Working away from home four nights a week with a seven month old... possible?

[OtterAndDog]

Long story short - I got pregnant at a university 4 hours from my home town. I'm 37 weeks now and have taken time out from uni and moved closer to home so that I can get help from my family to look after the baby (I'm a single mum).

I have only a year left of uni and am so desperate to complete my course. I left in July 2021 so I would need to return in July 2022 - my baby will be about 7 months old.

It's a nursing degree and so is 50% hospital placement and 50% theory.

I am trying to negotiate with my lecturers the chance to remotely study the theory side of things (I.e. they give me the reading to do and I complete it at home rather than having to attend lessons in person). However, obviously the placements will require attendance. The only way I could complete this is to request from the ward a fixed rota of 3 long days (12.5 hour shifts on Friday, Saturday and Sunday) each week. I would drive down on Thursday night and in the hospital accommodation until Sunday night/Monday morning. My mum / his dad would look after him during this time. I have an 8 week long placement in July - then a 9 week one a couple of months later, then a 14 week one a couple of months after that.

This is obviously a long time to be without my baby :(

Plus, I am hoping to breast feed, however plan on having him "cup fed" by my mum and his dad from a young age so he doesn't need to be with me all the time.

Does anyone else have a job where they have to work away from home? Is this going to be traumatising for my baby? I'm so worried about him being upset or scared.

Basically, is it realistic?

Can you transfer to a closer uni?

I was in a similar predicament. Unfortunately I had to drop out in the end :( but my now dh transferred unis to be at the one in our home city instead of 2 hours away.

I now have dc2 who is 6mo. I couldn't imagine leaving her for half a week right now. I think at the moment you think it will work but once your baby is here your opinion I'll change. I'd look into transferring. I don't think there will ever be a time you would want to leave the baby for that long

I'm on an interruption of study due to pregnancy, for me at 7 months having EBF I'm only just thinking about going back to any kind of work/study in the next few months and trying to dare to think about putting her in nursery for half days if I can get a half time job. My uni wouldn't let me do local placements, local uni wouldn't let me transfer, think the most promising route might be to get local NHS Trust to put me through finishing it via OU, but tbh the whole idea of the stress and pressure of nursing on top of broken nights is not appealing. Respect to you though OP, you sound determined to complete your course, in which case breastfeeding may not be the easiest way to go.

I think you are incredible for wanting to finish your nursing degree under such tricky circumstances and wish you every bit of luck, whatever you decide.
I hope you have the support of your university, and please join a union or reach out if you're already a member, as they will be able to support you if you need it.

That’s really tough, could you go back a bit later when baby is older? I started my nursing when baby was 5 months. It was hard going on placements as I left before he got up and he was in bed once I got home, but that’s the same for any nurse with young kids doing long shifts especially if they are 3/12 it’s tough.

Can you transfer closer? Your parents sound amazing to help you, mine moved abroad when my baby was a few weeks old. I think you should investigate every option so you can stay near your baby. Good luck and congratulations on your baby.

Could you not ask the uni if you could do the final year at a uni near your parents. That way you'd be home in the evenings to spend some time with the child (without giving up 1-2 nights for travelling)

Can you transfer to a university near your parents and complete your final year there. I assume you will be looking to apply for a nursing job near your parents once qualified so it would probably be a good move all round.

id definitely explore options to complete closer to your parents home. unless you are going to move back to where you started your studies, life has now changed. moving means you also get a feel for hosptials near your home, and meet people locally. it's going to tough whatever you do, but try and make it as easy as possible on yourself...
and congratulations and good luck.

Some really good advice here, and your baby will have a good strong bond with your parents so would be fine with it (think about fathers who often have to work away for several nights a week and the baby is fine staying home with the mother, for example). It's also only for a fixed amount of time and will enable you to have a good career and be a strong role model for your baby.
If you get the little one taking both breastfeeding and a bottle from early on (like from a few weeks) that would help, then it would be completely the norm by the time the placements come round.
I found this really helpful kellymom.com/bf/pumpingmoms/feeding-tools/bottle-feeding/ but did it with formula, not expressed milk, as the expressing was too difficult

Could you arrange to do the placements at a hospital closer to your parents?

OP you could transfer your credits to a nursing apprenticeship delivered by the open university. If you could find a trust willing to do this which I imagine they would as most are in need clinically. The placements can be arranged in different blocks. Contact the OU see what they say. Good luck you will work out out ☺️

*work it out
(Stupid autocorrect)

I think it's a massive ask of your parents, I can imagine they have just come of years and years of child rearing and now if I understand correctly you and the baby are going to live with them and theyll be looking after the baby a lot while you are on placement?
I also think it is great that you want to finish your degree and the very best of luck with your baby op. And your parents want the best for you so amazing of them to help out too. I think it can definitly work but as a parent of only ten years so far I feel for your parents tbh!!

I went back to work when mine was 5.5 months 4 days a week. Only way it was possible was bottle feeding from 3 months. An EBF baby can’t be away from you for that time and your parents will get completely fed up of cup feeding.

I think you should go for it. it is one year. a year flies by. It will be hard but itl be worth it in the end. if you can though try to move to a closer uni but if not I'm sure you will make it work anyway.

My aunties both had small children while doing their nursing degrees and their placements didn’t get two hoots about whether they had kids, they were expecting to available in the exact same way as every other student

4hrs away is very far. If the baby got sick, a 4hr drive in the middle of the night is a big deal.
If your baby gets a cold or has a temp, you'll have a very tough time leaving them. Look at getting a placement closer to home or moving there for the placement and getting a childminder.