Relationship with DD after new baby

[NeverTheHootenanny]

Just looking for advice or reassurance that this is normal and will get better.

DS was born two weeks ago, I also have a 2.5 year old DD.

DD seems to have adapted to the new baby pretty well, she seems happy, no massive behaviour changes or jealousy, she’s very affectionate with him and tries to ‘help’ with nappy changes, etc.

Her relationship with me seems to have really shifted though, before he arrived she would always be glued to me and want me to carry her around, sit right next to me, etc, but now just seems a bit distant. If I try to give her a cuddle she’ll often just brush me off, or if she hurts herself or is upset she’ll run straight to DH or MIL rather than me. MIL also makes a fuss whenever this happens and makes a point of asking DD why she didn’t want to go to mummy which is making me really conscious of it.

I’m probably just being hormonal and over sensitive but I just feel really gutted about it all and not sure how to get back to how things were, or if this is just part of her growing up.

I have a three year old boy and a new baby and think we’ve been through every permutation of liking me/disliking his dad, disliking me, disliking both of us, in rapid succession during the last 13 weeks! I know how upsetting it is, but I’m sure this phase will pass for you soon. It’s probably just a bit of misplaced jealously of the new baby

Thanks @JessBe, yes hopefully just a phase. I don’t think it helps that DS is constantly glued to me cluster feeding at the moment, makes it so hard to get any 121 time with DD but that’ll hopefully become a bit easier as the weeks and months pass.

I would try to have as much one to one time with your DD as possible. Just keep reminding her how much you love her.

I should think your MIL is just trying to encourage your DD to go to you/doesn’t want you to think she is taking over. But if it’s making you feel bad, maybe just mention to her not to draw attention to it when your DD wants her.

Thanks @Holly60. Yes, I don’t think MIL would ever try to upset me, I think she probably just feels awkward about it so feels like she has to say something.
DH goes back to work tomorrow so it’ll be a bit tricky to get any 1 on 1 time with her without baby, but thinking maybe if I put him in the sling and take her out to the park or to soft play, etc she will at least feel like it’s about her.

I have a similar issue. But dd ignores new baby and for a week wouldn’t give me a cuddle. Although now she’s being extra clingy with me.

Sounds like you are absolutely doing everything right. Give her time - she will come around. Try to get her as involved as possible with new baby too- then praise as much as you can. Or give her a dolly to look after - just like mummy.

When I was sitting down to BF I would always grab a book to read to the older one .

Keep a special stash for bf times.. Sticker books. Favourite dvd. Few treats. Dd will associate bf with some special time for her also. I have pics of bf ds with a toddler sitting in front of him 'reading 'books!!
You would be amazed how you can actually literally juggle 2 x dc!!

Thanks everyone! Really good idea to have a stash of books/toys ready for when I’m BFing.

To an extent I think it's just how they act at this age, my dc was the same (clingy with one parent, then next week clingy with the other) and we didn't have a new baby at the time.

Exactly the same situation here.
I try to give DD 1:1 attention when the new baby is sleeping but she wakes him up wanting to play!
And if DH is around, she goes straight to him, isn't interested in me at all.
I'm thankful she does want DH as it would be so hard otherwise, but it still makes me sad that I'm suddenly not wanted.

Similar here with almost 4yo and 8 week baby. I think DD is a bit overwhelmed about being a ‘big sister’ and ‘a big girl’ that she’s almost felt like she can’t be little anymore if that makes sense? She’s had lots of wobbles between me and DH and is currently exceptionally clingy with him more than me. We’ve completely reined in all of the ‘big sister’ ‘big girl’ comments and say things like ‘no DD2, DD1 needs to have a cuddle now’ I do obviously pick my moments when I do this so I know that baby DD isn’t going to complain but it makes DD1 feel like I’m giving her my full attention and that she’s not being lumped in with her sister all the time. We also do book and bedtime just by ourselves so we can spend time together just us. It’s bloody hard, you do have my sympathies but friends with kids of a similar age gap do say it gets better!

We are going through the exact same thing. DS is 10 weeks and DD is 2. When her dad is about I don't get a look in, to the point when I did actually try and bathe her tonight she got so upset as she wanted daddy to do it. When she was ill a couple of days ago she wanted dad in the middle of the night not me. Think she's so used to him doing the lion share of bath and bed now because it's prime cluster feeding time for DS. I do always make sure I join them for a book. Hoping it will pass but solidarity. It sucks and makes me really upset. I know I should be happy they have a great bond but doesn't make it any easier! It's a bit better when my husband isn't around. Sometimes I wonder if it's a way she is trying to understand it, like daddy is for her and new baby is for mummy. She is too young to realise there is enough love to go round for everyone.