Overwhelmed Mum - Please help

[TryTryTryAgain95]

Hi all,

I’ve recently been feeling that I’m failing in so many departments.

A background on me I’m 26, have a 2 year old little boy, I’m 8 months pregnant with our second little boy, work full time, studying my degree part time, planning a wedding and have been unwell in this pregnancy with hyperemesis, gallstones, SPD and anemia.

I’m doing my best to keep up with everything but I’m really struggling. Our house is a mess, my partner is doing absolutely everything he can to help and is incredibly supportive but it’s too much for one person. We try to split things evenly, He does the cooking, and cleans the kitchen, sort out the pets, dishwasher, and I usually do the laundry, bathroom, hoovering and general tidy up (I prefer that as I’m a bit of a perfectionist when I comes to where things go). At the moment I’m only managing to do the laundry once a week, I hoover as often as I can but know it’s not as often as I should be, and the rest is really just falling short. I feel awful as I know how much pressure it’s putting on my partner as he tries to pick up the slack from me where he can. If I’m completely honest Ive also been slacking on self care recently too :(

I just don’t have the energy at all once the day is done to clean and do all the rest at the moment and I hate myself for it. Ive had to ask for help often with my toddler when I’m not working for the same reasons and I can’t remember the last time I took him out the house alone. I’m failing as a mother to him and I’m so worried what’s going to happen when our baby arrives.

I just want to be back to my normal self but I think I’ve slipped into depression and I don’t know how to get myself out of it. I suffered PND three months after my two year old was born and managed to get back into a really good place last year. Ive re-referred myself to the mental health team, but what else can I do to get motivated?

I’m desperate

Thank you for your replies in advance ❤️

This is going to sound strange and probably not what you wanted to hear but please put down the soap powder, have a bath or shower if you feel like it get cozy, stick a movie on the telly completely munch out on something youre able to enjoy and put those feet up.

I'm positive if you say to your partner that too much is going on, physically and mentally and you need them to take over for a while, they would. I know you believe its too much for them but you need the rest and some time to be yourself again before another little one arrives.

if not, think about your "back up team" whose able to support you in your time of need, if you feel like no one is there for you, try have a cozy time with your toddler and remind yourself of the positive times being a mum brings and my Props to you for referring back to the mh team.

I know things are hard, but you got this. Take some time to destress and feel good

I’m not sure you need to get motivated to be honest. I would probably just work on accepting that your standards are going to have to slip for a while. As long as things are ok from a hygiene point, I wouldn’t be fussing about hoovering regularly or keeping things in tip top condition. It’s just a phase of life and things will soon change. Wishing you all the best with your pregnancy and don’t be too hard on yourself.

Your main issue is that you are being too hard on yourself.

You are accomplishing an awful lot just to be working full-time and studying.

You would be accomplishing an awful lot just to have a toddler, be pregnant and not be well.

BUT you are doing ALL of this and still think doing laundry and hoovering once a week isn't enough .... if you both have clean pants to wear, then it is enough!

You need to give yourself a break, lower your standards a fair bit and prioritise your self-care. Rest is very important for your mental health and your mental health is much more important to your family than a spotless home.

I have had phases of being overly preoccupied by my home being all perfect and clean and tidy and it's always been because everything else felt overwhelming and out of control and I was in inner turmoil.... Perhaps this is the case for you?

You are doing amazingly OP.

Just a practical suggestion - when my two were small, I did an occasional service wash at the launderette to get on top of the laundry. And it really doesn’t matter if the hoovering is left for now.

Good for you for self referring to the mental health team.

Just take it a day at a time.

I agree with all the previous comments. Give yourself a break, it’ll be better for your whole family in the long run. Reminder your SPD will get better when baby arrives and the anaemia will gradually improve.
Could you afford a cleaner for a few months if you think that would help your mental health? Or buy a robot hoover.
It’s so important to look after yourself when you’re so heavily pregnant.

If your DH can't do the housework on his own he's a failed adult! He'd have to do it if he was footloose and fancy free wouldn't he? Hoovering is not essential. If it's important for the toddler from a h&s POV get a hand held hoover to keep his play areas clean and leave it at that for a month or two seriously! Xxx

You sound absolutely amazing OP!

You need to take something off your plate. A full time job, working towards a degree, raising a child, running a household and planning a wedding is far too much to do at once. It sounds to me like you are nearing burnout.

You need to sit down with your partner and make a realistic assessment. When does your mat leave start/ could you cut your hours? Could you afford a cleaner or more childcare? Could you put the degree on hold for a bit?

