Should I ask her dad to the party?

[Jacqjacq88]

Should I invite my daughter's biological dad to her party?
He knows about her but he's not ever been in contact with her, never met her and I never asked him to sign the birth certificate or for child support and he's never offered any child support.
He lives a couple of miles away with his current partner, her teenage daughter and the daughter's baby (he apparently treats both as his own)
It's my daughter's birthday in December and I was thinking of asking him to the party. Am I mad? Should I just leave things? Should I invite him?

Why?

No!

Don't ask him , if he does turn up it will be awkward as you will be in the middle of hosting a party and not able to talk or introduce DD to him.
Why now? How old is DD?
Anyway, put in a claim for CSA, your daughter will want to know that her father supported her.

Erm why would you 😐 my ex who doesn’t bother with our kids was meant to come to my daughters birthday (he actually asked) then he just never showed up, didn’t even call or text to cancel, not sure why you would invite a stranger as that’s what he is

I dont think he even know her date of birth. We lost contact about a month before she was born as he met his partner and didn't want her to know he had a baby due (tbh I have no idea if he ever told her). He blocked me on everything and it's been that way ever since.
DD will be one on her birthday.

So how will you contact him then 🤔

I wouldn't.
If he gave a shit about her, he knows how to be in her life.
He doesn't want anything to do with her.

I'd be claiming child support tbh. She is entitled to financial support from both her parents.

No. Definitely no.
It's a good job she's got you. What a poor excuse of a father.

@turnupturnip
He had moved and it's only recently that I found out his new address so I would have to post an invitation. I wouldn't go to his door.

@Clymene
I think I'm just worried that if he gets in touch with her when she's older, he could claim that I stopped him getting contact. Which is totally untrue. He is the one that decided to keep a distance. He knows where I live and my phone number, he could have reached out at anytime....I feel that if I at least have proof that I tried to involve him then he can't turn it against me.
It might be silly but these are the thoughts you get in your head sometimes x

Don't invite him

Do start a claim for child maintenance

The fact that he didn’t contact shows that you didn’t stop him, he didn’t contact you, your daughter isn’t stupid she will know what that means

Don’t invite him. If he wants to be in her life he’d walk over hot coals to do so. You’d just be giving him another opportunity to let her down.

If you have his address, post him a note introducing your DC and leaving it open for him to get in touch. Then you’ve done your bit. But don’t link it to her birthday party, you don’t need any drama with other people around. If he wants to build a relationship with the child, you’ll need to do that sensitively and privately.

But you didn't stop contact. He knows where you live, he knows your phone number. He's blocked you.

He's trying to pretend his daughter doesn't exist.

Why would you think he would come to her birthday?

@Comedycook

Don't invite him

Do start a claim for child maintenance

^ this.

@Bettybantz
I know, You're right. It's been a year and if he'd wanted to see her then he would have made some kind of effort by now. I think he's only bothered about his girlfriend's daughter and grand-daughter now.
I know it happens all the time but it's still crazy to me that men have children out there and have zero interest in them. Very strange.

I would write to him say she's soon to turn one and ask if he wants to be in her life, if so you are happy to invite him to her party, but don't give the details in that letter - the ball is in his court then, if he ignores your overtures then you can clearly say to your dd when she's old enough to understand that he chose not to be in her life rather than you lost touch

Even if he voluntarily got in touch tomorrow and was really sorry and begged forgiveness and to see her, I still don’t think you should invite him to her party. Too much drama, too much pressure.

Open a CMS claim. Send him a note if you must, but no party invite.

@Jacqjacq88

I dont think he even know her date of birth. We lost contact about a month before she was born as he met his partner and didn't want her to know he had a baby due (tbh I have no idea if he ever told her). He blocked me on everything and it's been that way ever since. DD will be one on her birthday.

A letter from Child maintenance will be a far more appropriate way of introducing his daughter.

Sounds like he doesn’t want to be a dad.

Thanks for your advice everyone x