Gifted toddler - help!

[chlo1989]

LO is just 22 months and has been exhibiting signs of being "advanced", if that's the right word, since she was around 15/16 months when she started to count to 10. She has a vocabulary of 500+ words, speaks in full sentences & knows her ABC's. Recites books, sings full songs. Recognises all numbers written down from 1 - 10, then several between 10 - 20, then 30, 40, 50 etc all up to 100. She even counts in 10's - 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 etc all the way up to 100. This evening, she counted to 25 as she was popping bubbles (counting how many she had popped) and out of pure interest, I continued to count to see if she followed. I counted to 29 and then stopped. She said "THIRTY!". I was so shocked! I then, again out of interest, counted even further - I counted from 31 - 39 and then stopped. She then said "FORTY!". I then did the same again, and sure enough she said "FIFTY!". I then did it again - she did not know 60 (I wasn't expecting her to!). She knows her ABC's in full and knows a fair amount of letters written down, and even recognises her own name written down, too. She knows shapes including diamond and hexagon and knows all the basic colours.

I really do not want to be those pushy parents, please don't get me wrong. I just want to help her to reach her best potential without being pushy and doing it in a fun way with lots of interactions etc and I really haven't got a clue how to go about doing it. I have contacted our Health Visitor, who said that they couldn't help. I'm just at a loss as to what we can do. I have been scouring the internet but I can't see anything. I've been looking for age-appropriate toys etc to help too, but nothing looks challenging enough for her.

I really don't want to brag, please don't take this post the wrong way, I just really want a push in the right direction as to how I can help my little girlie! She LOVES learning and loves the praise she gets when she does something too (even telling herself "well done" when she does something, haha!).

Thank you in advance to anybody who may be able to help :)

Just enjoy! One thing I would caution about, is getting her too hooked on praise. I think it's a trap that a lot of girls I particular fall into and can actually backfire later on when they get scared of making mistakes and not getting that positive feedback. It's something I see a lot as an early years teacher and I think it's a big part of the reason why fewer girls go on to study 'right or wrong' subjects like maths or science. Look into the 'Growth Mindset' if you're interested.

@MilkCereal

Hyperlexia and hypernumeracy can be linked to autism- not at all saying shes is on spectrum but something to watch out for. Hows her emotional regulation and social skills? Understanding? Don't need to do anything at that age, often they even out by reception. Just keep reading and check understanding with questions.

She is very good at recognising emotion etc. She told me the other day that someone was sad. She likes to interact with people and no issue in terms of eye contact etc. She's not over affectionate but also loves a cuddle when she's tired. She seems to have a good understanding of things too. :)

DD is ahead of her peers in terms of vocabulary, reading and simple Maths. Though I’m pretty sure this wasn’t noticeable at 22m for DD.

She’s just started school and I would say that rather than putting her at an advantage, it feels as though the potential for problems is brewing. DD’s school is lovely and fun and the teachers are warm and lively by all accounts but she’s just not engaged enough to want to go 5 days a week. She’s struggling with the noisy, busy rough and tumble of the playground.

Whereas she is bright academically, socially she seems young compared to her peers and the mismatch between her enthusiasm for learning stuff and ability vs her social age is a bit tricky.

I don’t know what the answer is but I think if I could rewind I would make sure DD had done more socialising in big group situations (though she did go to nursery but seemingly this wasn’t sufficient to prepare her for the intensity of school socialising!)

Reminds me of this divine little girl at Monkey Music, she was about 18 months and speaking in full sentences, super super bright and well behaved and able and lovely. Ah! Enjoy and have fun!

The Parenting High Potential group on Facebook is a good source of support, OP

My little girl is academically ahead of the game but struggles socially so I’m focusing on that.

I was going to say a similar thing.
Unfortunately when someone excels in one area they can sometimes struggle in another so I wouldn’t just focus on her academic abilities but also her social side too.
I know a couple kids who have hyperlexia and will just pick things up but the social side takes a bit more effort.

When the time comes I would think about schools that can help her to reach her full potential. But right now I’d be looking into playgroups and nurseries to focus on the social side too.

@INeedNewShoes

DD is ahead of her peers in terms of vocabulary, reading and simple Maths. Though I’m pretty sure this wasn’t noticeable at 22m for DD.

She’s just started school and I would say that rather than putting her at an advantage, it feels as though the potential for problems is brewing. DD’s school is lovely and fun and the teachers are warm and lively by all accounts but she’s just not engaged enough to want to go 5 days a week. She’s struggling with the noisy, busy rough and tumble of the playground.

