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Why is my daughter so anxious at 11?

4 replies

Samsentimental · 31/10/2021 23:52

OK so I have a wonderful 11y daughter, who while with my husband and myself has all the confidence in the whole and can speak up for herself without an issue, but when it comes to school and friends she is the complete opposite.
She has never liked to get in trouble at school and now she has started high school and it's even worse, she is petrified almost about getting a c2 (lunch detention) as they are really strict on many things. She struggled at primary raising her hand and speaking in class, but now she won't do it at all, in fear of getting laughed at by her peers or getting told off for not knowing what she has to do, but again won't ask. She has had a complete meltdown tonight, begging us to not make her go to school as she doesn't know if the new friends like her and feels lonely there. She feels like the teachers don't care, but will not ask for help. I am so lost, half of me knows she has to go to school and wants to stick her on the bus whatever happens, but the other half wants to protect my baby girl and keep her safe with me. Are any of you going through something similar?

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EmeraldShamrock · 31/10/2021 23:57

I think the changes are hormonal.
Everything changes from 11.
My DD's anxiety started around 11 too.
Is she nervous about secondary school, is anyone bullying.
All you can do is keep an eye, give her a hug and tell her you're there if she needs anything

Summer776 · 01/11/2021 00:17

I yriduce her to mindfulness so she cn feel equipped to manage her feelings we teach this in Receltuon, the importance of stopping and focusing on the breath in and out it really does help.
So contact her schools pastkral team who can talk to her and be aware of her emotional needs at school. They will advise you then.

Summer776 · 01/11/2021 00:18

*introduce
*Reception

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Samsentimental · 01/11/2021 14:01

Thankfully we're very open and talk about everything under the sun is 🙏 and there isn't any bullying going on thankfully. It seems like she is in shock of how strict the school is and she feels a little lost, not knowing where she belongs and whether people like her or not.
She has been a little anxious for a couple of years now, I have taught her "square breathing" and grounding herself, see, hear, feel, smell, taste etc
Thank you for the advice regarding the schools pastoral team, I will call and find out about that.
I just worry I'm letting her down somehow, my husband has never had anxiety and is much tougher than I am, but I'm trying not to coddle her or feed into her anxiety, because life is hard and I need her to toughen up a little.

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