I'm so ashamed

[Sunshinelollypops8]

So my 2 and a half year old has been very very hard work lately. And tonight I snapped and without even thinking I gave her a little smack on her arm because she had good of the bunny and was squeezing him really tightly on purpose.
I feel so ashamed and disgusted in myself. She said oh mummy that hurt.
I didn't even think I just did it.
I swore I would never ever lay a finger in her. She's just been so testing at the moment and all I seen to be doing is shouting.
Iv tried gentle parenting but it doesn't work.
Shouting doesn't work. Nothing is working. I'm at my breaking point. Well I broke this evening.

Basically she's 2 going on 16. And never listens then does stuff like this ...
she bit her friend and then faked cried and when I said she should stop because she isn't the one who is hurt and isn't really crying. She looked my square in the eye and I said know mummy.

Then she was drawing on her hand and I had asked her to stop multiple times. I then said I'm going to count to 3 abs if you haven't stopped il will put the pen in the bin. I got to 3 and she said don't worry mummy I'll put it in the bin for you. And off she went and put it in the bin.

Honestly I'm really struggling. I don't even know the point of this post. I just feel like the worlds worst parent

I don’t have kids yet but didn’t want to read and run. I think you’re being hard on yourself - you know you shouldn’t have acted like that and you regret it. I would move on and look at other discipline methods like time out etc. The example you give about the pen - she is not worried about the consequence of it going in the bin clearly- what would she be concerned about? No tv? Timeout? Losing a privilege? I think you need to find something that she will work to keep and use the same method so she understands. She’s still very young so I think consistency is key.
You sound like a good mum to me and I think you’re being hard on yourself! I’m sure lots of other mn’s have kids same age as you so you’ll get lots of advice. I watched some super nanny episodes on YouTube recently and they were really interesting about discipline methods so maybe see if you can get any ideas from there too. Be kind to yourself xoxox

Ps) you are absolutely 1000000% not the worlds worst parent!! Deffo watch some Supernanny 😘 xo

she sounds fab … I know that’s no consolation though when you’re in the thick of it!

You didn't have time to persuade/shout her out of squeezing the bunny.

I do have kids and agree with what the above poster says! They are bloody hard work at this age, stick to your guns and keep consistent even when she throws the inevitable tantrum. Introduce sticker charts if you think they’ll work for you, follow through on everything, positive or negative. You’re not a bad mum!

Don't worry about it and move on. Go to bed early as you'll feel like shit and terribly guilty. But tomorrow is a new day and fresh start.

Be kind to yourself here… It’s hard work and they are testing!! You’ve really not done anything that bad and you’ve immediately regretted it. Move in as quickly as possible and I always try to remember that if you’re close to smacking, it’s because you’ve lost control and that, ultimately, isn’t going to be a good discipline technique. She won’t remember and you won’t do it again! You are definitely not the world’s worst parent!

It is not good that without thinking, out of anger you smacked her. It's a loss of control, yes it's not a massive smack, it won't scar her for life, but IMO, the smack (although I wholeheartedly disagree with) is not the biggest issue, it's that you did it out of a loss of control. That's a problem IMO.

Yes kids are testing and we all get frustrated but you need a plan of action for when you get to the end of your tether, you need to be able to put space between you and your child when she winds you up.

She was hurting a pet I think you had a reaction to that, please don't think you are the worst parent in the world. Toddlers are a challenge sometimes and I think in this situation words were not going to cut it with her. I'd not allow her near the rabbit for a while just give it a miss for now.

Your daughter sounds like a force to be reckoned with. You are raising a strong willed woman, good for you!!

(don't beat yourself up over the smack, it's not great but you know that, and the way you feel right now will hopefully mean you'll never do it again. Parenting is hard at the best of times and it sounds like you've got your hands full right now).

Almost every parent I know could have written this at some point, me included. Don't worry OP. You are doing a good job. She won't remember today and this naughty phase will pass eventually.

OP, I've done similar (and worse tbh) so I know how hard it is to be kind to yourself but please try.

She sounds like a ball of energy and it's a challenge at this age to keep up with them sometimes!

She clearly wasn't really hurt and she will forget about it if it's not how you would normally handle things.

She may be testing boundaries. Pick your battles, stand firm and calm on the important ones and let some things go if you can.

I once spent 3 hours returning DS to the time out chair. He’d apologise, we’d have a cuddle, then he’d smack/bite/scratch on purpose to see what I’d do. 3 chuffing hours for him to finally understand I wasn’t going to allow horrible behaviour I think at that age you just have to find a consequence they care about (I also used to put a favourite toy in the cupboard) and be absolutely rigid in always doing what you say you will. Some small people are much much much more testing than others! Try starting the day by setting expectations: we’re going to try our best today to do kind behaviour, and if we manage it we can do something nice later. If there is behaviour which is not kind then X will happen.