Whereas she is bright academically, socially she seems young compared to her peers and the mismatch between her enthusiasm for learning stuff and ability vs her social age is a bit tricky.

I don’t know what the answer is but I think if I could rewind I would make sure DD had done more socialising in big group situations (though she did go to nursery but seemingly this wasn’t sufficient to prepare her for the intensity of school socialising!)

Yes, this is what we're concerned about definitely. My stepdaughter is now 13 but she's always been ahead of her peers and has always found school a challenge but because she always found it boring learning stuff she already knew. She found it more interesting the older she got though, but she's now at that age where it's rubbish. hah. Thank you for your response x

I think you'd do better focussing on her weaknesses in order to make her a well rounded human.

You don't need to do anything but allow your child to lead you and explore their interests. I have three the first of whom was like yours. At 10 months, before he could walk, he was stood at a footstool at a friend's watching snooker going 'blue gone, brown gone' as the balls were going down the holes and he had the colours correct. He was my first, I was oblivious that he was unusual but the friend just happened to be a paediatric physio and sat there open mouthed. Whilst still 1yr he would go around the supermarket sat in the trolley reading the signs over the aisles like tea, sugar ect, he learnt his letters from blockbusters himself, which he loved, and I used to draw pictures and write the words underneath then progress to just writing the words like car, ball ect. He made me do this, it bored me silly😁 same with sums, he asked for them! He was reading Enid Blyton and doing hundreds, tens & units sums by pre school at 3. He was unfortunately disappointed and bored stiff there as he expected 'proper school' with desks and lessons like his friend who was two years older than him and at private school (said physios daughter) which I couldn't afford, and the school wouldn't advance him as they said 'he couldn't put his own coat on' (he wasn't interested in tasks like that🤷) in hindsight I probably should have pulled him from that school (which I did with my third when he showed similar boredom who passed a scholarship for private school at 6 a year advanced) but you don't really know what you are doing with your first do you! He did go on to make good friends and gained free scholarship to private secondary school. He found things too easy though even there, getting straight As in both GCSEs and A levels with very little effort, no revision to speak of. He seemed to have a brain like a sponge, told him something once he remembered it. They are all different, almost like they are pre programmed to do things at certain times, he couldn't ride a bike til he was 7, he was a little dyspraxic. His middle brother just got on one at 4 and rode off but didn't read fluently till he was 8-9. Just relax and go with the flow, your toddler will show you what she wants/needs😍 sorry that's long!!

Teach her the things she won't learn in school or she's going to get very bored doing the normal curriculum.
I have a nephew who excelled at maths and was a good few years ahead of his peers. Unfortunately his other subjects were not up to scratch. It's definitely important to make sure they excel across the board and concentrate on the things they find less easy.

"One thing I would caution about, is getting her too hooked on praise"

Yes this. So much this. It's one of the reasons I make sure DS does a range of sports outside of school, I don't think it is at all great for resilience to be the child who effortlessly comes top of the class.

OP, my DC1 was one of these and has continued on this trajectory (now at Oxford).

When he was little, which is obviously a while ago now, I just remember reading to him and talking to him endlessly. We didn't have technology because it didn't exist, and didn't have a TV (not on principle - just never occurred to me, and I still don't have one now). So my interaction with all my DC was playing, talking, and reading. I didn't go overboard on praise, because I couldn't see any benefit in praising a child for being born clever. Far better to praise them for being kind/thoughtful/considerate etc.

DC1 had "special interests", which I went along with, because there was no reason not to. We were fortunate with school, as I kept him at home until Year 1, when I said he was miles ahead academically but I would like them to concentrate only on his social skills. They duly did this, and I will be forever grateful to them for treating him and responding to him as an individual (and, in fact, for treating him - and all the other children in his class - as if they were the most important and special children ever born).

@KeyboardWorriers

"One thing I would caution about, is getting her too hooked on praise"

Yes this. So much this. It's one of the reasons I make sure DS does a range of sports outside of school, I don't think it is at all great for resilience to be the child who effortlessly comes top of the class.

Absolutely this, which is why I recommended some kind of hobby that is hard and you really have to try at (music lessons were what worked for us).

It is very important, not only for resilience but also in order to learn how to work hard. It's a skill and if things are too easy it is absolutely possible not to learn it.

