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Parenting

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Original poster

Fed up of hearing....

20 replies

yaboreme · 27/10/2021 15:01

That it's easier with 1 child....

Don't get me wrong I know having 2 DC to look after too comes with its challenges, but I'm so fed up of hearing 'well you only have one to look after' when apposed with someone with 2!

I am and absolutely want to be my child's mother, playmate and everything else that comes with motherhood, but if I'm tired, struggling to juggle work or generally need a little support I don't want to be compared to other people in my life who have two...

'Oh yes, but you only have one. It must be so hard for X'

I just don't need to hear it.

Parenthood comes with its challenges regardless of how many you have and that's ok....

OP posts:

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Chelyanne · 27/10/2021 15:24

Well I've got 6 with a dh who works away a lot. I get "Well you're a sahm so have an easy life" I just think piss off and don't share any troubles with people in real life.
Doesn't matter how many you have, sometimes it's damn hard and you have every right to have a moan about it.

Rosesareyellow · 27/10/2021 15:27

Who is saying this? I only have one but no one has yet made this remark to me.
I think it depends on the age of the child/children and their temperaments. I’m sure having two children generally means more work, but then I was at the shop the other day and saw a mum with an older son pushing his littler sister in the pram while she put the shopping in a basket - I had flash backs of steering with one hand and holding basket in the other a few years ago. Situations vary 🤷‍♀️

HumbugWhale · 27/10/2021 15:33

I have 3 and yes it can be hard work, there are often disagreements to deal with, the laundry and school-related admin is a job in itself.
Then sometimes 2 of them will be out (at a friend's house, party etc) and I think I'll have a nice quiet afternoon with the other one and maybe get some jobs done. Except they have nobody else to play with then so actually need more attention than if the others are there. It is exhausting. I know my friend with an only child found wfh in lockdown much harder than I did as my 3 would entertain each other for long periods of time whereas it was quite relentless for my friend.

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SpikeDearheart · 27/10/2021 15:35

Oh yes, I've had this and it makes me feel terrible I know that's on me, really, but it has given me a bit of a complex about how badly I must be handling my life to find just one child a bit of a struggle.

Eri21 · 27/10/2021 16:24

Ah yes, my partner made these kind of comments at the beginning when I was tired, in constant need of sleep and generally just postpartum hormone mess - How can you say it’s hard with a small baby? It’s only one, some women have five, six kids and doing everything and not complaining.
I wanted to stab a knife between his ribs honestly.

Myusernameisnotmyusernameno · 27/10/2021 16:26

I've had maybe it would be easier if you had two then they could play together. As someone who struggled for one and failed to have two it's not a nice thing to hear. Although childcare is easier with one.

confuseddotcom1234 · 27/10/2021 18:52

I don't think it's ever useful to hear. I have 2 and agree it can be a challenge at times especially as they are both little but equally can remember thinking it was hard with just 1 at times. As they get older I think having 2 becomes easier as they can play together in my experience

Original poster

yaboreme · 27/10/2021 19:59

Thanks, I'm pleased to know that I'm not being a complete prick! It would just be nice to have some reassurance rather than been told to pretty much suck it up...

@Chelyanne are you the real life superwoman, I have your upmost respect! 6 children must be tiring (and wonderful all rolled into one)

@SpikeDearheart this exactly! Makes me feel inadequate at times like I must be doing it wrong then?

@Myusernameisnotmyusernameno I am the same, just the one and probably always going to be one, age isn't on my side and it took me a long time to have DC

Thank you to everyone for your replies

OP posts:

TurnUpTurnip · 27/10/2021 20:01

I have the opposite, my sister insists it’s easier the more you have! I have 4 and she tells me it’s easier than 1 🤦🏻 The thing is people say it’s easier because “they can play together” that only works when your kids actually get on, mine hate each other and every day is constant arguing and fighting

Original poster

yaboreme · 27/10/2021 20:16

Haha, I suppose whatever the situation someone likes to disagree.

