So anxious about sending 1 year old to nursery

[Shefliesonherownwings]

DS will be starting nursery next month, he’ll be doing a couple of full days and a couple of half days whilst I go back to work part time. I’m starting to get so anxious about him going though.

I’m sure everyone has these ‘normal’ worries, will he be ok without me, what if he thinks we’ve abandoned him, what if he doesn’t nap/eat, what if the other kids are mean, what if, what if, what if! I watch him playing at home and feel so sad about not getting to see as much of that anymore. Plus I worry he will be too overwhelmed by it all and just cry the whole time.

We can’t afford for me to stay at home and I like my job, I want to go back, I just want DS here too lol. I’m trying to focus on all the amazing things he’ll do there. It’s a fantastic nursery, friends of mine have their babies there so I know it’s brilliant and they will look after him and I know he’ll get so much more out of it than I could ever do with him. I just feel said our time together is ending and he’ll be doing so much that I won’t see.

I do suffer with anxiety and I know I’m guilty of being a bit overprotective with him but I’m genuinely worried I won’t be able to leave him and I won’t cope or he won’t cope. Argh!!

Any tips for managing the anxiety??

I promise, after a fortnight of him attending all these worries will be gone❤️.

They are professionals and will know how to make him feel comfortable, ask for updates often and lots of pictures.

No idea how to manage your anxiety but as an ex nursery nurse who worked in a baby room I can at least try to reassure you.
I loved every child that passed through our doors. I loved my job and I genuinely enjoyed spending time with the children, helping them to develop their skills and to learn new things. I got excited when parents would tell us about new things they'd done at home, and the staff would try our best to have our name be the first one of us each child said

The babies and their parents honestly were amazing. Building those relationships and being able to share the child's day with the parents was fab.
I even have cards still from parents thanking me for my work.
I wish I was still there but I'm disabled and I just can't anymore. I miss being around the babies, seeing their smiles, knowing I've helped them on their way to becoming independent little people.
Everyone I know who works in nurseries feels the same. They're a fantastic group of women and young men that I've met through my work, and they are all kind, considerate, helpful and want the best for every child they care for.

OP, solidarity here. My 1 year old is doing his settling in sessions at the moment, we've already done the first one, and to tomorrow is the second 2 hour one. Nursery is absolutely fab with great staff, I am positive they will take amazing care of him. I can't wait for the settling in stuff to be over.

During the first session, he howled the moment I was out of sight, my heart was breaking (I was talking to the baby room nurse, just doing the usual first session handover paperwork). When he saw me there he was ok, but the moment he couldn't see me he would cry. Tomorrow is the second session, I drop him off and pick him up after 2 hours. I'm dreading it already, but keeping a brave face for my baby (' you'll have tons of fun, lots of toys, lots of friends!' etc)He is my little velcro baby who has been attached to me pretty much 24/7 since he was born.

He is starting full time on 1st of November and I will be back to work FT week after that.

No advice re anxiety, but you are not alone.

Thank you all. @HerRoyalWitchyness thank you for your insight. It does help to know staff like you love their job and the children. The nursery he’s going to is probably the best in our area and from what friends have said they will look after him brilliantly.

I’m having a real wobble today because he’s been very whingy and unsettled all day (I suspect teething issues) and I worry that on days like these he just needs me or DH and will be inconsolable if we’re not that and he’s in a busy noisy nursery instead.

@Mc3209 solidarity fist bump right back to you. It’s so hard isn’t it, the mum guilt is incredibly strong. Fingers crossed your DS has a good session tomorrow, and you are ok too. Hugs.

I can't tell you the number of times I've dropped DS at nursery and said he's being very clingy / grumpy / unsettled and to call me if he's not happy and the number of times I've then picked him up at the end of the day and he's had a brilliant day. I think everyone is anxious before their child starts nursery - why wouldn't you be? - but our experience has been so positive. I love seeing DS develop his little group of pals and getting to explore different activities which he wouldn't get at home with me all day.

