Toddler CONSTANT whinging - I can barely cope

[canbarelycope]

My DD was a (relatively) happy baby, but since turning 17 months she has been an absolute nightmare. She just whinges, moans and shouts constantly about everything and it’s SUCH hard work. If I take a couple of minutes bringing her food she just does this horrible moany shout, really loudly over and over. She then chucks half the food on the floor and whinges and shouts again because I’m not instantly getting her more.

Playing with her toys, she gets bored after about 30 seconds and yells and shouts over and over until I distract her again for another minute.

We have no family support, no childcare (can’t afford it) and I’m starting to really struggle. I love her enormously but there’s barely any good times at the moment - just constant moaning, shouting and crying.

Does anyone else have this issue or is my DD just especially difficult?! Other toddlers I see just seem so happy, easy and content

My sympathies are with you but she sounds like a perfectly normal toddler. Obviously tiredness, hunger, boredom, confusion, fear and frustration are the usual issues. Can I ask what your daily routine is with her? To reassure you they do usually start to get easier from around 3-4. Would going back to work part time and using the earnings to pay for some childcare for her be a possibility for you?

Toddlers are awful crazy dictators, seemingly designed to drive you mad! And so stupid cute that you get more crazy by then feeling guilty for having anything other than positive feelings towards them.

It does get easier by 3 and another better by 4. But yes, you need a break somehow now and then.

Alot better

@Teawithsugar40 Thank you for responding. Are you saying I could have another 1.5-2.5 years of this? Daily routine is something like this:

7am wake
8am breakfast
9-11am toddler group or park
12pm lunch
12.30 nap
2-2.30pm wake then play with toys
3pm walk/park
5.30pm dinner
6pm play with toys at home/bath
7-7.30pm milk and bed

Sounds like my 18 month DD - the whinging is relentless, I feel your pain!

I did notice some white on my DD’s gum, where a molar should be so I’m putting down her moodiness to that. Has your DD got her molars yet?

Ugh it’s so horrendous. I would recommend some Janet Lansbury. I feel like ok my very best days I am a Janet Lansbury parent and on my worst I can try to keep it ok mind. She has a website with articles all about approaches one to deal with kids and I used it a lot during the unreasonable stage. It’s good for thought even ifs it’s not your style. The one thing I took from it was, losing my rag and getting angry never helped.

Is she having snacks? My DD gets properly whingy when;

hungry or bored.

With hunger (when paired with tiredness in particular) Sometimes she gets to the point where she gets overwhelmed with all of it and she can't even focus to eat properly, so I have to give her an "easy win" food like banana or milk, to give her a start, take the edge off, so she can "reason" better and eat her dinner. If that makes sense? It's like she can't think to eat the food?

Sometimes she's just bored, so I have to stop what I'm doing and refocus on her. Or set her up with a slightly different activity. She is usually happy pottering around whilst I'm making dinner or whatever, but sometimes needs a suggestion like "do you want to do drawing/puzzles/play with baby doll" and she is usually okay.

This is why I hated 1-2 yr olds, very physical, little communication. Breath- swear in your head- step away when need be- trust is gets better once they can speak I promise you (this is why I spent hrs is soft play at this age)!

If it helps, I used to find that they were really AWFUL just before a massive developmental leap or something tooth related (a new one in your case I suppose). So this total whinginess will pass.

I also found bunging then in the bath helped, who cares if they have more than one bath a day?!

I also question snacks. Mine is like a totally different child if he's allowed to get hungry!

We do breakfast, mid morning snack, lunch, mid afternoon snack, dinner. Definitely keeps him on a much more even keel!

Sorry, DD is 22m.
But around your DD's age, I realised that she needed more substantial snacks. My girl can eat for England, and half a dozen grapes weren't cutting it!
She has things like water crackers and cheese/banana/mini muffin/crumpet/savoury flapjack/milk etc for snack.
Today she had to have dinner about 45mins earlier than normal because she was hungrier than normal. It's hard to learn the cues though. And it doesn't help that some days she eats almost as much as an adult,and other days not much (for her), sometimes over served her dinner at 5 thinking she must be hungry as she'd had lunch at 12, and maybe a small cup of milk at 2:30.... She eats about 4 peas and declares herself finished 🤣

Sounds like you’ve got a fairly good routine going there but would also add in snack times at 10am and 2pm if you don’t already and possibly an earlier dinner around 4.30pm then snack before bed. A lot of toddlers this age are quite exhausting and a bit of a break from that makes it just that bit more manageable. Plenty of mothers work just for this reason!
Also bear in mind when little ones have any kind of bugs/coming down with something they can also be a lot more grouchy than usual for a while.
They gradually get easier so e.g a 4 year old tends to be easier than a 3 year old and much easier than an 18 month old. That’s not too say 4 year olds won’t have their moments (frequently) but much easier to keep them entertained, have some self care skills, they are more reasonable, can negotiate with them much more etc

My daughter is 19 months and is EXACTLY the same. Sometimes it’s soul destroying then others she is happy/funny and just amazing. 2 days ago I had a particular bad day with her and I thought I was going to have a breakdown. I’m totally with you, it is really really hard. I underestimated how hard the toddler stage is. It’s been like this for about 4 months now so I’m hoping things might get a tiny bit easier soon.

What I do think is that a lot of it is frustration as they can’t tell us what they are thinking or wanting properly yet.

Thanks everyone. She eats loads, including lots of snacks (sorry, I forgot to include that when sharing our routine above). So I don’t think she’s hungry!

It could possibly be teething or a developmental leap though.

I underestimated how hard the toddler stage is. It’s been like this for about 4 months now so I’m hoping things might get a tiny bit easier soon.

Thanks @Avocadoseed, so did I and let’s hope so!

I hear this. I’m basically only in the house for nap and meals on my days off with DS (17 mo). Angel if we are out and about, busy busy busy. A whinging, fussy nightmare if we are inside! Also agree with PP, the whinging definitely gets worse in the run up to developmental changes.

I used to walk out the room when mine whinged literally ignored it. Gave loads of praise and attention for being good but stopped playing as soon as they whinged. Not if they we're genuinely upset of course but moaning for no reason just walk away they soon get the message

It's the right age for molars so it could well be that. Also, do you give her as much attention when she's not whingeing as when she is? Apparently that can help in situations like this

Is she ill, hungry, or bored?

Honestly mine did this as well. It's so hard. The constant whining between the ages of 1-2 drove me demented at times. I had to physically leave the room on occasion as I was very wound up by the noise and needed to calm down before I could deal with it.

Yes hungry, tired, bored, in need of attention are all factors but I found sometimes they just did it and nothing helped. I'm dreading this stage with my new baby!

I'm just wondering if there's an update on this thread from the OP? I have an 18 month old and I am struggling here!