schedule looked like this
Mon - worked 30mins away 7am -7pm
Tues - worked an hour away 6am -8pm
Wed and thurs - worked away 6am wed - 8pm thurs
Fri - worked 7am - 7pm then had to cover for someone doing 8pm - 12.30am
Sat - worked 6pm - 2.30am

Weve got 3 young children and im a sahm because his schedule meant when i was working i was exhausted i dont regret giving up work the children are much happier and much less stressed.

Im much less stressed

Yes it's very difficult to organise childcare though if your days change all the time. I'm not really sure how they imagine you can make it work

I work away sometimes. DH is sahd, would have been nearly impossible to manage otherwise

I used to do this pre-pandemic, I would go abroad for a week at a time (sometimes a bit more) to deliver training to overseas teams.
We had to have a very coordinated team of babysitters to do nursery pickup (in those years) and now DH is WFH at least.

We both had jobs where we did lots of travel, much of it adhoc. I got made redundant 6 months after returning from mat leave so that solved that.

The other parents with similar jobs all had stay at home spouses, or very supportive/hands on family.

My DH used to be away for several weeks at a time for our sons first 2 years. I worked shift work which wasn't ideal but I'd been made redundant during mat leave and we were moving abroad a year later so I needed to find a job and as we knew it was only short term we persevered with me working shifts. When he was away it was really difficult. Luckily I found a really flexible childminder who allowed different hours each week depending on my shifts. My parents lived around the corner from us too so on days where I started/finished work out of my childminders working hours they would pick up or drop off DS and have him until I finished work or once the childminder was working. I definitely wouldn't recommend having a job involving shifts while your husband is away and you have to sort out childcare as I found it really stressful. Obviously if we hadn't been in the situation of redundancy and an upcoming move I'd have only stayed in that role until I'd found a 9-5 type job, but for the sake of 1 year it made more sense to persevere than try and change jobs. Flexible childcare then is my advice if you can find it!

@TravelLost

I was in that position. I had childcare organised as if I was a single mum aka not being able to rely on anyone. When dh was at home, it was a bonus but my essential iyswim.

Nit having set days is going to make it extremely hard for you re childcare unless you are happy to pay fur full time childcare even though you are p/t.

Do you have family around that could pick some days when your dh isn’t at home and outside of some pre booked days at nursery/CM?

Thanks @TravelLost 😊 Financially paying for FT childcare isn’t an option - we wouldn’t be using it at all when DH is home as he likes to spend as much time with DS as he can. And I’d still only be using it PT when he’s away so we’d be paying an absolute fortune for something that isn’t used much. I have one family member who is amazing and helps where possible (but they also work).

SAHM would definitely be easier for us. I’m just not 100% sure about taking the leap!

@SmallGreenStripes

I work away sometimes. DH is sahd, would have been nearly impossible to manage otherwise

@SmallGreenStripes That’s the way I’m feeling. It’s only been a few months since I went back to work and already I’m struggling to see how it’s sustainable!

@shepabear

My DH used to be away for several weeks at a time for our sons first 2 years. I worked shift work which wasn't ideal but I'd been made redundant during mat leave and we were moving abroad a year later so I needed to find a job and as we knew it was only short term we persevered with me working shifts. When he was away it was really difficult. Luckily I found a really flexible childminder who allowed different hours each week depending on my shifts. My parents lived around the corner from us too so on days where I started/finished work out of my childminders working hours they would pick up or drop off DS and have him until I finished work or once the childminder was working. I definitely wouldn't recommend having a job involving shifts while your husband is away and you have to sort out childcare as I found it really stressful. Obviously if we hadn't been in the situation of redundancy and an upcoming move I'd have only stayed in that role until I'd found a 9-5 type job, but for the sake of 1 year it made more sense to persevere than try and change jobs. Flexible childcare then is my advice if you can find it!

@shepabear It’s really tough isn’t it! Completely understand preserving with it for a year in your situation though! The only childminders near us that can offer the flexibility that I need only work within school hours and I need 7.30am-6pm 3 days per week unfortunately. We have no family or anything nearby that can help with pick up/drop offs other than one family member who is an amazing help when she can be (she also works shifts).