Struggling FTM

[FTMhelen]

I am a FTM doing this mostly on my own as my partner works away. My baby will be 4 weeks tomorrow and I feel like I'm really doubting myself and like I don't really know what I'm doing apart from the basics. So a couple of questions I have is, people say they change their baby as soon as they've pood, how do you know this? My baby is silent when he poos so there is not usually a signal or anything. Also how do I know if he is in pain if he is crying? And if he has gas/wind? He has been quite unsettled yesterday and today, kicks his legs all the time and wriggly a lot, but I don't know what is wrong with him? I hear people say for example 'oh he ha trapped wind' or 'he has a bad stomach' how do you know this? I'm getting myself quite worked up about it and feel like I'm doing a totally shit job. Advice would be welcome.

You’re doing fine. 4 weeks is a tough point, where the sleep deprivation starts to kick in.

It’s really normal for them to have digestive discomfort but crying can also just mean they are tired.

The wriggling and kicking: they’re just a bit rubbish at digesting at this age so can be uncomfortable after. You can rub his tummy to help and make sure you’re burping thoroughly after feeding. Google baby massage and burping techniques. I find the ‘tiger in a tree’ hold is good for when their tummies are bothering them.

It gets a lot easier around 12 weeks. Hang in there, it’s normal for this bit to be hard and everyone else finds it hard too! You’re not doing anything wrong.

And re: poos. Just check often…

I can assure you - you are not doing a shit job. The fact that you are even asking these questions prove that you are doing a great job because!!

It's perfectly ok for a baby to have a dirty nappy a little longer than immediately after they have done it. We are not psychic! I think a good rule of thumb is to check / change nappy every time you feed baby bwcUae that ensures regular changes. Outside of that - baby will usually whinge when they have done a poo. If your baby isn't whinging that's ok too. I promise you will smell it if baby is on you and if baby is in a bouncer or swing you will likely see it (ha ha ) as newborn poo goes everywhere. In a few more weeks you won't even worry about these things but it is totally normal to worry about everything as a mum - we all do!!

With gas / wind. Lots of babies struggle with wind. If baby is grizzly and unsettled after a feed or is pulling legs up to tummy a lot that can be a sign. Key is lots and lots and lots of really good winding. If breastfed it is less important but I would still do it after baby has finished feeding. Lots of back pasting and slowly rocking baby back and forth (supporting head). If bottle fed - in early days I would say break every ounce for a good wind but at least twice per bottle and lots after. Even if it seems no burps are coming - they will. When making bottles don't shake it but swirl it like a fine wine ;)

As I said in a few more weeks you will know your baby inside out and will no longer be second guessing what they need but you are only four weeks in and you are still getting to know each other.

Keep going. The early days are hard!! It gets easier. You are doing great

Just keep checking the nappy (either a quick peek or a sniff) you will possibly find a pattern emerges on that one. Babies sometimes need a lot of burping (it would take 20 min with mine). I don’t think many people feel like they know what they are doing in the first 4 weeks, I certainly felt like I was stumbling from one thing to another. Also second the tiger in the tree hold! Also what worked sometimes with mine was to lie her down on the footstool if i was struggling to get her to burp, as soon as she got agitated i would sit her up leaning her forward a bit , hey presto burp.

Thank you all so much for replying and for the helpful advice, I will certainly put those to practice. He is formula fed and I tend to burp in the middle and at the end of his feed, he usually only brings up 1 burp or 2 at the most. Is this normal or should he be bringing up more?

Im wondering if he possibly has a bit of reflux as he seems to have a few symptoms of it, he's been quite sickly the last few days and often dribbles a bit of milk, hiccups often, sometimes coughs during his bottle and sometimes agitated afterwards. It may not be though, the health visitor is coming next week so I'll mention this and see what she thinks. I just want to make sure he's happy and not in pain, it's tougher than I thought!

Sound like you're doing fine me.

Poos: we change straight away if we hear it or smell it and check if she is crying and we can't work out why. Sometimes we don't realise for a while and she gets a red bum.

Wind: we try to burp her after every feed unless she's fallen asleep. We don't think wind bothers her. However my first baby cried a lot in the evenings for no reason so we thought it might be trapped wind. We tried Infacol and baby massage, we're not sure if it helped - she grew out of it.

Sounds like hes a perfectly normal newborn and you're doing a great job!

With the poo's, I think people just mean they change their babies as soon as they realise they've done a poo. So second PP, just check often.

I agree its tough though, I remember 4-6 weeks being particularly hard.

Nappies:
Change upon waking
Change before nap and bed
If you do work out they've filled their nappy before the next nap change it when you make this discovery

Naps:
Be hot on this. Use baby sleep site to see what they should roughly be napping for duration and quantity wise

Wind :
Always wind to try and get two burps if possible. Dummies apparently help them deal with bottom of wind.

Knees up is a sign of bad wind and or tummy cramps.

Baby should only cry if they need a feed, change or are tired or have trapped wind and need burping again.

If nappy is dry, they've just been fed and burped well then something is up.

Inconsolable crying where nothing you do helps needs a GP visit.

If nappy is dry, they've just been fed and burped well then something is up.. Forgot to add "and they're up on their sleep"

Id also add - look at appropriate wake windows for the age of your baby and work out what your baby needs. It saves a grumpy baby! My son was always on the sleepier side, still is at 19 months!