Special Needs??? Confused, Sad, Scared, Protective

[poeps]

Evening moms

So we(me and dad) took our boy(soon to be 20 months) to the local GP for a routine check up and we needed a recommendation for a pediatrician seeing as our son hasn't been to one in a while... The GP gave us the recommendation but said he didn't see or find anything wrong with our son, when we were at the pediatrician we raised some concerns that we started noticing about our boy, and the pediatrician right there and then jumped to a conclusion saying my son are showing signs of autism...like really....i got up and went to catch my breath it was all in total about 10min later when i got back inside the doctor was busy finishing off his script and informed us that there are 2or3 sets of blood to be taken due to the amount of tests he needs done and he also wants my son to go see a neuro pediatrician early next year...when we went for the blood test they could only fill one tube and said we had to come back during the week coz my son was too upset and didn't want to sit still, the look in my sons eyes when they inserted that needle haunts me up until today I will never forget that look and never want to see/experience it ever again, the lab informed us they would be doing the most important ones first....OKAY NOW - 1st I have a huge problem with the fact that he didn't investigate my son at all he barley looked at him, no interaction nothing so how do you want to make a diagnosis without properly investigating my son??? 2nd I did some research on autism and my son does make eye contact, if there is other children around he wants to interact with them, he greets strangers when we walk in town, 3rd autism can only be diagnosed from youngest 2years old thats medically proven so where did this doc fall out the bus, 4th the 1st set of bloods that he tested all came back normal and healthy, 5th to let my son go through all the drama for more bloods and then the neuro pediatrician doesn't feel right to me it's very traumatic at such a young age and then lastley the money to do all those things is something we don't have at all.... i ended up cancelling the other 2 sets of blood and the appointment at the neuro pediatrician, I can't allow my boy to go through that it's not fair on him, moms do you think i did the right thing by cancelling those things? it keeps on playing in my mind it's like i am split in 2 where the 1half is completely against it and the 2nd half says i did the right thing..... we went back to the GP he suggested we wait until my boy is 3. although in January next year i will take him to a different pediatrician and see what the outcome is without mentioning any diagnosis or things like that!?!?!? what's your take on this

Hi @poeps - my son is a similar age (21m) and in a similar place developmentally. He's not fab on eye contact, quite solitary when playing, also not really talking at all yet. So your post intrigued me.

I don't quite understand why you took him to the GP in the first place though, and why you wanted a paediatrician referral, if you didn't have any concerns at that stage? Perhaps I'm missing something there.

Anyway, yes, it sounds like the people you've seen are moving far too fast and haven't taken time to assess your son. (Plus, when my son needed blood tests a few months ago, we were given numbing cream in advance to lessen the pain.)

Wait until his 2 yr health visitor review. See what they say then. Don't be rushed in to anything. We are moving forward at the moment with having our son's hearing checked, as we've been advised that is always the first question when working on speech delay. Other than that, we're just trying to really support him with finding his voice.

Message me if you'd like to talk more, it sounds like we're in similar places. Xx

@crazymuseummum sorry for only getting back to you now the things that concerns us about our son is the fact that 1...he is cruel to animals we have a dog and he wil randomly go up to the dog and slap him and then right after try to hug him, 2...he bites people, 3...he eats soaps & creams to the point where he wil throw a tantrum if he cant get it, 4...he wil out of nowhere go sit on the floor and bump his head against the floor, 5...he sprays deodorant & perfume in his mouth, 6...if he is overwhelmed he wil slap himself through the face, so ja it is quite concerning, in his(my son) defense things are not going very good between me and his father we fight like cats and dogs but there is no physical abuse

I don’t know enough to make any comment about your son’s development, though obviously you are worried.
I wanted to say, please re home your dog before your son mistreats him and a tragedy occurs.

OP, it can be confronting when specialists express a view quickly in an initial appointment. It sounds to me like the paediatrician was saying he shows signs of autism, which by your description may be true, not that he definitely is autistic. Saying he shows signs of autism isn’t a diagnosis - it’s just an observation. I imagine a further assessment would follow further visits and the blood tests (which help to rule out illnesses or deficiencies such as iron deficiency, which can impact development). You may just prefer to wait before going further with specialists. Are you seeing NHS specialists or private? It sounds like you’ve gone private. I’d suggest seeing if you can get referred to an NHS specialist paed if possible.

I’d consider what you actually want from seeing the specialists. You have concerns; do you want to seek help to address these? If so, that can lead to some really difficult conversations. But can also resolve the worries with further investigation. Going to the appointments and any diagnosis that may or may not be received further down the line won’t change who your son is. But if your son does have special needs, then early intervention is vital.

You have some concerns, and some of those things may warrant further investigation, but they could also be things he’ll grow out of. It’s pretty standard in my experience for paed to request bloodwork and refer to other specialists if appropriate after a first appointment. If you’re not ready to go there then perhaps just wait a bit before pursing this further.

I do understand your worries about the blood tests - they’re never fun, but probably worth doing to rule out other problems. If you do have further blood tests, make sure he has plenty to drink beforehand. Some places encourage using emla cream to numb the area beforehand, but not all.

Also, just so you’re aware, making eye contact doesn’t rule out autism. My son is autistic and as a result I know many children with autism. Most can hold eye contact to some degree; in my son’s case his eye contact is fairly good and he has a lot of friends at school these days.

No advice about the actual autism but regarding blood tests, you can buy numbing cream. My DS has had numerous blood tests, doesn't feel a thing and will look at the tube filling with blood (while I have to turn away ).

So you took your son to the doctors as you had concerns. The doctor referred your son for exploration tests and a paediatrician. And you cancelled these tests?
What a waste of everybody's time. You are supposed to be wanting what is best for your son. But obviously you and google know better than health professionals. Ffs! You sound like you need help not your son.

And for the record, my autistic son makes eye contact and is loving towards others and has friends. If you'd bothered to google properly you'd realise autism is a spectrum and every person is different.

I agree with the poster above, your son obviously needs help, what he's doing doesn't sound like the average child and I think the doctor us right to suspect autism.

Saying this very gently OP but Early Years Trauma can be mistaken for Autism, they present in very similar ways.
Your son sounds distressed, you need help. Please seek it out.