With 1 you are their constant playmate.

With multiple you are the referee!

OP posts:

Opalfeet · 27/10/2021 21:59

@yaboreme this is correct about the referee and playmate, but I find being a playmate so boring and glad to be a referee. I think comments like that are shit, there's just no point to them, if you are struggling then you are struggling- it's not easy being a parent.

Pros- play with each other, giggle, keep each other company
Cons- when very little- two lots of nappies and as they get older, two lots of clothes to put on, teeth to brush, nails to cut, two kids to put to bed etc
And...fighting

Personally, I'll happily take the pros over the cons and I can see as they get older they'll have each other as entertainment. I think it's swings and round abouts

Abitlost2 · 28/10/2021 08:23

That's so annoying op. People shouldn't compare. I have 3, all same sex, close in age and they get on great thankfully. Of course logistics and physical work of cleaning, laundry, cooking is a lot more than if I had one but other things would be way harder. My dcs are all quite extrovert so need a lot of attention and playmates and although we love playing with them they naturally prefer other kids so having each other is fantastic and makes life easier for us.
We spend one to one time with them but they prefer each other and get bored with us! So I don't think it's easier with one and there are the same worries etc as any parent.
The only parenting thing i do make a comparison with is family support, parents with it do have it a lot easier imho.

hellsbells329 · 28/10/2021 08:28

I get this a lot. Pregnant with number 2 right now and getting lots of 'you've had it so easy comments' especially from friends with 3+ children. Their life probably is more chaotic with 3 but it's not like they didn't choose that life. At times I've felt like less of a mum somehow because I actually enjoy spending time with my child and don't constantly complain about him. That said, you still have to make the same allowances for childcare etc for one as you do for multiple.

Take no notice of silly comments and enjoy your time with your child.

Bananasareyellow · 28/10/2021 08:31

I get similar comments op. We would have liked another but it didn't happen. When ds was a baby all we got told was how much easier it would be with 2 because they'd play together, now we get told how much easier we have it because we only have 1! I find it makes it easier when he's got a friend round but I appreciate that's not quite the same as a sibling.

Cantstopthewaves · 28/10/2021 08:33

I was always hearing " Ah, it's easy with two - they'll bring each other up".

Of course they will.
Especially when there's only 18 months between them

MummyBearBoo · 01/11/2021 22:39

I used to hate this too but now I have 2 I totally see their point!!

heywassuphello · 02/11/2021 07:35

I struggled more with one because he was my first so I always worried I was doing it wrong. Now with 2 I'm constantly moving and busy so I don't have time to worry. I actually prefer having 2, although looking back I kick myself for not enjoying having 1. The only thing that's different really is that you can use nap times to yourself, the rest of the time is just as hard!

thislifetoo · 02/11/2021 10:24

I have 2, I'd like more but I don't think my situation will allow (recently divorced) but very grateful with my 2! And when they were both v young I found 2 impossibly harder than 1, but now they're getting older, 6 and 4, and play together I feel like 1 would be harder, certain things easier perhaps, getting out the house quickly and logistical things etc, but day to day things that children do most the time, playing, sharing experiences, having fun together etc I feel like that would be harder with 1. I'd really struggle to be their constant playmate personally, I'd take the logistical struggles of 2 or more over that

Ohbedhowimissyou · 02/11/2021 12:59

I think it's just a clumsy way for people to talk about the issues they are facing - finding a way in when the other person is talking about something they are going through. It's an entirely pointless method because the person they are doing it to will just resent that they've had their situation minimised.

It's the same with ages of children, no matter what age your kid, people will tell you "if you think this is hard wait until they're (whatever age there's is) ". We get it, each age has it's difficulties but that doesn't mean one stage is harder than another.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 02/11/2021 13:19

I think it must be so much harder with 1- being your childs main playmate and companion (unless you have an introverted child) must be a lot harder.

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