Not enough hours for feeds, naps, can’t work it out?!

[Sarahvid]

Hello!
Looking for some help/advice- any maths whiz at the ready!
My 6 month old currently has a bottle about every 4 hours (I don’t rigidly stick to this though, if she’s fussing/hungry I’ll feed her whenever)
We recently had help from a sleep consultant and baby can now self settle, sleep longer stretches etc. The sleep consultant said we should increase baby’s wake windows every few weeks and by now she should be awake for 2.5 hours. She recommended wake up from night sleep at 7am, first nap around 9.30am, baby sleeps for 2 hours. Then another nap at 2pm for 90mins. First of all, it’s very rare that baby sleeps 2 hours, normally hour and half is most I get. The consultant said having longer wake windows will help achieve this 2 hour nap. Second of all, how I am meant to fit in a feed every 4 hours, if baby awake time and nap time = 4.5 hours?! I don’t want baby waking from nap because of hunger, but then she needs longer wake windows to get a longer nap?! I thought maybe don’t feed her first thing in morning, push it back by 30 mins but she sometimes is fussing and clearly wants it. She normally still has one night feed at 3am.
Basically, I can’t work out how I’m meant to get enough milk in her by offering bottle every 3-4 hours, have 2.5 hour awake windows and then 2 hour naps?! It doesn’t work. Plus I’m weaning, so trying to find a time where baby isn’t starving and getting upset with new food/experience but also isn’t really full from milk, and of course isn’t sleeping!
Mind blow
Any other Mum’s been through this or have any advice on how to fit it all in?! (Forgot the housework and showering . Baby recently is just a bit miserable and I think it’s because she’s not getting enough milk but I’m offering it as much as I can. I just can’t seem to fit it all in/get it right
Thanks in advance

Honestly???
I never had a set schedule with any of my 3. I fed them when they were hungry/around meal times roughly and put them to nap when they were sleepy. I had my first baby who only napped for very short periods of time during the day, my second had a very long nap every afternoon right up until she went to primary school and a 3rd who had no real routine.

Never had any real issues with food/sleep and all of mine are fairly adaptable to any situation eg if we were out for the day they would happily nap in the buggy/car where as I had friend who rigidly stuck to a schedule so ended up with kids that wouldn’t sleep anywhere but in the cot at home.

The honest answer, is that babies don't listen to sleep consultants or like to follow routines that are dictated to them. They are hungry when they are hungry, tired when they are tired, just like you and me. It can be stressful when they are little but they really do settle in to their own routine when they are ready to and research shows that any sleep training now makes absolutely no difference to their sleep as toddlers or children.
And you'll never get it all right. None of us do. Just do what works for your family. When it stops working, change it.

I just knew what the age of your baby was going to be when I opened this!
6-12 months was hell for me to be honest. Trying to fit in weaning (which for us had to be very regimented due to food allergies) along with all the feeds plus daytime napping being almost non-existant was so stressful...and I am a maths whizz.

Sorry I don't have any actual helpful advice, only empathy and .

What are her bottle times, meal times and nap times?

I’m genuinely not taking the piss when I ask this, but what was your DD’s natural routine like before the sleep consultant advised you?

Bottle at 7
Nap at 9.30
Wake 11.30
Bottle 11.30
Nap 2
Wake from nap 3.30
Bottle 3.30
Bottle and bed 7.30?

Do you still do a dream feed in the middle of the night or does she sleep right through?

Babies aren’t robots so however hard you plan things likely won’t always fall into place! 3.5hrs naps sounds like quite a lot to me as well. My DD does about 3hrs naps (which I always thought was a lot) and when we were on 4 feeds (we are on 3 now she is 9 months) it would go a bit like this:

7am - wake and milk
8am - breakfast
9am - first nap (first wake window has always been short for us - 2.5 hrs would be too long)
10am - wake
11am - milk
12pm - lunch
1pm - nap
3pm - wake and milk
5pm - dinner
6.30 - milk
6.45pm - bed

Every day we would just jig things a bit so some days we may not be able to fit in lunch, or the milk would come after the meal instead, sometimes we would wake her early for a class or activity etc. I do sympathise though as I found the couple of months where they are on 4/5 feeds ans 3 meals pretty full on!

