Forgotten everything!

[GoBrookeYourself]

Hi,

I have just had DS2 7 days ago and can’t remember ANYTHING from DS1 and starting to feel overwhelmed. I’d hoped if I asked a few questions, I could get some reassurance from anyone in a similar situation that everything is as it should be?

1. DS won’t sleep in his next to me cot, so I’ve been sleeping with him in bed (DH has gone to the spare room). He just cries and cries if in his cot for more than 5 minutes, but I don’t want to co sleep long term and don’t know how to fix this or if it’s normal?
2. We are EBF but I’m finding it a bit lonely; DH is in the spare room so I can feed/change DS2 in peace in the night and he can sort DS1 in the mornings, but the nights are feeling very lonely right now. When can I supplement with formula without it affecting supply too much?
3. Baby blues. I think it’s a combination of the early dark nights, the cold which I hate at the best of times but I feel so sad all the time. I miss DS1 and spending time with him, I miss the routine of my old life. I know baby blues are ‘normal’ but can anything help?

And finally, DS2 sleeps in socks, a long sleeved vest, a sleepsuit and a swaddle but I’m worried about the temperature at night, especially with rising gas prices. We keep the house at 19-19.5 during the day, 20 for a bit in the evenings and 16 overnight. Does this sound okay? His nose is cold in the night and it might be a reason he’s not settling except on me.

Thank you if you managed to get this far.

Oh sorry, one more- when can I expect a routine to start? I don’t do well with uncertainty, I much prefer routine and at the moment it just feels like anything goes. When do they start napping/feeding more regularly so I can start a routine?

Congratulations :)

I'm not sure I can help as I only had my baby 4 weeks ago but I'm commenting so I can follow for answers on your first point re co sleeping. My baby will sleep in it for the first portion of the night 10-2 ish. But then after that won't settle anywhere but on my chest and I don't actually sleep properly when he's there because it's scary. He just lies in his snuzpod and makes groaning noises and shuffling about and seems unhappy until I get him out.

I had baby blues up until around 2 weeks after. Midwife said it's normal up till around the 2 week mark. My sadness came when my milk came in around day 4. I don't know if there is anything you can do to help but I found going for a walk helped some what. I'm 4 weeks post partum now and I don't feel sad at all, tired yes but not sad lol :)

I've also been told it's too early to get baby into a routine until around 12 weeks. I don't do well without structure and i have a baby that won't sleep unless I make him sleep, he's quite happily stay awake unless I make him sleep. But for the past two weeks I've loosely been following the Gina Ford routine 1-2 weeks but it's very strict so I've taken aspects that work for me. But mainly going off the babies wake windows. So I usually start the day at 7 with his feed and then I make him sleep after every 1 hour to max 2 hours. I'm roughly feeding him every 3 hours but if he's sleeping i now don't wake him because he's well over his birth weight. and then I do a half feed, bath, pjs, half feed, bedtime around 6-7pm. Our living is room is really bright in the day and then from 4/5pm when it gets dark we only have a dim lamp on. So I feel he's quite good at knowing the difference between day and night because his night sleeps stretch much longer than the day ones.

Hope any of that is helpful but I still don't know what I'm doing to be honest 😂

Don’t worry I forgot everything after DD1.
You need to make peace that you can’t just slot a baby into your old life routine- things will be different a little chaotic for a bit, but ultimately it’s a blessing to your entire family.
Does your eldest go to a childcare setting at all?
My eldest prob watch a little too much CBeebies when I was breastfeeding her sister- yes but so what she doesn’t remember and she loves her sister and playing with her.
Routine- you can have a basic routine from now, get up, get dressed, bath, bed etc- but regimented naps and sleep times maybe not for 6/7 months if breastfeeding. Mix feeding- I wouldn’t start for maybe 3 -4 weeks if you can but not the end of the world if you mix- just don’t let yourself believe that the cluster feeding isn’t normal compared to a bottle.
Do you have a sling to take the baby out with your eldest?

Thank you both for responding, it helps to know you’re not the first or last to feel like this.

Congratulations @jessicakxx, it’s amazing but so overwhelming!

