When does it get easier?

[LydiaFTM]

Apologies, I know this has been asked many times before but I need reassurance!

My son is 12 weeks and looking back, not much has really improved in terms of food or sleep since he was about 3 weeks. He still feeds every 2 hours or less and each feed still takes at least half an hour. This is the same at night, so I'm only getting sleep blocks of 90 minutes maximum.

On the whole he's a wonderful baby and I love being his mum but I'd love to know when I might start to get a bit more sleep and when I won't be so tied down for feeds!

I'm also fully aware the 4 month sleep regression is getting horribly close so looking forward to that, teething, all the other developmental leaps to come etc etc. Am I being naive in thinking things may get easier?!

Not all babies go through a 4 month regression it isn’t a given.

My DS started to take longer and more predictable naps at around 5 months. You could also put him down for a nap then rather than have to hold him which was good: I actually got stuff done!

We DID have a seven / eight month regression which was tough but didn’t last long looking back. Felt like forever at the time though!

For me it got easier at 10 months which is when he started sleeping through. I was happy in some ways until then but in other ways I struggled so much and felt SO tired! It does get much better.

It definitely gets easier, the early days seem to last forever when you're in them but then ask of a sudden you'll be blowing out the third birthday candles wondering where the time went.

For the first three months your baby hardly knows you as a separate being, they just cry when their needs aren't met. They look cute in pictures but it's gruelling.

You're just about past that point, once they start smiling and chatting to you then it becomes more rewarding, even if sleep is still rubbish. Then creating and walking and talking are exciting and play becomes more exciting.

Do what you can to rest and be kind to yourself, the sleep deprivation is horrendous but it doesn't last forever.

@Strawbales

Not all babies go through a 4 month regression it isn’t a given.

My DS started to take longer and more predictable naps at around 5 months. You could also put him down for a nap then rather than have to hold him which was good: I actually got stuff done!

We DID have a seven / eight month regression which was tough but didn’t last long looking back. Felt like forever at the time though!

Oh that's encouraging! I must admit I've given up a bit on trying to put him down for naps and have been contact napping pretty much all the time but I'll try again and try and bring in some consistency.

@firstimemamma

For me it got easier at 10 months which is when he started sleeping through. I was happy in some ways until then but in other ways I struggled so much and felt SO tired! It does get much better.

10 months?! Feels like a long time away but then again the last 3 months have gone so quick. The worst thing is when mums at baby groups ask me if he's sleeping through yet or when I read on forums like these about all the 8 week olds sleeping through! I can't see it happening anytime soon.

@EnidFrighten

It definitely gets easier, the early days seem to last forever when you're in them but then ask of a sudden you'll be blowing out the third birthday candles wondering where the time went.

For the first three months your baby hardly knows you as a separate being, they just cry when their needs aren't met. They look cute in pictures but it's gruelling.

You're just about past that point, once they start smiling and chatting to you then it becomes more rewarding, even if sleep is still rubbish. Then creating and walking and talking are exciting and play becomes more exciting.

Do what you can to rest and be kind to yourself, the sleep deprivation is horrendous but it doesn't last forever.

Thank you. And please don't get me wrong, I do find it very rewarding and he is generally a very happy and active baby and is meeting all his developmental milestones. I've just started dreading the nighttimes! I just need to hang on in there I guess.

When they go to school...

Things so much better for us at 8 months. Hell on earth until then then it just sort of clicked. It does get better, honestly. The first few months are so hard!

Sorry I know how crap it can be to hear something like 10 months when you're only at 3 months! I should've worded it better. 10 months was the real turning point but to be honest from 4ish months it did start to gradually get a bit better. I'm expecting another now so I clearly didn't hate it that much!

Hang in there

It got easier when I stopped bf at three months, we all slept better, and I outsourced a lot of it and went back to work pt at four and five months respectively. No regressions at all.
From three years old it was a breeze.

My DS started napping in the cot after 5 months, just couldn’t before then.
I’ve seen a big change after sleep training at 6 months - sleeping much longer at night now, we’re down to one night feed which seemed impossible a few weeks before.

Oh I could of written your post myself a few months ago, it’s so hard
-I found things got a bit easier around 3 months, I felt I finally learnt basic baby care and got some confidence (zero baby experience prior). Sleep and feeding still shit.

