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will people ever forgive me for past mistakes???

6 replies

milliemoocow · 12/12/2007 19:27

well this is long so ill try n shorten it as much as poss!!! 5 years ago i had a son (i was 16 when i got pregnant) my family disowned me but came round after birth of my son... his dad left me day after i came out of hospital and said he wasnt ready to be a dad. his parents demanded dna test which i did then after positive result started seeing him... it fizzled out and now they see him now and again. however i soon became pregnant again and had a termination my family found out and i was left feeling like i had let everyone down again. But when my son was 10 months old i met new boyfriend (lot older) and sorted my life out, we had nice house he had good job ect... everything went well then i had miscarrage followed by a healthy daughter (now 3) i thought i had my perfect family but then i found a bruise on my son when my daughter was 7 weeks old, i was worried and called health visitor, who imformed social services, i then had my children taken off me for 5 months (they lookly stayed at my mums) but having supervised visitation but strain on my relationship with my daughter and i began to suffer post natal depression... which went againest me, it but strain on me and partner and both familys fell out, when i thought things couldnt get any worse partner was charged with ABH on my son... i couldnt believe it and had to fight with social services to get kids back in family home i did win eventually and after 5 months i took my babies home (caused yet more strain between familys) but then my partner was found guilty of ABH at crown court and because i had wrote letters in to court and backed him and made him out to be family man he got of with fine and community service... i was heart broken i returned from court and my partner had packed my bags and thrown me out me and the kids out (it was his house) so i ended up at my friends then in a refuge for xmas 05 it was horrid i felt ill and my mental health went down the pan... i ended up been rehoused on a rough council estate (n i mean rough) where my life was made a misery.. windows put throw house broke into ect. i lost the plot and packed my daughters bags and took them to my mums where i believed she would be better off... it made my life and reputation worse and i took over dose while my son was in house and sent a msg to my ex sayin to get help for tom to get him out er house... ambulance crew n police broke in and took me hospital my son also went to live with my mum at this point.. i however got medication and help and got kids back and met new partner ect and now married have good job and nice house in totally different area and really got my life together in 2 years.my kids are bright and happy and im a good parent and so is my husband only prob is my family wont forgive me and think ill mess up again and its gettin me down.... what should i do???

OP posts:
Coolchristmasfairy · 12/12/2007 19:54

Put short and sweet - get on with showing them that you can live like an adult and make grwon-up decisions. If they see you are able to take control of your life in a positive way, they may believe you. If they don't, then you have at least proved to yourself that you can be a responsible person which can only be a huge benefit to your own family and ultimately, your children. So it's the ultimate win-win situation.

Coolchristmasfairy · 12/12/2007 20:02

sorry - that sounded quite short, but I think you get the gist of it all. HTH

newy · 12/12/2007 20:04

If we were all forever judged on our teenage selves about 90% of us would be in trouble. You have had a really difficult time and have done amazingly well to sort your life out >>>plus pat on back

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Doodledootoo · 12/12/2007 20:13

Message withdrawn

breadandmilk · 13/12/2007 11:49

milliemoocow - you have done amazingly well in sorting yourself and your life out, you should always be proud of that achievement.

Life is lived forward, not backwards....keep your eye on the future and don't spend too much time agonising over the past, it's done and finished. The lessons you learned along the way will stand you in good stead to make good decisions going forward and have no doubt made you a stronger person.

It must be frustrating to be 'labelled' within the family, but it's human nature. Time will pass and all of the bad times will be a distant memory for everyone, you included.

As ddtoo said, it is your life, you live it. You can't live your life for them and allow any need for their approval to overshadow anything you do today.

Unfortunately we can't change other people, we can only change ourselves. Your family picked up the pieces when you needed help and for this you should be forever grateful but not forever guilty. Perhaps oneday you will be there for them in turn - that's how families operate.

It is understandable that they still worry but in time it will change and they will relax more. In the meantime don't dwell on it. The past in no way defines who you are today, you choose how to live each day and it sounds like you are doing an amazing job too!

milliemoocow · 13/12/2007 21:59

just want to say thankyou for all your kind comments... i know it will take time but its been 2 years and i just want my family to see me for who i am now, not who i was... i mean only today i was told what well behaved and well mannered children i have... it makes me so happy to hear but people where i live now dont know the past (i live 150 mile away from old address) i suppose it boils down to fact i feel ashamed for letting my children down in the past and feel embaressed by it, and my new life is great but when i go visit family the memorys flood back and my mood drops again... i know you probebly think well dont go then... but there my family and i love them and want to see them its just ashame they dont want to come visit here and be part of my new life.
thanks again for all your comments...

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