Childcare… WWYD?

[Normando91]

Hi all,
I’m due to return to work in March. I imagine I should be able to cut my days down to four a week and make up the hours on those days. My job is very flexible in that I make my own schedule so I’m not too worried about any emergencies and such.
However, I’m not sure what the best plan would be towards childcare. I have access to babysitting from both my dad and MIL which I know I’m very lucky to have. However, would I be putting my son at a disadvantage by not having him around other babies his age (he will be 9 months)
I was thinking I could perhaps have my dad and MIL look after him 3 days a week between them and then have a childminder/childcare place for the other day so he’s getting that interaction… as well as the pressure of paying for 4 days a week childcare being lifted. Or would it be best having him in a childcare setting more often? We don’t have a lot of friends with children of a similar age so I’m just worried he’s not getting the interaction he needs.

Do you fully trust your dad and MIL to do quality sole care, to take your baby out and about, feed them well? Can they keep up with a toddler that never stops? Can they actually commit to multiple days every single week for years? Family childcare can get very complicated indeed and many people end up wishing they'd got professional childcare from the start. A lot of DGPs are very gung ho about the idea of caring for a DC every week but find it too much in practice and quickly flake out.

One day a week in a childcare setting is also likely to make it much harder/longer for a baby to settle. Unless your family childcare is truly rock solid (ie dad and MIL have already taken care of baby for full days in sole charge, taken them out and about, and are definitely in a position to commit every week) I'd consider more hours in childcare.

Hi, as mum of 9 months old girl and professional nanny I would go with your dad and MIL. Babies so young need one to one care. Maybe look for some groups for your dad and MIL can tak your son to so he can be around another babies?

If you can afford it, I'd recommend 2 days of formal childcare and one day each for your dad and MIL (or do half days at nursery a few times a week and he is collected by MIL/Dad for the afternoons). 1 day at nursery can be quite unsettling for children so two days allows them to get more used it. Also, family childcare can be brilliant, but it can get complicated and is often less child focused. Personally, I don't think that's a bad thing, but it's nice for your DS to have a couple of days a week where activities are all about the children, there are other children nearby etc.

The other benefit of a mix is that if he's used to your dad/MIL, if he's unwell, they might be able to take him at short notice. And similarly, some nurseries will, if they have space, take children at short notice if their other caregiver is ill. So that can really help with flexibility.

Just make sure your relatives know what they are signing up for
Eg.... what if they want to go away on holiday...will you expect them to have their holidays to tie in with yours? What will happen if they have hospital appointments? Or they are sick? Have they ever had your children for long periods of time? Are they in good health? .... I say this because I’m 56 ....I used to have my first GD every Monday from 8 to 4pm and I found it exhausting when she was a toddler and I’m pretty fit ....if I went on holiday then it was my daughters responsibility to find alternative care....which wasn’t a problem as we have a big family....I cetainly wouldn’t have committed to 2 days a week.....I have had my next 2 GC only on as ‘as and when’ basis .....either way your child will have his needs met...I used to meet up with friends and their GC or just go about my daily life.... supermarket, garden centre....it’s all good fun when you are a baby

@stalkersaga

Thanks for the reply! Yes, I fully trust them both. MIL has spent the past 3 years looking after her first grandchild who now lives abroad. She’s absolutely fantastic with my son and has cared for him a few times now while we had a little day out just me and my partner. MIL is retired and my dad only works evenings but I would only be asking him on his days off as I think it would be nice for him to be able to spend the evening with us for tea as well. I have no worries that either wouldn’t take him out (likely they’d take him out more than I do) Feeding is obviously something we would need to discuss in detail as he will be BLW by then. I’d also ask both to come with me to do a baby first aid course.
The one day a week in a childcare setting is definitely what’s bothering me at the moment and I’m grateful for your insight. I think possibly we could stretch to 2 days a week then a day each with his grandparents. I know both will want to see/look after him at least once weekly.

I agree that 2 days in care will be easier for baby to settle.
Best wishes for your return to work

I work 4 days, and our arrangement has been 2 days paid childcare, 1 day with ILs and 1 day with my parents - it's worked for all 3 of my children over the last 11 years.

I worked out that my eldest was fine being at a different place every day, but my middle got on better with the 2 nursery days being consecutive. We've carried that on for #3 but I don't think she'd mind either way - if you've got the flexibility to play with which days your DC is at various settings then that's great.

I’d go with 2 days too, one for your dad, one for mil. What would happen if they went on holiday? Could the other pick up that day?
I think one day a week at nursery would take them longer to settle. I’d personally have a parent on the Monday, nursery tues/Weds, other parent on Thursday. That takes out the paying for nursery bank holidays.

Most formal childcare settings insist on at least two sessions a week or it’s just too long between sessions to fully settle in.

My experience has been that with one day it can be hard for the children to settle as it is too long between sessions. I would suggest two days formal childcare (We've used a nursery for over 4 years, and my children have thrived, just find the one that your intuition says will be a good fit for you). My children did 3 full days at nursery from 11 months/ 1yr and then when my eldest turned 3 she did two days at school nursery, 3 at childcare nursery. It worked out well for us, and our son will be doing the same when he turns 3 next year.

There is absolutely no advantage for a 9 month old being in nursery or with childminder over the one to one care of a loving grandparent. If the grandparents can provide all the care I would go with that. If you need ones day of childminder I would go with that but it would be madness to pay for more childcare just for your child to meet other small children. The grand parents could attend a toddler group of you felt that was needed but until your child is 2 it will really have no benefit at all.
The only thing I would add to that is that you need a back up plan. I used family for my youngest a couple of days a week and when they were suddenly unavailable it was really hard to find an alternative which was quite stressful at the time but I guess this can still happen with a childminder.

Thank you all for your replies, really super helpful. I’m not worried about any emergencies in that one or the other may not be able to cover a day, as I’ve said my job is very flexible. If that happened I would simply make up the time another day or work on the weekend instead. My partner also works from home and if there was an emergency I couldn’t attend for some reason (perhaps too far away as I travel) he would be permitted the time to deal with that. However, my dad only works evenings and I wouldn’t be home later than 2pm. MIL is retired and I would be dropping my son off at her house for the day rather than asking her to drive to mine. It works out well as I travel down south and she is on the way. I like peoples suggestions of having GPs attend baby classes with him as this would help with ensuring he is interacting with other children and I’ve no doubt either of them would have an issue with this.

I think they benefit massively developmentally going to nursery but they don't need to be there many days.
Our eldest only went 1 then 1.5 days a week from 15mth and other days with grandparents, she was better with speech and potty training. Our younger ones I became a sahm and they went to school nursery at 3yr, they were much slower with potty training and speech.

We do 2 days with MIL, 2 days at nursery. I book a daily class or group for MIL otherwise she finds the days very long. Ds and MIL have an amazing relationship.

My ds didn't really start to benefit from the interaction with other children until he was about 2.5 but he did benefit from additional activities that nursery provided compared to what we do at home - messy play, different toys, musical instruments, etc.

Don't forget tax free childcare which will reduce your costs down by about 20% if you are eligible.