• bit easier again at 4 months when I stopped mix feeding and just switched to formula. Not saying you should stop, but it made me miserable. Felt more like myself so feeding improved. Sleep still shit.
• 6 months he went in his own room, sleep improved all round. Still wasn’t sleeping through but I wasn’t constantly disturbed. Felt I had a bit more freedom with naps too.
• 7months was when I turned a corner and he started sleeping through more than he didn’t, generally happy, could play for a minute sat up by himself. Naps and feeds were predictable so could get a rough routine in place. It might not happen for you at this age, could be sooner or later, but the predictability and space is what made it feel better for me.

He’s still only 9months now but he’s generally been great the last 2/3 months. Even when he’s had a bad day it’s either only been short lived or he’s still slept ok so I’ve had a bit of time to re-group when he’s asleep

It’s a gradual thing, the first 12 weeks were the most intense for us, after that it did and still does feel like it all got better and better, I think it was mostly through milestones he reached rather than anything to do with specific age, when he learned to sit up was great as he could sit with a few toys around him, when we introduced food at six months, the game changer for us was when he stated crawling as he just seemed so much more content. He’s 19mo now and my god it’s still tough in different ways (nursery germs/watching in horror as he tries to run/jump/dive and not fall over) it’s also beyond magical and he truly is my little best friend. It will get better!

@cptartapp

It got easier when I stopped bf at three months, we all slept better, and I outsourced a lot of it and went back to work pt at four and five months respectively. No regressions at all. From three years old it was a breeze.

Did your little one sleep better at night on formula? I'm considering it but have read lots about how it's a myth that formula babies sleep longer! To be fair a lot of that has been on pro breastfeeding sites!

Have you tried using breast compressions to speed up feeds? Maybe get a lactation consultant to check the latch if you feel like feeds are taking too long.

Yes massively. Both times. I know that others will say there was no change.
I also felt we could share the load better and psychologically was far more in control.

The first year can be so hard, you just have to keep going. My first 2 children were great, slept brilliantly from an early age and didn't fed over night from about 3 months. But my 3rd 🙈 hes 16 months and he has just started sleeping though and that's not every night. When you have older children you realise how quickly they do grow up so try make the most of them when they are tiny as they will eventually start sleeping.

By the time they’re three they can communicate really well, are potty trained and tend to sleep through consistently. In the baby years, you’ll get ups and downs. Good times between leaps, bad times when they’re in sleep regression which happens about three times and every time they’re teething or have jabs. Roll with the punches, you’ll get there!

It comes and goes in waves I'm afraid. It sort of got easier after a year (I actually found 4 months plus a lot worse, sorry!) Then easier again 2 years, but it's still hard. 🤣

My 2 year old still doesn't sleep through but there are big improvements and a lot of it helps when they can communicate. You also change your expectations which helps.

It depends really on you and your baby/child. DS was a very easy contended baby so within the first few weeks it got much easier and he was a lovely easy baby and young child overall. I had a difficult time with him towards the end of his junior school years. He is 18 in a couple of months and his teen years have been very easy so far 🤞. DD was extremely hard work as a baby but once she could walk she was lovely and a very easy playful and loving child overall until age 12/13 and ever since she has been dreadful she is 16 now.

DS2 is 14 months and we’re still waiting for him to get easier and to sleep better

My son didn't start sleeping through until about 9/10 months! All babies are different but this is the hardest new baby bit I thought, it gets better! I promise xx

For me, the first 4m were the easiest (sorry) then 4-6m got harder, then 6-12m probably the hardest - sleep was in 60-90m increments again (sometimes much less) , but baby was so much more demanding during the day . From 12-18m it was still very hard but easier, and then it's graciously got easier. Now at 2.5 and 4, both still wake up most nights, but usually only once, and they are generally easier in the days, save for epic tantrums from my 2.5yo.

My DS was a terrible sleeper as a newborn and then at 4-6 months had a period of great night sleep (up to 8 hour stretches). He regressed again at 6 months but my point is that it’s v unpredictable and everything is a phase! Also, the 4 month regression doesn’t happen to everyone!!