Child's freind really aggressive

[Rhica]

My son is in reception and has had the same best freind since he was about 2 years old. They really have a lovely freindship and I have since become very good friends with this boys mum as a result.

But.. In the space of 2 weeks I have seen this boy act really really aggressive towards my son. The first time he grabbed him by his hood and pulled him off his bike.

The second we had gone out for the day and the boy was really hungry and became emotional and angry as a result. I told my son to keep his distance to give the boy space which he did. My son was running about and the next minute his boy ran as fast as he could and pushed my son as hard as he could

Now I understand at 4/5 years old they are still learning to deal with their emptions, but the mum never told him off! Nor for the first event. How should I react in this situation? Talk to her? Wait til it happens again and tell her off? Tell the kid off? Tell my son not to play with him anymore? If it was my son I would have told him off and made him say sorry. Possibly even a punishment (such as finished the day early) as a consequence for his bad behaviour.

Or is it kids being kids and I need to let be? To clarify this wasnt a frustrated kid telling my son to back off. This was an aggressive attack on my child who did no provoking. Would love some advice on how to go forward with this xx

The Mother isn't helping so in your shoes, I'd take a big step back and start asking other kids for playdates. Just to make sure your son doesn't get stuck with this boy.

It depends on how you think the mother will react if you speak with her about your concerns. Will she take on board what you say it be defensive/dismissive? Don’t teach your son to tolerate someone being aggressive to him. If it happens again you need to speak up in the moment.

You might find that your friendship with this mum needs to come to an end. It will mean the end of your son's friendship as well, but it happens. It may be a case where the other mum's parenting/disciplinary tactics are so far apart from yours that a relationship just isn't possible.

I've experienced this, so I understand.

Thanks for the advice. Yes I've already encouraged him to play with other kids but they have a such a strong (and mostly lovely) bond they are always drawn together. It's just this childs temper.

Im happy to sacrifice the friendship with the mother as I dont think she will take the critism well. Just wanted to check i wasn't being an overprotective mother. I've always tried to make these things a non issue but that approach relies on the other parents to enforce discipline. And I definitely don't want my son to accept this behaviour towards to him. Next time it happens I will be making it clear its not acceptable.

Thank you ❤️

@Rhica

Thanks for the advice. Yes I've already encouraged him to play with other kids but they have a such a strong (and mostly lovely) bond they are always drawn together. It's just this childs temper.

Im happy to sacrifice the friendship with the mother as I dont think she will take the critism well. Just wanted to check i wasn't being an overprotective mother. I've always tried to make these things a non issue but that approach relies on the other parents to enforce discipline. And I definitely don't want my son to accept this behaviour towards to him. Next time it happens I will be making it clear its not acceptable.

Thank you ❤️

Yes you need to teach your son to look after himself and he needs to see you modelling the right behaviour.

As soon as the child becomes aggressive, I would remove my child from the playdate. I would say 'come on DS, xxxx is tired/hungry, let's go home'. Everytime. That way you aren't criticising him directly but you are pointing out his behaviour is unacceptable.

Personally if your friend is blinded by her bully dc then you step in. To protect your dc and teach her /her dc that's not ok behaviour.. My friend had a similar ds... I had the shy quiet one!! She had no issues with me handling things as she was way too bloody wet to say no to her ds.
If you are prepared to lose the friendship to save ds from the boy you have nothing to lose by giving it a go!!