We did lots of reading both Dh and I great readers lots of books in the house lots of discussions with them over meals etc. As teens they are both top of their years in English but average to quite good in maths and science! I wonder if it’s genetic or if we had “done more” in those areas like we did for English they would be good at that too? Or are they good with words because we are? Find the nature / nurture debate fascinating.

One tip - we had private small group language class from pre school all through primary. Language is crap at primary if you are at state and it’s really put ours ahead they hit the ground running at secondary. Dd2 chosen a level spanish. Find some like minded parents it’s quite fun for them.

My children were the same. My eldest knew his alphabet by 15 months and could recognise letters and read them. My youngest could count to 100 at a similar age to your daughter and recognise and "read" all of the written names of their pre school class mates. They levelled out at school. Both still quite intelligent but I feel their early language skills and memory skills are different to general intelligence.

Both kids have a great sense of humour, loads of empathy, good at communicating, make eye contact etc. Both diagnosed with ASD at 13. Even at 11 the school SENCO refused to believe either had autism, it wasn't until secondary school it was picked up.

I echo what others have said - don't be concerned that this means she's going to excel/be bored at school, just enjoy your daughter and have fun learning together.

Learn lots of new things with her. Maybe some new languages such as mandarin, which is very different from English. Maybe visit a few good private schools which have full support for gifted children.

Sounds really similar to my DD who’s 23 months, same timeline on numbers and letters & shapes counting items etc

Tbh we have been working on her motor skills because her nursery teacher said she could do with a bit more of that (we babied her a lot at the park, picking her up putting her on things etc - PFB and all that). I think you really don’t know how they will turn out in the long run so we read a lot and try to make sure she’s getting decent opportunities to climb etc. We are working on growing independence so she’s potty trained, her nursery are great with working on fine motor skills and doing cooking lessons etc.

I think my DD she has an excellent memory which contributes to the impression she’s ahead but I’m not sure that she is as good at working stuff out IYSWIM, she’s too little to tell.

Read Mindset by Carol Dweck and always praise effort/seeking out challenges/persistence rather than achievement/ability.

She's not even 2, the whole world is a school at that age! Take her out and about, talk to her a lot, read lots of books together.

My dd is like yours OP. She’s 23 months. She’s my 4th child so her ability really stands out as different to what I’ve seen before.

We have a lot of autism in our family (including me) so it could be another presentation of that. Not that it bothers me at all. I wouldn’t say my daughter has the emotional maturity to match yet - in that way she’s age appropriate . She will make a complex request to me using 7 words, including ‘please’. And if I say not right now, her response is ‘AAARRRGGGHHHHH!’

She’s incredibly tall as well - she’s in age 4 clothing.

My son as well can count to 100 in 3 languages by 20 month and talk very well express his feelings and loves singing knows all the words and songs to Adele and Bee Gees all the good oldies oh he knows the alphabet by 16 month too now he can read a lil he is now 25 month and eager to learn

You don't need to do anything , let her enjoy being a toddler and just learn through play .

What will be will be , my dd was very bright and has aced all her exams with zero effort , is now 19 and at uni ..

I never did anything but let her do things at her own speed .

I would post this in the gifted and talented section OP.

I agree about praise- use in moderation - being clever is not praiseworthy, and overpraising clever children gives them the idea that their only worth is in their academic success. Praise for effort when she gets things wrong, praise for kindness, (within reason - again, you don't want to raise a girl who considers her only worth is people -pleasing!)

She is young, she is advanced, but that does not necessarily mean she is very academically able, because she has clearly been taught. You are comparing her to children who have never heard of a hexagon, or the number 50, or been told the names of letters of the alphabet - but who may have been streets ahead of your daughter if they had.

For example, I have come across many parents who think their child is highly gifted because they can read at two, without realising that for any deaf child, reading BSL at two is simply what is expected, if that is what they have been taught, and not considered advanced in any way at all.

Children in different circumstances will learn different things, a child shown flashcards will learn the content of flashcards - but what it the point?

I agree with concentrating on social aspects, such as music and dance, etc. Music is great for all children, but don't make it into an academic or competitive exercise.

She sounds lovely, and she clearly life's single greatest advantage - a caring and committed parent - lucky girl! Just based on that alone, she is more likely to succeed in life.

Just remember life success and academic success are not necessarily related

Hey :)

Appreciate this is an old post but just wondering how you are getting on.

I'm going through this with my little boy - I thought it was all amazing until a friend commented that it's not normal.
Now I'm waiting on the HV

Would be great to get your views :)