What do you do when other parents won't parent?

[Menstrualcycledisplayteam]

I was at a birthday party today. There were two particularly badly behaved children there; both being violent or unpleasant in one way or another. Both children had parents there. One ignored what their child was doing completely (despite the behaviour happening right in front of them), one did that ineffectual "have you said sorry" after their child had deliberately hurt/upset another child for the umpteenth time.

Any tips on how to deal with that? I didn't feel like I could criticise someone else's child but equally I can't leave my child feeling unsupported. Is it just a breezy "that's not very nice" or " watch what you're doing with your feet" ad infinitum?

Yes this is tricky, how old are the children as that makes quite a difference to the answer. I would try to encourage my child to play away from them… id keep my child very close to prevent to happening if they were young. It depends how bad it was I guess, if my child was really upset and or hurt I would have to mention it to the parent. It’s hard though as we all ‘parent’ differently so will have different boundaries for what is acceptable by age.

They were a 4 or 5.

Yes breezy but firm remarks to the children when they cross your child’s boundaries. If necessary a polite request to the other parent that they stop the behaviour.

I remove my children from the situation, check they’re ok and speak to them to one side about why the other child’s behaviour was unacceptable and how they should respond in those situations. It’s not my job to discipline other people’s children. Although I would probably give them a glare

Thanks all. It's hard in the moment to work out what the best thing is; I feel like I let my child down today tbh.

I have absolutely no issue with telling off other people's kids, especially if they're directly putting my kids or kids I'm responsible for, in danger or hurting them. I think once I may have been tutted at from a different table by a child's mum (said 6 year old child had been properly body slamming my friends slightly built, shy, 3 year old daughter before I managed to intervene).

Any behaviour that I don't approve of but doesn't directly affect me I try to ignore.

This drives me batshit. A boy threw a football at my DS' face today at football training the his parents was just bleating about how he wanted to be friends. I said sternly 'we don't throw balls' and glared at him and then removed DS from the situation.

I've told other children off if parents don't. I find a straightforward 'we don't hit/kick/ whatever other people' works ok. So calm and not yelling or anything.
I've also told my DC to stay away if another child isn't being nice.

I just tell them same as I would tell my own "we don't do X". Had to tell a child who was being rude to my kids last week at a Halloween party. His parents weren't parenting him and he needed to know his behaviour wasn't right. Told him nicely but meh, it needs to happen sometimes

After years of working in childcare I have no qualms about speaking to other people's children about behaviour when it impacts my DC. If their parents don't like it, they should have sorted the issue first.

Tell them off, the same way I did my own children.

I'd have no issue with saying 'don't do that' with a hard stare. If the parents won't step up then others have to.

Usually when you do step up the parents miraculously wake up and start actually parenting!