MIL manipulation

[SaturdaySummer]

Please advise how I can stop my mother in law from asking my husband for things (that I've already said no to) when I'm not there.

She's done this a few times when I've said no to her doing things with my newborn and she's gone behind my back and asked my (pushover!) husband hoping he will say yes.

I don't want this to be too confrontational and I am happy to speak to her directly but I want the relationship to continue to be (overall) okay and as I know I can be very blunt, I was hoping someone could Help me phrase my conversation more tactfully please?

My MIL is similar.
DC are 10&12 now and it's only now that things are a little better although she still tries to corner her son when I'm not there and ask if she can take the dc places if she asks them. I resent her so much that sadly I feel happy when they decline her invitations although it really shouldn't be this way.
When they were little it was terrible. DP could never say 'No' to her and I was left looking like the bad one when I put a stop to outings and sleepovers that I just wasn't comfortable with.
He has got better over the years but she still sees him as the weakest link- so to speak.
I think the answer is for you and your dh to present a united front. He needs to work with you as a team and with the premise that if one of you isn't happy with something then it doesn't happen. Full stop. No ifs or buts.

Just tell him nowt as unattractive as a man still attached to his mil by the umbilical cord..

"Sorry- we're not comfortable with that"
"That doesn't work for us just now"

@MrsFoxyplease

My MIL is similar. DC are 10&12 now and it's only now that things are a little better although she still tries to corner her son when I'm not there and ask if she can take the dc places if she asks them. I resent her so much that sadly I feel happy when they decline her invitations although it really shouldn't be this way. When they were little it was terrible. DP could never say 'No' to her and I was left looking like the bad one when I put a stop to outings and sleepovers that I just wasn't comfortable with. He has got better over the years but she still sees him as the weakest link- so to speak. I think the answer is for you and your dh to present a united front. He needs to work with you as a team and with the premise that if one of you isn't happy with something then it doesn't happen. Full stop. No ifs or buts.

That sounds like you've had the same experience, hopefully you're finding it easier now the 'no' doesn't have to always come From you. This is the issue, her taking my 5 month old away for 'trips' in the car etc and overnight stays that I'm a long way off being comfortable with. My husband doesn't seem to see this as a problem but I resent being the one always making excuses

Difficult to stop her asking.

Your DH needs to stop agreeing though.

I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this.

Don’t make excuses, just tell her directly you’re not comfortable with it yet. Tell your DH the same thing and to back you up.