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Original poster

Neglect?

18 replies

Sammywilkes10101 · 25/10/2021 22:21

Hi, I really hope somebody can help me…
(My son is 2 and a half)

My child’s father has just started seeing him by himself, he has been an absent father involved with drugs. He gets drug tested each visit and we have led up to this through supervised visits.

He has had my son today for the third time ever on his own, and for the second time has brought him home half an hour late, my son was freezing cold and underdressed (despite me providing winter coat, hat, gloves, blanket, spair jumpers and clothes) he also brought him home soaked in wee and he had not fed him, my son was distressed and crying asking for food.

What on earth do I do about this? Is this something to contact social services for? Who can I get in touch with to log these incidents? Do I stop contact?

Thanks so much for reading and helping x

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MildCreamyCheddar · 25/10/2021 22:22

I'd speak to someone about it. That's appalling.

Tulips15 · 25/10/2021 22:24

If that was my child, it would be supervised visits only...and thats being kind.

Tbh, There would be no further visits

ThirdElephant · 25/10/2021 22:25

I'd text or email the father, list what you noticed when be dropped his son off and ask for an explanation. Start building that paper trail.

The NSPCC might be able to offer some advice too- there's a page on their website about what to do if you're worried a out a child.

Original poster
Sammywilkes10101 · 25/10/2021 22:29

Thanks guys I really appreciate the replies, I have a long past of DV with my sons dad and when I’ve confronted him about it all hell broke loose, I can’t let my son be in those conditions again but I’m scared of stopping contact again and court starting, when does the hell of coparenting ever stop ☹️

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Monsterpumpkins · 25/10/2021 22:34

He hasn't catered for his dc's basic needs...
No repeat imo.
He should have been making 110 %effort.. Novelty worn off already?

DerbyshireMama · 25/10/2021 22:39

Has he taken you to court or did you facilitate the recent access?

I'd be stopping contact completely now. He should be on his "best behaviour" and putting in the utmost effort this early on if he was really committed to his child. If he's already being a total slack Alice it'll probably continue to get worse.

AssassinatedBeauty · 25/10/2021 22:41

I think you most definitely should let social services know. It absolutely is neglectful to not feed your son, not change him out of wee-d in clothes and for him to be freezing cold. That's basic parenting and if he can't manage that for a few short hours then he must not be allowed to continue with unsupervised contact.

Purplebear37 · 25/10/2021 22:47

Stop the contact. Let him take you to court. Im also a coparent, with an extremely difficult ex, and would not allow my child to go with him again in these circumstances.

Original poster
Sammywilkes10101 · 25/10/2021 22:59

Thank you so much for the support every body, it’s reassuring to hear other people agree with the same thing, when I asked how my son had been today he said ‘overwhelming’ when I asked how he had behaved all he replied with was ‘overwhelming’ and that was all, so so disheartened over all of this x

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Ellie56 · 25/10/2021 23:03

He sounds like a complete dead loss as a dad.

If you stopped contact would he even bother to take you to court?

Original poster
Sammywilkes10101 · 25/10/2021 23:06

We have done mediation 4 times now and I know he has the court papers but nothing has ever been filed, he likes to threaten with court but there’s never an outcome x

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Original poster
Sammywilkes10101 · 25/10/2021 23:07

To add to it he turned up with his new girlfriend today as well ! Two adults couldn’t even cater to a child’s basic needs

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DerbyshireMama · 25/10/2021 23:10

He won't take you to court.

Block him and go no contact so he has no channel through which to make his threats.

He's a loser and your son won't miss out from not having him in his life.

Duchess379 · 25/10/2021 23:23

Your poor son. I just couldn't imagine leaving a little mite like that. Your ex is an a-hole. Stop visitation & put your son's needs first 💕

Fupoffyagrasshole · 25/10/2021 23:35

If he can’t even feed and dress his child I doubt hel manage to take you to court tbh

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 25/10/2021 23:37

I know not everyone has a good experience at court but I did, it's not always rubbish so don't be too scared. Report the state your son was in to your Health visitor and the NSPCC or child services so it's on record. It probably won't be recorded as neglect because it was only a few hours and he has a lively, caring mum to come back to instead of living in those conditions all the time.

If contact is not court ordered stop it, have a solicitor send him a letter detailing the state your son came home in and that contact would resume at a supervised contact centre so that he can build a relationship up with his child, a referell can be made by the lawyer but can take a few months - In my experience the courts were happy with this arrangement as I hadn't 'stopped' contact just had to arrange a more appropriate venue.

If he found looking after him overwhelming he may well not bother again, he might have been showing off to the new girlfriend and it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime · 25/10/2021 23:38

*lovely, caring mum - although you might be lively too

Original poster
Sammywilkes10101 · 25/10/2021 23:51

Thank you so much everybody for your support especially @HPandTheNeverEndingBedtime for you’re extremely kind words, the support makes it all a lot easier xx

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