Well my two would have laughed in the face of any one proposing that nap schedule. When did they suggest they eat? When did the propose you go out? You're missing all baby activities (I know not everyone goes to groups but it's nice to have the option)

I'd prioritise baby eating and actually having a nice time with your baby.

I'd expect a 6 month old to have three shorter naps to be honest.
Something like
7am up and bottle
8.45/9 nap for 45 minutes to an hour
10.30/11am bottle
middayish second nap 1-2 hours
3pm bottle
4/4.30 cat nap 20-30 minutes
6.30/7pm bottle
another bottle dreamfeed 10.30/11pm before you go to bed

When you start doing solids it gets even trickier fitting it in but I'd aim for around 8am, 12pm or 4/5pm doing whichever ones works best around naps and milk.

Ahhh, as someone who got far too hung up on my DS’ naps at around about the same age, please don’t overthink this too much. As others have said, you can’t force a 6 month old to sleep for 2h, just because a sleep consultant said she should. My DS only consistently lengthened his naps beyond 40 mins at about 9 months (when he was firmly on 2 naps). Before that, it was anyone’s guess how long they’d last, with no real link to how long the preceding wake window had been. My advice would be to make sure she sleeps 3 times a day (probably 2 times a day reactively soon) and offer her food and milk regularly during the day. I found, with each passing month, DS had to be genuinely tired to nap, so get out and about loads and don’t miss out on things by being too tied to an impossible nap schedule.

*relatively soon

Thanks everyone, you all speak a lot of sense. More than me. I’ve just lost my mind a bit.
@MuchTooTiredDD didn’t really have a natural routine before sleep consultant, I would feed every 3 hours, then 4 as she got older and naps were just horrific. She had a lot of sleep props etc hence why we got help with sleep. Only cat napped. No dream feed but does have a night feed early hours of the am, probably 5 times a week and twice a week she sleeps through.
@whateverintheworld thanks for your suggestion, I might use your ideas a bit and see if this helps at all.

Do you think 4 bottles a day is enough? She only takes 6-7 ounces per bottle. Just wondering if she’s unhappy because she needs more bottles in the day?! But then she doesn’t take them when I offer them. Maybe she’s just a miserable baby 😂
I’m happy to not have a strict routine, but I feel I need something just because I can’t figure of what I’m doing when, too many balls in the air.
Thank you all again for your sane advice, really grateful. Makes me feel better and that I’m not completely effing it up!

I can relate to this so much!! I was so lost with how to fit everything and was getting very stressed!

My baby is now 7 months but our routine is generally:

7/730 - up
8am - breakfast made with formula
830 - rest of bottle
9/930 - nap (about an hour)
1030 - bottle
12 - lunch
1 - nap (1.5 - 2.5 hours)
3/330 - bottle
5pm - tea
6pm - bath, bottle, bed

There are so many reasons why a 6 month old may be grumpy. Boredom, overstimulation, frustration whilst working on a new skill, teething…I think a lot of people who peddle themselves as baby experts often go for ‘sleep’ as the obvious solution too quickly. Don’t get me wrong, sleep is supremely important for babies. But having arbitrary goals of how much sleep = a happy baby is ridiculous and actually does a disservice to the fact that all babies are different with their own personalities, wants and needs.

Why don’t you put down for a nap, with no expectation of how long they will last for, at 9am, 12:30 and 4:30pm and take it from there?

My two both still wanted three naps at 6 months (3rd just a catnap by this age) and dropped the 3rd nap closer to 8m.
You could try two evening bottles (7am, 10.45, 2.30, 5.30, 7pm is our current rhythm), you could also try a dream feed. I looooved the dream feed.

I also struggle to fit everything in so feel your pain.

Am finding it particularly difficult to fit in breakfast as baby normally wakes around 7-7.30 and has milk but then I need to leave at 8.15 for school run and get home at 9.15 by which time baby has fallen asleep in the buggy and naps for 2 hours.
Think I'll have to give up on brekkie unless I can get baby to wake earlier or stay awake until home from school.

