Talk to me about being a Boy Mom!

[Harlequin1088]

So I'm 16 weeks pregnant and at our scan yesterday, my partner and I were given the lovely news that we're expecting a little boy.

This is my first child (partner has two sons from a previous marriage) and to be honest I was convinced the baby was a girl so it has come as quite a surprise!

Mothers of boys - can you please tell me what it's like? Any recommendations for books/websites on positive parenting too please. ☺️

I had one of each, and they were both the same as far as bringing them up. Just enjoy your baby !

@Bbbbbbbbear

I forgot to add - validating his feelings, following Philllipa Perry's advice in her book - and creating space for him to express his feelings, cry etc and accepting those. So much male toxicity comes from men feeling they need to suppress their feelings in my opinion - big boys don't cry etc.

Absolutely, give them the language they need. 'I think you felt angry because that didn't seem fair, but the reason that happened was...' 'I felt frustrated because you didn't do as I asked, you should let me know if you can't...' Stuff like that, name the emotions, identify the cause and agree a helpful reaction... Not just his but your own and those around you, doesn't need to be constant obviously, just as it arises and is relevant.

You and his df model accepting mistakes and fixing them, so I'm sorry I did X that wasn't fair because Y so next time I'll... ' and see it through.

I have a little boy. I also never expected it, as I'm from a family of girls, so I was a little apprehensive.

I shouldn't have been, as others have said, kids are all so different regardless. My little boy is funny, loving, kind, extremely energetic (but that's toddlers).

The main thing I notice is just the ways you need to mitigate outside stuff. So for example my parents often tells my son how 'brave' he is for not crying when he falls over and often approvingly say 'oh he never cries'. They don't mean anything by it, but I notice they don't say that kind of thing to my niece.

If anything boys are subjected to a lot more 'gendered' stuff than girls at this age, there's more pressure on them to confirm to boy stereotypes (broadly speaking) than girls. So it's just noticing that kind of thing for me.

@BurnedToast
DD hates physical contact and DS can't get enough cuddles.

This exactly describes my 2. I went to a parenting course on "raising boys" years ago. It was run by the local children's centre but i felt it mainly seemed to reinforce stereotypes. The course leader said boys would only show affection if they had a hidden agenda or ulterior motive. I said I found this not to be true of DS (he was 3 at the time, he's still v affectionate and gives me loads of hugs now - he's 12) and she just made out that I was too thick to work out what his agenda was!!

When he was about 8 or 9 I was on the front drive/Street talking to my NDN. DS came up and gave me a hug, the neighbour immediately said "you can't give your mum a hug in the street, what if your mates saw" DS took no notice.

@Fizbosshoes That course you've described just absolutely made my skin crawl. What an awful, toxic message to give people!

I'm very lucky in that my Dad was a single parent to myself, my brother, and my sister and because his own father denied him affection as a child, Dad was always adamant that he'd never do that. So he always gave us hugs (including my brother), never discouraged us from affection or told us we were "too old". Even now, whenever my brother walks into my Dad's house, the first and last thing he does is give Dad a huge hug (he's 31!). I hope my son will have his grandfather and uncle's relationship to look up too 🥰

Don't get me wrong though, Dad did treat my sister and I differently because we were girls so there's certain parts of his parenting style I won't be looking to emulate but the hugs and affection we were all lucky enough to experience throughout our lives is something I'll definitely follow on for my children.

I think the saddest thing I ever heard was my Dad talking about his own father (my grandfather) and saying he never once hugged him or showed him affection in any way. In fact, he didn't tell Dad he loved him until he was well into his 80's and had reflected back on his life a bit. Unfortunately by that point, Dad didn't know how to handle that. It's so sad but definitely goes to show how we all have a responsibility to break the generational cycle of toxic masculinity so that our children don't carry it on into the next generation.

13 yr old DS just sat on my lap and hugged me.

If you're already considering toxic masculinity and how to avoid it then you're already ahead of a lot of people with mostly-grown sons, OP! It is nice to hear as many are very resistant to the mere notion (while in it up their necks)....

Don't try and push the foreskin back to clean it because it doesn't retract for the first couple of years and you can cause damage if you try it (sorry if this is obvious- I feel like I've always known it but it bears repeating just in case), yes to pointing it down when putting on a new nappy. When changing in the early days, open the nappy briefly, then close it again because the cool air makes them pee (this is true for both sexes).

Oh, and it can be tricky to find boy clothes that aren't exclusively blue/black/grey/brown. I find Next are quite good, as well as the M&S baby range.

As well as the nappy tips, expect wee all over the bathroom and his room will stink as a teenager. Congrats! X

Oh and there will be mud.

The only difference between boy babies and girl babies is that when you change a boy’s nappy you should hold the new nappy over their penis for a few seconds first because they’ll often fountain pee over you if you don’t.

I have a boy and a girl, both in their teens. My experience of the differences so far is:

Baby boys occasionally pee in your face during nappy changes.

You get an extra couple of years before puberty kicks in if you have a boy

The main other things are to do with balancing social pressures, so with my daughter, I spend more time encouraging her to take risks, speak out, fail with confidence etc because she's faced a lot more pressure to be perfect, and with my son I put more emphasis on using his physical and social strength wisely, and on expressing emotions.

But if I were describe their main interests and activities, it would be hard to allocate them to the boy or the girl:

Loves computer games to an almost obsessive extent, very into cute animal memes, plays a rough contact sport, likes cooking, loves art, watches YouTube videos about science/craft/makeup, plays a non-contact team sport, plays a musical instrument, likes climbing trees, plays dungeons and dragons, distinctive sense of style, doesn't care about clothes unless they are comfortable.

DaisyWaldronthat sounds great, teens round the corner for me so I hope I can parent what comes ok. Bit nervous of my influence waning even while I want them to stand on their own two feet. 😬