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Overbearing MIL. HELP!

7 replies

Mummyinthemaking89 · 31/10/2021 15:39

Me and my other half are expecting our first baby next year. Since we found out I'm pregnant his mum has been trying to be as involved as possible, trying to invite herself to appointments etc. We live with my mum as she struggles with some tasks around the home and I help her out. His mum is the one who said to save stress stay at my mums when the baby comes so can help still and less pressure on us. My mum and his have both offered to help with childcare when I go back to work but his mum is obsessive over it. I only plan on going back part time because I want to spend as much time as I can with my baby because we didn't think we'd have kids. His mum is on about setting the baby up it's own nursery. Getting herself a full travel system "because she's going to have the baby that much its pointless keep dragging ours to hers". The thing is....between me going part time and other half doing shifts anyway. It'll only be once in a blue moon she has baby but she can't seem to understand that. I have reservations about her having the baby anyway because she is a heavy smoker and can't go more than 20 mins without one and doesn't bother about smoking in front of her other grandchild. She's booked a holiday for us all to the middle of nowhere 6hrs away when the baby is 3 months old without asking if we would be up for it. I did get on really well until recently when she just takes over everything. Other half has spoken to his mum but she doesn't listen. Help!

OP posts:
EnidFrighten · 31/10/2021 15:46

Learn to say no.

You also need to be able to stand on your own two feet, there's a difference between having GM help out and being dependent on them. Make sure you can do without their help if need be.

Personally I wouldn't have my baby around a heavy smoker, it increases cot death risk significantly.

TidyDancer · 31/10/2021 15:52

It seems obvious to me that she's worried about being second best to your DM since you live with her. She's gone hyper with it but if you have a generally good relationship with her I don't think this needs to escalate into something huge. Maybe a bit of reassurance that she'll have a part of her grandchild's life might be what she's looking for.

Fallagain · 31/10/2021 16:11

Just keep your boundaries. Let her buy what she wants it doesn’t effect you.

If your Mum struggles around the house will she really be able to look after an active toddler?

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Dontforgetyourbrolly · 31/10/2021 16:17

I'd take each day as it comes and don't stress over things you can't control.
She wants to buy loads of stuff for her house ? Let her , it's her money.
She wants to book a holiday without consulting you? Let her, it doesn't mean you have to go .
I'd also take all offers of childcare when you go back to work with a pinch of salt, it often changes once the baby is actually here.

Remember this is your baby and if you have a problem with her smoking ( I would) then you'll have to speak up , but wait until the situation actually presents itself.

Poppy709 · 31/10/2021 16:24

It’s hard, it’s normal to be excited but I would also have a huge issue with the smoking, it increases the risk of sids and being hospitalised with other respiratory illnesses, my DC would certainly not be staying overnight with a heavy smoker.

AmandaHoldensLips · 31/10/2021 16:29

Smoking + baby = NO

Notaroadrunner · 31/10/2021 16:34

Get paid childcare when you go back to work. By the sounds of it your mother won't be in a position to do it if you live with her to help her. When you are paying for childcare you will get a say as to how your child is looked after. However I imagine your mil will just do what she wants regardless of any parenting style you wish to practice. The fact she's a smoker would be a big negative factor.

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