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Parenting

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Original poster

No bath in 7 days

23 replies

Yorks1234 · 30/10/2021 20:44

AIBU - my ex has just had the kids for seven nights. Ages 3 and 7 they’ve come home to tell me they didn’t have a bath the entire time. I believe them as DS1 is smelly.
Things are strained so I’m not sure how to broach this situation. He has just moved on his own from his parents and never did any of the bathing, or childcare generally when we were together.
Maybe another story but they only eat pizza and junk while they are there so come home thinking I’m a vegetable nazi.

OP posts:

OneLifeThreeGuvnors · 30/10/2021 21:11

Yikes. I think you need to broach this subject with him. If he never did any childcare is it possible he's worried about the safety aspects of bathing them? (Trying my best to be empathetic towards him!)
Also, I'd be planning shorter trips to his for the children, and also trying to subtly find out from them what else happened that I need to know about.

DGFB · 30/10/2021 21:20

I’d also be planning shorter trips abs if he shakes to have them longer, say “I don’t know how throw him this hut last time they came home they were really smelly and said they didn’t have a bath the entire time. Please can you bath them every other night?”
As for the food, not much you can do

DGFB · 30/10/2021 21:22

Sorry for typos! That should say:
I’d also be planning shorter trips and if he asks to have them longer, say “I don’t know how to broach this but last time they came home they were really smelly and said they didn’t have a bath the entire time. Please can you bath them every other night?”
As for the food, not much you can do

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Kneller92 · 30/10/2021 22:22

YANBU it is a tough one to broach without coming across as blaming/causing friction. Maybe just say I'm not sure if you are aware but the kids usually have a bath every night and think it's best they keep to their routine for consistency over the two houses?

TheLastSpookyBakedBeanSaysBoo · 30/10/2021 22:24

Have they washed their faces? Brushed their teeth? Cleaned their bums at all? Clean clothes on? That makes me feel so sad for them surely being clean is a basic minimum. I wouldn't be happy sending them back for contact, especially contact that lasts so long. Is there a court order in place?

Clementineapples · 30/10/2021 22:25

I wouldn’t be too fussed about a bath although I think 1-3 times a week is plenty so assuming they’d be bathed when they got to yours is fine IMO.
But have they brushed teeth? Had washes? Clean clothes? Etc

SnugKnights · 30/10/2021 22:29

I think as a one off it’s ok to only have 1 bath a week, but agree that he needs to be washing them at least once a day and ideally morning and night. He must’ve known his son was smelly so there’s no excuse for that.
Does he have a healthy diet, was he just being lazy with the food?

nurserypolitics · 30/10/2021 22:33

In all honesty I think a bath once a week ins't the worst thing in the world at those ages. Our DD is 3, has eczema and generally gets two baths a week, any more than that isn't comfortable for her, we obviously wash her face and hands and she's still helped going to the toilet.

7 nights is pushing it, but I'm not sure its worth raising. Do they shower with you? Would the 7 year old be able to shower solo?

IsThePopeCatholic · 30/10/2021 22:40

I wouldn’t worry. If they’re having a nice time and they seem happy, let it go.

wertheppl · 30/10/2021 22:45

That's gross. I wld txt him and say can I just check the kids said they didn't have a bath at all in 7days but they are winding me up, right?

I would expect at least 3/4 times in the week. It only takes 10mins!

Tigertigertigertiger · 30/10/2021 22:53

Are the kids happy ?
It’s not a huge deal

Okbutnotgreat · 30/10/2021 23:20

Pick your battles. As long as they’re brushing teeth twice a day I couldn’t get worked up about a week without a bath, when I was a child one bath a week was pretty normal.

Clementineapples · 31/10/2021 01:23

when I was a child one bath a week was pretty normal.

Same here, Sunday was bath day lol

EBearhug · 31/10/2021 01:26

Same here, Sunday was bath day lol

Yes, but strip washing happened in between (well,it did with us.) No bath/shower doesn't (shouldn't) mean no washing at all.

IndecentCakes · 31/10/2021 01:30

I'd be pretty fed up, but I'm an every night no exceptions sort. It's lazy.

DietCokeChipsAndMayo · 31/10/2021 01:39

I’m surprised how many people are saying this is no big deal
Clean and fed properly is an absolute basic minimum of parenting surely??
7 days without a wash is disgusting - especially for a three year old, they get very sticky and dirty on a daily basis
Are either of them girls? Is the 3 year old out of nappies?

mrssunshinexxx · 31/10/2021 01:57

Personally I'd be v pissed off it's not hygienic at all and a bath: shower is a staple part of daily routine . I wouldn't go a day without a shower or a bath so I wouldn't expect my children too either

Purplebear37 · 31/10/2021 01:13

Another one surprised at the pps suggesting this is OK. I also "coparent" in a terse situation and I would be changing that contact schedule as of now. Did the kids want a bath? The older one has potential for being picked on at school for being smelly, I would not be OK with this. I don't bathe my children every night at all, but 3 days is my absolute limit and only when there's been a lot of late nights.

liveforsummer · 31/10/2021 07:57

Even if only having one bath a week you'd still have one in 7 days - a whole 7 days without washing just isn't acceptable and I feel does need to be broached if they go for that length of time again.

nurserypolitics · 31/10/2021 10:57

@DietCokeChipsAndMayo

I’m surprised how many people are saying this is no big deal Clean and fed properly is an absolute basic minimum of parenting surely?? 7 days without a wash is disgusting - especially for a three year old, they get very sticky and dirty on a daily basis Are either of them girls? Is the 3 year old out of nappies?

But no bath doesn't have to mean unclean. My 3 year old isn't sticky and dirty that often, even though she does a lot of outdoor play in her nursery. Her hair is always tied back, its very dense and very curly and washing and drying it is at least a 30 minute job. Bath night is a very full-on hour, and also involves arguing with her to get the special eczema cream on afterwards. There's no way I'd do that every night. Doing it twice a week, she looks clean. She is always well fed, always in clean clothes and pjs, always has teeth brushed and face and hands washed. Now we bathe her on average twice a week, but have definitely gone 5/6 days before because of unexpected circumstances and done more than that where she has, say, got yoghurt in her hair/got all muddy.

But I think the 'nightly bath' thing in a cohort who haven't been through puberty is just a habit and is usually totally unnecessary, and for many kids its much worse for the skin.

liveforsummer · 31/10/2021 11:01

There's no way I'd do that every night. Doing it twice a week, she looks clean.

Twice a week is fine, no times a week just isn't. The dc weren't clean. The older dc smelled!

TryingMyBes · 31/10/2021 11:04

I must have dirty dc they always need a bath each night !!! A wash just doesn’t seem to work and their skin gets sore if they aren’t washed and creamed daily

Moonshine11 · 31/10/2021 11:07

As a one off, I'd tell him for next time.
But yeah I'd be pissed off

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