There are certain situations where only a short sharp shock will do. Hurting animals and safety are both examples of this.

I agree with a PP. The rabbit didn't have time for you to "persuade" a spirited 2 year old not to squeeze it. You did absolutely nothing wrong.

For some reason I thought it was a toy she was squeezing but if it was an actual rabbit then to be honest you needed to do something quickly to stop it! So fair enough, I mean you can't really reason with an over excited toddler quickly enough to stop them hurting an animal can you?

I almost smacked my three year old this morning. I was at the end of my tether, and he’d been hitting me.

You know it wasn’t great, and you won’t do it again.

This is no help, but she sounds bright as a button. I love the image of her going to put the pen in the bin for you!

I wonder is there something here about picking your battles? Of course she must be stopped from hurting people or animals, but does it matter much if she’s drawing on her hand? Another idea here is to redirect ‘oh you feel like drawing! Here’s some paper, we draw on paper’.

If you think about what you can let go then she and you can have some breaks from the battle of wills.

I did the exact same once. Felt like absolute shit about it and never did it again.

First of all- have you got any back up? Is your DD’s dad on the scene? I say this because when I reached breaking point (which has happened numerous times I’m the past!) I had to look at carving out a little bit of time for myself. Just an hour to go to the shops or an exercise class or grab a coffee. Some sort of social outlet where I could just breathe for a bit.

Also- are you getting enough sleep? Being tired is a killer and a complete patience-slayer. Go to bed ridiculously early for a few nights if needed.

Be nice to yourself at least once a day- it might just be having a bath or even a long shower at the end of the day, watching a programme you like , sitting down with a nice magazine and a cuppa when DD has gone to bed. Have a little something to look forward to for yourself when you’ve “clocked out” each day.

Then have a look at some toddler-parenting sites to help you keep the faith. I found “aha parenting” great, if somewhat targeted to a US audience. But I used to read an article or a problem page and it would remind me why i was drawn to “gentle” parenting (albeit I often fail at it). It’s just nice to remember why you bother with that approach despite it being a complete PITA not to just be able to roar “just effing do as I say!” from time to time.

Don’t worry- 2 is verrrry challenging. It gets easier when they can listen to reason and begin to realise they aren’t the centre of the universe. At the moment I imagine it can feel like parenting a tiny Donald Trump.

Solidarity

It sounds like you acted out of instinct to stop her hurting the animal rather than you were really out of control angry with her. It's so tough, toddlers can drive us right to the edge! Forgive yourself, start afresh tomorrow and keep your chin up, she sounds wonderful and that's because you're obviously a wonderful mum!

You’re absolutely fine.

2.5 year olds are menaces. Yours sounds brilliant, and frustrating, and much like my own tiny goblin. Who this week appears to have forgotten her own name, judging by her inability to answer to it because she’s too busy doing EVIL THINGS.

Is the bunny OK? Is DD OK? And are you OK? If the answer to all three is yes, then that’s fine. Have a bottle glass of wine and tomorrow… well it might be equally shit but at least you’ll know to keep her away from the bunny for now.

If it was a real bunny then she’s lucky she didn’t get bitten cos that would have hurt a damn sight more.
You’re not a bad parent. Defiant 2 year olds are the most annoying thing on the planet some times!!
Use this to start trying to come up with some consistent strategies to deal with her behaviour. It’s not going to magically stop but it might give your some more patience and control.

Thank you all for your replies. You have all made me feel 1000% better than I was!
I'm currently having a soak in the bath to wind down. And going to order a sticker chart to help with those listening ears 🥵.

It's nice to know im not alone with the toddler terrors haha!

For those asking - bunny is ok 👌🏼 luckily the bunny is only a baby so is abit floppy rather than a full grown one that can be rigid.

Toddler is also ok, I apologised to her for my actions and explained it was wrong and I shouldn't have done it. So I know for the next few days that's all I will here is 'mummy is sorry for XYZ' 😂 and the guilt trip will be laid on thick.

Glad you are feeling a bit better OP. You need to try and move on and forget about it now, don't feel guilty at all anymore. I have a 3 yr old little girl and sometimes I am shocked at her rudeness and defiance, it's quite incredible! Children can be SO testing and we are all only human. You also reacted to stop her hurting a little vulnerable animal so absolutely stop being so hard on yourself. Also as my mum always tells me when I feel guilty if Ive really shouted etc and then feel bad, she reminds me that tomorrow is a new day.
Be kind to yourself

Sorry to hear you've had a tough time and reading the replies i was about to mention that the important thing is to show your child that parents are not perfect and model how to deal with things when you don't behave as you want, and repair them.
But then i read your follow-up where you said you apologised and explained that you shouldn't do that, and i think that's such a big learning opportunity for your little one, that parents make mistakes too and they repair them respectfully.
So i think you're absolutely rocking this parenting rollercoaster of emotions, keep it up!