Aspergers/autism with my 6 year old.

[xtaurus97x]

Hey mums, I'v come here because I don't know where else to go.
I don't want to sound dramatic or over exaggerating but I'm losing the will to go on.
I love my son more than anything in this world but I just don't know how to deal with him. We have seen doctors and are waiting for a referral for a Aspergers diagnosis but it's so hard to know what to do in the mean time.
I work full time, I'm a single mum and his father has never been involved so I do it all on my own whilst juggling work. My day consists of waking up, my son having at least 2/3 meltdown before school because of mostly different reasons every morning some meltdowns can be due to something little like his socks don't come high enough on his shins or the feel of his toothbrush on his teeth. But these meltdowns usually start with anger and shouting toward me then gets aggressive and he starts to swear and say things like "I wish you were dead" and then it goes to a crying breakdown on the floor and then usually ends with hysterical crying because he's sorry for how he's behaved.... these meltdowns can last anywhere from 30 mins to 3 hours. And I have 2/3 of these every morning before school run. I then go to work for the day, when I pick him up once again it's constant all evening. Iv spoke to the school all they can say is that there must be a problem at home because he's quiet at school. He is reserved around children and has a social anxiety with a lot of children at once or new children. So they think he's quiet and keeps himself to himself but it's a lot deeper than that. We do have amazing times together and laugh a lot he has a amazing sense of humour but there's just a lot more of the struggle than there is of anything else.
I have no social life what so ever I don't get out I don't get my own time. My family won't look after him because they don't know how to deal with him and just think he's naughty...
Iv tried every approach to try and help him, but nothing helps. I just want to help him, I know his mind must be struggling to process his emotions but it doesn't matter how I approach situations or how I try and calm him or help nothing works.
I just want him to be happy. Right now I'm tired, emotionally exhausted and just feel so helpless. Iv lost myself I just feel like a shell of a person.
Please can anyone just give me any advice or anything that could help? I don't know what else to do.
Thankyou x

Hi op I don't have any experience with this and it must be difficult juggling it all alone. Just a suggestion have u tried taking videos when he has bad behaviour which you could then maybe show to gp/school to see if they can support once they've seen themselves

@scarybutnice

Hi op I don't have any experience with this and it must be difficult juggling it all alone. Just a suggestion have u tried taking videos when he has bad behaviour which you could then maybe show to gp/school to see if they can support once they've seen themselves

Thankyou, I have got a folder on my phone of videos yes. Just seems to take such a long time to get any help for him. Thankyou for you reply 😘

Hi, have a look at this
themighty.com/2016/05/rebecca-burgess-comic-redesigns-the-autism-spectrum/

Staff at school should know that it's common for children to be quietly stressed at school and only show it at home, with someone they feel safe like their mum. It's awful that they're trying to suggest that there is no problem at all. If they looked carefully they'd see the signs. Google "masking at school" to see that this is standard behaviour - children's anxiety builds throughout the day (or even before the start of school) and they let off steam when they feel safe, or when they can no longer contain it.
It can be overwhelming. Look for support groups locally or online. Try to get outside support. Think about claiming dla. You should be able to self-refer to occupational therapy, they'll help with the sensory stuff without a diagnosis.

There are other areas like this one which may be helpful
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs

[quote TheQueenOfTheNight]There are other areas like this one which may be helpful
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs[/quote]
Thankyou so much, I honestly appreciate any help I can get! ❤️

My DD behaves similarly, though its usually just the one meltdown per morning and afternoon.

I make lists for her. Have you tried this? My DD preferrs written lists but you can get the visual timetable symbols off twinkle or other websites.

I have a list of "what's happening this week", just a few bullet points for each day e.g Monday - school, after school club, Tuesday - school, swimming lessons, Wednesday- school, grandma collecting from school etc.

Then each morning she has a list of what she needs to do and the order it's happening in. And I write a list for her that she keeps in her school bag about what will happen after school broken down in small steps e.g Mum will collect me at about 5pm, walk home with Mum, her home and watch TV, eat dinner, bed.

School also give her a list of her day, plus an extra list for the end of the day of the things she needs to do e.g get bag and coat, line up etc etc.

It was explained to me that when they have such a high state of anxiety even the smallest uncertainties can disregulate them and cause a meltdown, so given them warning and detail can help with this.

It doesn't sound like the school are that supportive of your DC and you if they are simply saying they don't see a problem at school. They should know how common masking is and should be making adjustments accordingly.

Have you spoken to the SENCO at school? They should certainly be aware of masking, and how that on the surface a child may be “fine” in school, but once they’re home it’s like they’re a bottle of Coke that’s been shaken all day and that’s when the lid comes off and it all comes spilling out. The SENCO should at least know he’s been referred for assessment - to fob you off with saying the problem must be with home is dismissive and fairly ignorant but certainly not unheard of. DS2 has asd and will mask all day long, but the signs of overwhelm are there if you look, which some people won’t do particularly if the child is quiet and not being disruptive! The fact your DC has been referred should be enough for the school to be putting some adjustments in place.

A now and next type of thing can help reduce anxiety (“now we will do this, and next we’re doing that”), we have visuals for my son that we printed from the internet to help him with this, and for some everyday things like getting dressed so the pictures show the order to put things on/what that happens. Like the lists a pp used, but my DS despises reading! Have a look at his clothes - are there issues with seams/tags, etc. Try not to have a mad rush in the mornings - DS does better with getting ready if he has time to process and switch between tasks, and likes a very set routine.