I have a 19 month old and a 6 year old. They have both been in nursery FT from 7 months. The nursery we’ve used is my workplace nursery - closed from the public and a small nursery solely meant for my workplace.

The best reassurance I can provide you is that when covid arrived and suddenly it closed in March 2020, my then 4 year old was devastated. But more devastated were we as parents and tears were shed by us and his key worker who he never really got to see again - just like that - as lockdowns rolled into interruptions and to the start of reception.

My 19 month old has been there, in her brothers footsteps from 7 months. They have bent backwards - in supporting her bilingualism - staff have actually tried to learn my Asian language to speak it to her. They have recorded my voice for her. They have changed their weaning menu to reflect spices from my heritage.

And if she’d struggled - they haven’t hidden it. Ever. If she’s been too upset or been knocked by another child we have been called immediately. If we have needed their support on a daily basis with eczema ointment twice a day they have done it for months on end to get her skin totally healed.

Now - at 19 months - when she sees her key person through the door she screams and squeals in glee and runs straight in.

My two confident, gorgeous, beautiful children are our kids of course but we owe a big debt of gratitude to the key person my son had and now - the key person DD has. These two individuals have shaped and are shaping - alongside me and spouse - their early years.

Don’t settle for anything less than this - and you’ll be fine.

@Shefliesonherownwings just an update on how it went for us today, I hope this will help to reassure you. It went so much better than I thought! My DS is even managed to eat and have a nap in 2 hours that he was there. And that's my velcro baby who only slept with a boob in his mouth 😬 Yes, there were some tears, and his key worker was open about that, but he wasn't inconsolable.

I have to admit I had a little cry in the car when I dropped him off.

It will be fine, we just have to brave through it.

@Mc3209 thank you so much for the update. I’m really glad your DS did well, for you and selfishly for me because it makes me feel a little better about my DS, especially the nap!

Even though he’s 1 I feel as if I’m still obsessed with his sleep and I’m really worried about him having bad naps or no naps at nursery because I know what he’s like when he’s overtired and it’s not pleasant. Particularly if there’s other issues going on like teeth or a cold. God it’s all such hard work 😩😩

This was me a few months ago. I was so stressed and anxious about him starting, especially about his naps/sleep! The first couple of weeks were tough, but the staff were great. He’s now so settled and happy, loves going in, and has built up lovely bonds with staff.
How you’re feeling is totally understandable, fear of the unknown etc.but it will be okay!

@Shefliesonherownwings you may not see this reply years later, but can you tell me how your child got on? I found this thread being in the same position in a couple of months as you

@Gigi89x i got a notification so have come back to reply.

So DS was absolutely fine! He is 3 now and loves nursery. He’s about to move up to their preschool bit. It was really strange reading back over my fears and worries as I remember it all so well but he was absolutely fine. He settled very well and apart from a couple of times when he had short naps, he slept well and ate well too. Loved all the activities and had loads of fun every day. Didn’t miss me at all lol. The staff were awesome and his first key worker still comes to see him now.

The worst bit was all the bugs he caught, he was ill for about 6 months on and off when he started so prepare for that! It will all be fine I promise.

@Shefliesonherownwings thank you so much for coming back to me!!

Did the illnesses calm down after the first 6 months ? Not looking forward to this !!

@Gigi89x for most kids the illnesses stop being so frequent after a few months. Also depends what time of year a child starts going to nursery.
Definitely try to factor this into your plans for the first months 😆

@Gigi89x oh yes he was fine after the first few months. Probably gets a cold once or twice a year now.

it’s inevitable when they start nursery and are exposed to so many different people coupled with the time of year, means they will get ill. Stock up on calpol and nurofen. DS got a couple of chest infections and needed antibiotics, he also got tonsillitis (which I then got too, twice!) and an ear infection. Then in the spring chicken pox does the rounds lol. It sounds bad but you’ll get through it.