Feeling awful for destroying perfect family

[Missworry92]

Hi everyone, long story but I ended a relationship back in June with my ex, we have a baby together (11month old) he only moved out 3weeks ago as he was struggling to find his own place. Now since he has moved out I should be feeling better, all these days when he was still under this roof I just couldn't wait to get rid of him. He was emotionally abusive and I know he was not good for me but how can I start feeling better? I always spoke about having a perfect little family and fighting for each other no matter what and now even though I feel like it was the right thing to do I feel so awful for destroying this possibility of a perfect family. I feel so alone and so down I even thought about suicide - but I couldn't leave my baby and I don't let those thoughts get close to me. Can anyone tell me their stories how they possibly met someone else and was way more happy? I just feel like I don't want to date as I will never find any happiness.

It is hard. My daughter's father left us at a really bad time last year. I understand exactly where you are. I too feel a horrible guilt that my child doesn't have a big happy family. I have no family so it's just us two. I just try to focus on being the best mom I can be. Sending you hugs and hope for a happy time ahead!

Does your happy family have to include a man? Have you thought about why that's the first thing you mention when talking about your ex leaving and how to be happy. When you're independently happy it can leave you less vulnerable to unhealthy relationships. Think about what you enjoy doing and what you can prioritise for your child, you can help them a lot more. A happy, engaged, connected, playful parent will help your child more than going through the ups and downs of desperately dating whilst your toddler is at such an influential age.

Two unhappy people staying together is not a happy family.
My parents were those unhappy people, many years ago. They divorced before I can remember. I feel very lucky that both of my parents lived good lives with people they loved, and did the things they wanted to do. It made them happy people. I would choose two happy homes over one unhappy one every time.

A perfect little family requires 3 or 4 perfect little people - I don't know any perfect people, not even my kids!

Hi OP,

Change is hard but it sounds like you've made a tough but right decision for you and your baby. An emotionally abusive partner is not part of a 'perfect family'. I agree with a pp that your focus shouldn't be a new relationship but being the best mum to your baby and looking after yourself. Do you have anyone that you can talk to and get some support from in RL? Please speak to your GP or HV if you're feeling suicidal.

You could never have been a perfect family with an emotionally abusive man, and you’ve done the right thing by protecting your baby.

You don’t need a man to be a perfect family. There’s no such thing anyway