Op..seriously,you are doing amazingly and way way more than what others at your stage of pregnancy are doing,never mind your other issues and having a toddler. You are doing war too much.Stop,really just stop. I have four children now and know what I'm talking about.
All you need to be doing right now is sleeping,resting,eating, napping with toddler.
Get of Instagram and the fake perfect mammy blogs.
Grocery shopping can be doing online and delivered.
Xmas shopping can be done online and delivered.
All above can be done from the couch.
Do not give another thought to how much your 2 year old gets out.
Am sure you must have a family member that can bring him out for an hour or two a week and am sure your husband, who is not 8 months pregnant with SPD can take your toddler to the park once a week.
After that your Ds just needs u. A mammy that's there,even to watch cartoons with or read a bedtime story with.
That's it, Op. nothing else, should you be doing!!
You are heavily pregnant,put yourself and your body first. Don't beat yourself up if you don't get dressed all day. Buy a few nice new pairs of new comfy pjs. Promise yourself a deep soak in the bath once a week where you exfoliate and put on tan once a week. Tan will make u feel so much better for the entire week.
During the rest week just grab a quick two minute shower whenever.
You sound amazing and are doing way too much,just drop your expectations for this stage of your life x

@TryTryTryAgain95

Hi all,

I’ve recently been feeling that I’m failing in so many departments.

A background on me I’m 26, have a 2 year old little boy, I’m 8 months pregnant with our second little boy, work full time, studying my degree part time, planning a wedding and have been unwell in this pregnancy with hyperemesis, gallstones, SPD and anemia.

I’m doing my best to keep up with everything but I’m really struggling. Our house is a mess, my partner is doing absolutely everything he can to help and is incredibly supportive but it’s too much for one person. We try to split things evenly, He does the cooking, and cleans the kitchen, sort out the pets, dishwasher, and I usually do the laundry, bathroom, hoovering and general tidy up (I prefer that as I’m a bit of a perfectionist when I comes to where things go). At the moment I’m only managing to do the laundry once a week, I hoover as often as I can but know it’s not as often as I should be, and the rest is really just falling short. I feel awful as I know how much pressure it’s putting on my partner as he tries to pick up the slack from me where he can. If I’m completely honest Ive also been slacking on self care recently too :(

I just don’t have the energy at all once the day is done to clean and do all the rest at the moment and I hate myself for it. Ive had to ask for help often with my toddler when I’m not working for the same reasons and I can’t remember the last time I took him out the house alone. I’m failing as a mother to him and I’m so worried what’s going to happen when our baby arrives.

I just want to be back to my normal self but I think I’ve slipped into depression and I don’t know how to get myself out of it. I suffered PND three months after my two year old was born and managed to get back into a really good place last year. Ive re-referred myself to the mental health team, but what else can I do to get motivated?

I’m desperate

Thank you for your replies in advance ❤️

Working full time Studying part time 8 months pregnant 2 year old boy 26 years old Few illnesses

Just any two of the above combined alone will overwhelm anyone!!! (Maybe not the 26 year old bit)

Can you hire cleaner? Or perhaps housekeeper? You would need some help

Most importantly take care of the children both toddler and to be born. That is the most important in all of this. Give yourself and them lots of love and compassion. Take it easy for the other things.

All the best OP

Really sorry to hear that you’re not feeling good at the moment. It sounds like you have a lot on! I’m 8 months pregnant with an almost 2 year old and I’m totally shattered even without part time studying and I’ve finished work now so I can only imagine!

When are you due to finish work? If expense allows can you hire a cleaner (at least for the next couple of months to get you through the final bit of pregnancy and early newborn stage?). I know you said you like things doing a particular way but it at least will take the edge off for the time being. I hired a cleaner recently for exactly this reason and she even washes all the bedding and towels which is a huge help...didn’t ask her to think she sensed my desperation!

Don’t feel guilty about not taking your 2 year old out alone, I’ve not been able to for the last couple of weeks either as she’s way too fast / lots of tantrums and too heavy to carry on my own kicking and screaming! I think this is normal and just do what you have to to get through the next few weeks, even if tv time increases they will just be happy being with you and getting lots of cuddles..dads can take them out for the physical stuff for now!

It’s great you’ve referred yourself for help, just try not to be too hard on yourself it’s so so hard being heavily pregnant with a toddler and working (and studying!) sounds like you’re doing amazing just surviving. I greatly underestimated how tiring it would be and have had many days in tears thinking what have I done! I’ve been told toddler and newborn is easier than very pregnant with toddler though.

I think you need to start maternity leave and consider deferring by our degree.

When is the wedding happening?

You have too much on your plate with your current health.

One day at a time, take it easy. First things first, have a nice bath, wash your hair and put some nice lotion on. Next, plan your food and meals for the next week. Write it down on a little book so it is out of your mind and down on paper.

Do you have a garden? Toddler can play outside when it is dry and you can watch with minimal effort. You don't have to take her out every day somewhere different.

Antibacterial wipes, just wipe any surface down like kitchen and bathroom and throw away, quick and easy. Just hoover once a week.

Prioritise rest and sleep and comfort at this stage in your pregnancy.

Can you order a few cheap new toys sticker books and keep in a box ready for toddler when baby arrives?

Do you have anyone who can come in and help you with toddler or take toddler out for you?

I've been there with a newborn and just turned two year old myself. You can do it.

To be quite frank you are doing far too much and you need to slow down. Perhaps postpone the degree and the wedding and simplify the rest. Your schedule is crazy and you will keel over!!