My stepdaughter

[concerned21]

Hi everyone i have recently learnt after years of confusing silence from my stepdaughter that she will not answer or say anything so she does not have to tell a lie. I use to think this was rudeness on her part YES I FEEL GUILTY!!!!!

abit of background had never met DSD mum before i had my son for the 5 years i was in my DSD life i did try many times she was not interested which was sad i don't have anything against her she's not my ex my partner and her relationships is toxic but when my son was born i wanted to blend and have a positive relationship so i went over and asked her again if we could have a relationship this time she was very keen which is great!

But......

My DSD has always been fine when with me fun open laughter all sorts a few things she didn't do that shocked me sometimes with age development but she's unique i use to think. she wouldn't answer certain questions not invasive ones normal ones like how's school how's your brothers do you like your new home as she moves alot.

and she just wouldn't answer or she would cry but we didn't push I'm now friends with DSD mum and have seen on a number of occasions when DSD mum tells me something DSD will either say when i don't remember or if DSD mum is lying about something to me DSD will go off camera when having facetime or will just not say anything because i get the sense she does not want to lie to me because she knows that isnt something we do in our household if anything im little too honest so im defo not perfect but we dont have secrets in this house about anything.

Should i be concerned?
am i overthinking it?

worried to approach it with DSD mum as as soon as i dont agree with her about something she will stop our relationship being positive and its not good for the kids so do not want to ever challenge her as the children seem to know more than what they should and they are really benefitting out of blending seeing DSD brothers play worth my son warms my heart and DSD so please give me some insight on what to do.

i hope it made sense for a start

Kind regards
a lady who just wants a peaceful family

I can't work out on what earth you're talking about. What's happened?

(I've read your post several times, I just can't work it out! The mum lied about something and the stepdaughter wouldn't play along maybe?)

Your post doesn't make sense

Maybe she doesn’t talk because she’s confused about what you’re asking her?

Kids never tell you anything about school. Fact. How was your day. Ok . What did you do? Nothing.

But anyway you're saying when the Mum says for example we had a great time having lunch Sunday then DSD won't say anything to contradict that or confirm it? She sounds like she just goes along with what her mum says. Is her mum quite dominating? Kids are very different with different people.

i hope it made sense for a start

No, it absolutely doesn't.

No idea what is going on.

It sounds to me like you want to confront your DSD mother about something she has done which you disagree with? What exactly do you think she has done?

Households do things differently, if you mean things like bedtimes, being on tablets 24/7 it is best to just let it go.

I would put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel if someone else called out your parenting?

It's better to leave the communication between the parents of the child, your way could get really messy.

Are you saying that in the past your DSD would at times refuse to speak when spoken to, which you thought was rude. You now understand that she'd been told not to say anything, and so wasn't able to speak on those occasions?

That she's been under immense pressure balancing the expectations of both sides, and you hadn't realised?

That you've just realised this by watching her behaviour at times her mum puts her on the spot on zoom calls?

And you are wondering if you should tell her mum how difficult it is for the daughter, and both agree to avoid putting her in that position?

I also can't work out the issue from your post.