High School applications

[Lottieloves]

Need advice ASAP, my DD application for high school is due in today. we have done all the open evenings (back in Sept) but we are struggling with actually making the choice. We keep putting it off.......

She is 12 but just can't make up her mind. My husband said that she must make the decision, I don't think she is old enough Her preferred school is out of catchment, even though she goes to a feeder school, all her friends will also be going to that school. On the open evening the admissions said don't even bother as we are over subscribed!!!

Her catchment school is close by, some of her friends may be going there BUT I work in the school, Its in special measures, trying to get itself out with a good head. I see the other side to the school, bad behaviour, teachers morale is low, kids/parents that just don't want to get on and get a good education. She is not very academic, struggles a bit with some of her subjects. Struggles to make friends.

One other option is that she has the chance to go a brilliant outstanding school, that has a brilliant extra curriculum activities. It seems to have a mix of both (good results, but excellent opportunities outside the classroom.) to get to this school she would need to get the school bus, its 10mile journey away. They seem to have a longer day than the local schools. At the moment she gets home at 3.45 but if she went to the school in the next town she wouldn't get home till 4.30.

I just need outsider opinion, as its causing lots of arguments in the house. I think she thinks that if she comes to the school i work at, she will be able to get a lift to and from school (like she does now) but I'm not sure if Ii will be at the school for much longer (another thread)

Any one with any advice?

I dont remember ever getting an option where I went. My parents made the decision for me. I dont think I would have made a sensible decision at 12.

I think your dd should have input into the decision but not total responsibility for it. I presume that you've explained that you don't plan on staying in your current job for very long, and about your concerns regarding the local school?

The third school sounds like a good option. Is it mainly the journey that you're worried about? 10 miles isn't too far if there is a direct school bus (I travelled 12 miles every day to get to my old secondary) but you will need to be prepared to ferry her around a bit in the evenings and at weekends in order to facilitate her social life - I think this is the biggest downside tbh.

I’d pick the 3rd school and when she’s older she’d probably thank you fornit

That's what I was thinking, but my DH wants her to make the decision. I don't think she understands

The school has its own bus service, just for the kids of the school. I have said that I don't mind ferrying her around. The thing that I liked about the outstanding school was that it had lots to offer in the extra curriculum. Yes it was outstanding but they were more bothered about the student as a WHOLE. And its a faith school, but it wasn't rammed down your throat. (I went to a all girls, catholic convent school were it was all about being religious)

I think you can help her "make the decision" by listing out the pros and cons for each option and giving her a clear steer on what's important. She isn't old enough to decide without any guidance but she can be involved in the decision making process.

Suppose we don't want to make a knee jerk decision, we have talked about it for the last 4 weeks but now we have to actually submit the form. I am panicking.... I just think the next few years are so important that we need to do the right thing... it doesn't help that whatever school she goes to, my DS will follow and I think he would really thrive there also... I think getting the bus each day will help with her independence....

A 12yo is far too young to make this call. Your DH is being a knob.

You the parents are supposed to have sufficient maturity to assess the pros and cons carefully and balance the priorities that are going to be important when your DD is 14,15 &16 with her immediate preferences. She has never been a 15 year old and has no idea what's going to be important for her long term wellbeing. Sometimes the best choice overall isn't the same as the desires of the 12yo and you the parents have to make that call.

There's no harm putting schools that there is little chance of getting in to on the form, so long as at least one choice on there is a 'banker' where you are certain to get a place. That may be the one you teach at. As valid as your concerns are, if you don't put it on the list at all you risk being assigned an undersubscribed school at random which may have just as many problems AND be 5 miles away.

Independence is a bit of a mixed picture tbh. I used to catch a school bus every day, not really sure that it made me any more independent as it was a service that was specifically laid on by the school. Where I probably lost out on the independence that my teenage dd currently enjoys was being able to plan things Independently with friends outside of school, because we were all scattered across a 30 mile radius with pretty poor public transport links, so we were very dependent on our parents for lifts etc. Whereas my dd can get herself to her friends' houses much more easily.

Still, I don't think the travelling was a big deal for me in the slightest, and I wouldn't let it put you off if that looks like the best school. You just get used to the journey if you're doing it every day.

How does your dd feel about the religious aspect? Mine was very adamant that she didn't want to go to a religious school, and she was really articulate in explaining why, but a lot of kids probably wouldn't give a toss either way!

She’s too young.

Take her preferences into account. There is nothing to lose by putting school 1 first. If they are over subscribed then so be it.

I would ask her how she feels about travelling to school 3. If she thinks it would be too much/tiring etc then I would put school 2 first. Otherwise put school 3 first.

Never underestimate the value of a school that looks at the student as a whole.