Co-parententing, Dad lets 10 year old play 18 rated games

[NeedSleepNow]

Just after advise on what you would do. My husband and I separated earlier this year and at the moment it is quite amicable, although I doubt it will be that way for long as I think he is about to get solicitors involved. The kids live with me in the family home, he sees them here a few times a week and sometimes the oldest goes to see him where he is staying with a friend.

10 year old came back the other day reeling off a list of the 18 rated computer games that his dad has been letting him play. I feel very strongly that they are unsuitable for him but feel scared to say anything incase he starts being difficult with demands on the kids time /money etc and also because I have always felt very scilenced in our relationship.

Would you say anything, or just leave it for now. My worry is that son will want to spend more and more time there because dad let's him watch /play anything he wants. Apparently dad said to him why shouldn't he let him play 18 rated games when I had let the younger children watch a nature documentary that said suggested age 12 (I watched it with them and it was fine, we only watched a bit and stopped it before a bit about mating came on which is why I assume it had a suggested rating of 12! ).

I know I can't control what happens on his time with them but I'm finding it all very hard when it is something I feel strongly about.

I'm afraid you need to address this with xH. Clearly, he trying to buy affectation by being the 'fun one'. But, he is his Dad, not a friend, there has to be a line that he won't cross, that you can both agree on. I would say 12, but you won't be there.
Seriously, he's emotionally damaging his own son with over18 games at 10. Is he that mature a child? he hasn't even hit his teens yet! Or does DS have older brothers egging him on?
Even so, maybe you should say what games you don't mind DS playing and those which are a definite no no.
Have fun

You really need to address this OP, and not feel you should keep quiet. Find out which games he is allowing. Some are extremely realistic and depict rape, for example. He could be exposed to very realistic violence and certainly highly inappropriate language and themes.

Have school ever sent anything about age appropriate viewing? I recently got something from school in relation to Squid Game. That might back you up, or he might respect it?

How sensible is your son? Would he decline playing the games at his dads if you explained to him why they're not appropriate?

@squirrelslikenuts

I'm afraid you need to address this with xH. Clearly, he trying to buy affectation by being the 'fun one'. But, he is his Dad, not a friend, there has to be a line that he won't cross, that you can both agree on. I would say 12, but you won't be there. Seriously, he's emotionally damaging his own son with over18 games at 10. Is he that mature a child? he hasn't even hit his teens yet! Or does DS have older brothers egging him on? Even so, maybe you should say what games you don't mind DS playing and those which are a definite no no. Have fun

No he isn't emotionally mature at all, quite the opposite.

He hadn't ever heard of the games before so his dad is the one suggesting them, putting them on and letting him play them.

@BlusteryLake

You really need to address this OP, and not feel you should keep quiet. Find out which games he is allowing. Some are extremely realistic and depict rape, for example. He could be exposed to very realistic violence and certainly highly inappropriate language and themes.

I know, a lot of them are completely inappropriate. I think he is doing it as he knows it will upset me so it is a way to get back at me.

@girlmom21

How sensible is your son? Would he decline playing the games at his dads if you explained to him why they're not appropriate?

No he wouldn't decline. He keeps saying that he doesn't want to upset dad with anything and just wants to make him happy.

@Catawaul

Have school ever sent anything about age appropriate viewing? I recently got something from school in relation to Squid Game. That might back you up, or he might respect it?

He wouldn't pay any attention to that either. He has always been on the view that he is an amazing parent and he doesn't need anyone telling him what to do

No this is not acceptable imo. FWIW I’m a dad with a 10 yo ds too. I’ll let him watch a 12 movie as long as I’m with him, wouldn’t let him see a 15.

Some games are pretty full on with what they depict. Grand theft auto series (brilliant as they are) spring to mind. I think you should let him know this is not on. Quite what you can do if he refuses I don’t know.

@Lonelycrab

No this is not acceptable imo. FWIW I’m a dad with a 10 yo ds too. I’ll let him watch a 12 movie as long as I’m with him, wouldn’t let him see a 15.

Some games are pretty full on with what they depict. Grand theft auto series (brilliant as they are) spring to mind. I think you should let him know this is not on. Quite what you can do if he refuses I don’t know.

Unfortunately he is the sort of person that if you ask him not to do something, he will do it more than before because he hates anyone telling him what he should or shouldn't do. I will talk to him about it next time son goes there, but I have a feeling it won't change anything and may make things worse.

Oh my, I am always so saddened to hear about parents using their own children as pawns to upset their ex, with no care for the impact on the children. If he really is doing this as you suspect, my heart goes out to you and your children.

"Unfortunately he is the sort of person that if you ask him not to do something, he will do it more than before because he hates anyone telling him what he should or shouldn't do. I will talk to him about it next time son goes there, but I have a feeling it won't change anything and may make things worse.*

I think with this kind of special creature, you have to be creative. Is there someone whose opinion he values, friends, relatives etc? Could you arrange it so they have a conversation about it, or someone there to back you up? I totally agree it's unsafe, ridiculous and unnecessary for a 10 yr old to be playing 18 games. What an arsehole for doing this and putting you in this position.

Difficult situation.
How about your boy taking appropriate games that he likes with him?
You are also going to have talk to your son, about learning to 'say no' in a nice way, to friends &family. If something freaks him out, he needs to tell his dad and you.

I don't play computer games, DH does, there are other games your boy could get in to. Every so often I nitpick about the unnecessary shooting of random people and what real women don't wear outside a swimming pool. Also, DH plays something to do with clans & Lego etc

Some 18 games are revolting, I’m seriously worried about even adults who want to play them.
Your little boy can’t unsee this stuff. Your ex is sick, frankly.
I wouldn’t be waiting for him to get lawyers involved if I were you, I’d be doing that right now.