@OnlyFoolsnMothers eldest DS is 4 and started school so I thought the timing would be perfect and I’d be able to enjoy DS2 during the day and DS1 when he’s back, but the reality is DS2 won’t settle anywhere but on me so I can’t give DS1 my undivided attention and I miss him.
The sling is a really good shout thank you, I do have a couple I used a lot, but as I had a c section I’m just waiting for the stitches to be taken out (hopefully today) as when I tried the sling it felt uncomfortable in that area.
I think if I mix fed I’d regret it, especially as DS2 is taking to it much better than DS1 did, it’s just very consuming right now. The HV said he should feed for at least 20 minutes, but really it’s a few minutes, he falls asleep, I try to wake him, he halfheartedly relatches and falls asleep again and then we do that for an hour haha. Can I ask how long it took you to feel like things were getting to ‘normal’ in a sense?

Sorry to say my DD is 3 months and we still don't have a routine, I haven't really bothered trying to establish one though because I'd heard it can all go tits up with the 4 month sleep "regression" anyway!
I think if co-sleeping the recommendation is not to swaddle but his nose being cold isn't a good indication of temperature anyway, need to check torso/back of neck for that.
@jessicakxx how do you make your DS sleep during the day? There are times I know my DD is tired but no amount of white noise/bouncing/rocking will get her to drop off, I just have to wait until she's hungry again then she'll fall asleep feeding.

Just saw that you've said he falls asleep feeding, my friends baby did this and she took her to a cranial osteopath and after the first session she went from feeding for 5 mins max to feeding for half an hour. She only did one more session after that and the normal length feeds have continued.

@EdithGrantham it's frustrating isn't it! The first two weeks of his life he was literally staying awake sometimes 6 hours straight and I was like what the heck a newborn is apparently only meant to be able to stay awake for 1hr30max! He would just stare at us and then get himself all worked up and mental. I swear he's older than he actually is.

Anyway, I always put him in his Moses awake after 1 hour or 1 hour and half of being awake, I use the love to dream swaddle and then the dream egg white noise on, I then stroke his nose until his eyes start going and then I walk out the room and usually he's settled within 5/10 mins. If he doesn't settle after this, I recheck he is ok, but I don't communicate with him, I just re stroke his nose and check he is ok. If another 10 mins and he's still awake, I lay him sidewards in my arms and shh him and pat his bum constantly and again don't make eye contact etc and then I hat usually works. That is what I've had to do this morning as it was going on 2 hours since he woke up and he wasn't settling. Only issue is I'm now baby trapped 😂

GoBrookeYourself I think I had quite low expectations that it would be so difficult that I wasn’t that thrown by the difference. My other daughter was 3 so it makes a big difference when they are older, they like being independent and getting their own snack and dressed etc. I’d set colouring up on the table and breastfeed next to her on the couch and we’d chat, put on trolls whilst I fed etc- you don’t have to be fully active to engage with your eldest but it’s definitely a temporary shift.
Routine just needs to be get dressed (even if out of pjs into a tracksuit) and regular meals, ease up on yourself!

@jessicakxx extremely!! She only slept for about an hour within an 8 hour window the other day,and they were just cat-naps of around 20 minutes. But she's generally happy when she's awake so I'm guessing it's only really a problem for me!

1. With my ds I nurse him to sleep then put him in his cot. If he wakes up when I put him in his cot then I pick him up and offer the breast again. If he refuses or he feeds a bit but finishes the feed wide awake then I let him go back to playing and try again later when he is more tired. Otherwise I nurse him back to sleep and put him back in his cot. If he wakes up again then I repeat the whole process.

I had one rough patch recently when he was teething and I ended up bedsharing for two weeks. The rest of the time he has slept in his cot.

Also you mention that he falls asleep just a few minutes into a feed. My tongue-tied ds used to do this. I was exclusive pumping for the first two weeks until I could get him to latch using nipple shields, then for the next two months he still needed a zillion feeds per day and had to be topped up with expressed breastmilk in the evenings. After that he got the hang of everything, at 7 months he still nurses every hour and still only nurses in the side-lying position and he still spits up a lot and I’m still using nipple shields but he’s happy most of the time and his weight is at the 91st centile so I’m not worried.