Have decided to just not stress about it and try to get a good mix of food throughout the day.

Mine is the same age. I’ve paid for a sleep consultant and tried another 2 plans but have to say they just don’t suit mine.

She gets up at 5/6 and naps at 8 for up to an hour (sometimes 20 mins is all you can get even with a 3 hour wake window) and then her lunch nap is 11.30/12 and again she’ll nap for a max of 90 mins usually needing a resettle after an hour. We’ll do a final 30 mins around 3.30/4 and she’s in bed by 7.

She just won’t do 2 hour naps and hasn’t since she was 3 months old. I feed her 4 hourly around 7/10.30/2/6 and do purées / toast as and when.

Ahh I would have written stuff like this as a first time Mum. But honestly.. your baby is 6 months old!! ‘Sleep props’ are not a thing at all and you do not need to fix anything, it’s completely normal to rock your baby to sleep, feed to sleep etc. it really doesn’t mean it will be that way forever.

My twins are 3 months, they nap when they are tired. Sometimes it’s a short 15 min nap but I just go with it because otherwise I’d spend the whole day overwhelmed trying to fit them around a schedule. I feed on demand, the same I did when breastfeeding even though I now use formula. I don’t think anything of having a bottle on the go. Sometimes they nap in the cot, sometimes they nap on me and sometimes in their bouncer. Or sling/ pram.

Please sack the sleep consultant, relax and enjoy your baby!

Reading this is making me feel a bit guilty that I don’t have a set sleep or feed schedule for my 4 months old. She has roughly 3 naps a day which vary in length and timings and we do a solid bedtime routine, but morning wake-up’s can be at varied times as well. I ebf on demand roughly every 2-3 hours during the day. My reasoning is that they change so quickly and she’s developing and functioning well and getting the recommended amount of sleep in general.

Am I missing something? Should I be more concerned with wake windows and having a rigid routine? Genuine question as I’m a little alarmed at how detailed and strict this all seems to be…

@Sarahvid you are definitely NOT effing it up! I can’t remember too much about mine being 6m, and it wouldn’t really be relevant as my DTs sort of came with their own schedule which I just followed, but I do remember it all going a little haywire once I started weaning them.

I think really it’s a play it by ear time. I found once mine started to eat they slept better as they were more full, but it took me a long time to get to 3 meals a day with them. I stuck with purée for lunch for ages, then introduced some dinner and breakfast happened when they were about 9/10 months and I’d overslept and we all woke up starving

You’re doing great, and the sleep will hopefully! come soon. It’s so much easier once you leave bottles behind.

@MuchTooTired Thank you for your reassurance and advice. I feel better today with it and have just gone with flow with the day and tried to fit in what I can when I can. I’m sure once I get the hang of weaning it’ll all change again anyway 😂

I think we were roughly

8am wake and bottle
9am breakfast, get dressed and head out somewhere
10am nap - 30-60m
11am bottle
12pm lunch
1pm nap - 60ish min
3pm bottle
5pm -30-45m catnap
6pm - dinner
7pm - milk
11pm - dream feed
2am - bottle
5am - bottle

It was about 7 bottles a day, but every 3hrs at night still. In the day, we were basically feeding something every hour that she was awake.

It does eventually slow down!

My first was hopeless and had no natural routine, my second has been a bit better but she only had 2 naps at 6 months. I bf but just offered food when there was an opportunity and she wasn’t too tired or hungry. It was 9 or 10 month s when it was 3 meals and snacks throughout the day. I’d just go with the flow. I do always take mine outside for a walk/ push for at least half an hour as fresh air does us the world of good.
But don’t stress it’ll all come together

@Luckyelephant1 no you are doing amazing you don’t need a routine at all. It’s just personal choice. With my breastfed baby I just stuck her on the boob basically all day to keep her quiet!

Rather then trying to fit X amount of sleep/naps and Y amount of milk into a 24 hour period just focus on how much your baby wants/needs in that 24 hour period.