First time posting on here, sorry for the long post. It is a bit of a shocker! The last 2 years we’ve been in an impossible situation. STBXH, divorce in process, is a native of Oz. When the divorce was served he decided to leave the uk back to oz. He shockingly convinced DS who was 15 at the time to go with him, DS was having a hard time here with school and friends, his dad enticed him with the promise of a new start, beaches, fab life in the sun. I tried to put a stop to this, but as DS was deemed ‘gillick competent’ the decision was his. So off he went, me and younger dc cried for weeks/months. It didn’t work out, DS wanted to come back, his dad would not let him return, DS became so difficult school in Oz excluded him, he was extremely difficult at home too, resulting in his dad agreeing to his return. Thank goodness. He’s been back 3 months, and is happy as larry, with me and dc. His dad returned after a month too, saying he was lonley. DS says he hates his dad for how he manipulated him into going by ‘selling’ all the good stuff to him, and not helping him see potential difficulties. He feels really angry that his dad would dismiss anything I said about how hard this transition would be. He refuses to see or speak with his dad, when dad comes to pick up other dc he swears at him, calls him abusive, disgusting, even the c-word. As soon as his dad is off the scene he is a happy boy again, kind, caring, helpful, lovely really. DS told me that his dad had apparently planned to get us all out there eventually, and that would stop the divorce. I asked STBXH about this, to which he said, a fresh start could really have fixed things. He says he now realises it was a mistake, says sorry, and wants me to help fix his relationship with DS, he wants DS to go to family therapy with him, of course DS doesn’t want to. I don’t think that I should be doing anything to ‘make’ DS like his dad again, I see it as his dads problem to sort out, I can’t be responsible for backing up what he did, he wants me to present a united front with him that it was all done with the best intention. Because I won’t do this STBXH is saying it’s my fault DS is so hateful. I fear it’s beyond the point of making amends.
Am I wrong, should I be doing something differently?