Not a fan of DD's (6) best friend

[ThedaBara]

My lovely, kind, slightly immature for her age DD has had a best friend since reception. I'm friends with the mum so they see eachother outside of school too. Our parenting styles are very very different, the girl never gets told off for cheeky behaviour and gets away with murder IMO. There have been so many times when she's been pretty horrible to my DD, but she just goes back for more! It's that bad and noticeable to the teachers too and me and the school have both talked with her about what a good friendship is and what to do when someone isn't being nice to you, but it doesn't seem to sink in. Latest incident is we took the girls for a day out, they had a good time but in the car on the way home the girl pinched DD causing her to cry hysterically all the way and say the day's been ruined. The other girl found this hilarious, and even with her dad telling her to an apology was not forthcoming. I don't need the stress, and don't think I'll be arranging playdates or days out again, but I know I'll get asked to.
Does anyone have any experience of phasing out a friendship? She has other friends so might just make plans with them in the future. I don't suppose there's any chance of keeping the friendship between the mum and me?

I should say, up to now all the horrible behaviour has been verbal (to my knowledge), saying things to make DD cry on a pretty regular basis. This is the first time that it's been physical and I think it's completely unacceptable.

Don’t meet up outside school. If they are at school together explain the situation to the teacher and ask that they are seated apart.

Yes it’s time to start arranging play dates with her other friends, and never that girl. It’s hurting your DD and it’s important you don’t let that continue.

As for the mum, ask her for a coffee and if it comes up say you’d still like to be friends if possible.

But put your DD first over the need for a friendship with the mum (as I’m sure you are).

At this age friendships are primarily facilitated by you.
Stop seeing them out of school and that will help a bit.
You could ask school to try and separate them a bit and encourage some other friends. Start inviting other kids for play dates.

I’ve got a lovely friend who’s child regularly used to try and swing one of mine round by the hood till they fell over. Since then with friends who parent completely differently from us, I decline all family meet ups & arrange 1-2-1 meet ups. Never explained this to anyone but just did it. Worked fine as a strategy for me. I certainly would not facilitate any out of school meet ups between the kids in the situation you describe.

Stop play dates outside school. Encourage other friendships and tell the teacher. When ask for further play dates simply say that doesn’t work for you. Your friendship may not survive. But you have have put your daughter first.

Definitely stop seeing the child outside of school.
My Dd had a friend who sounds the same. I stopped the play dates by always being ‘busy’ when asked and started seeing the mum in the evening. I asked the teacher to help with encouraging Dd to play with other children.
It was a shame because they kind of grew up together but when they got to 6 and the other child was still hitting with absolutely no intervention by her mum I called it a day.

Thanks everyone! Part of me did think this might just be normal for kids this age, but I'm sure now that it's now. I haven't acted til now as my DD begs for days out with this girl, but will just tell her now that she isn't free or something.

Don't arrange any more play dates with this child and do invite other friends. I would make an extra effort to do something fun with the new friends to help it along.
There was a nasty bolshy little girl who was so aggressive to my daughter in reception. On one occasion she pulled my arm and asked when she could come and play I told her: I don't let Mia play with girls who hurt her and make her sad.
The mother heard too. She looked a bit shocked.
Your daughter is still young enough for you to arrange her social life. You can stay friends with the mum (although not sure I would want to) but be clear that the girls need a bit of break and, if questioned explain that your daughter gets upset by the aggressive things her daughter says and does.