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Original poster

Frustrated with partner

5 replies

sunshinecitrus1 · 23/10/2021 15:54

I just want to vent really…

Being a FTM, I feel as though I have adjusted to motherhood pretty well. My day to day revolves around my little boy who is now 10 weeks old - And rightly so I hear you say! However I don’t feel like it is the same for my OH. I understand that he goes out to work during the week whereas I am at home 24/7 with our baby. Most often us Mum’s take on the majority of the new baby tasks and I love that, I enjoy it and wouldn’t change being a Mum for the world.

My OH’s time at home is in the evenings and weekends but sometimes I feel as though I’m still doing everything while my partner has time to chill after a busy day at work. My partner doesn’t do any of the night feeds during the week because he starts work very early which I am fine with but all I ask is that he does the weekend ones and he usually does. But last night he stayed up watching TV until 1:30am, baby woke around 4am and when the time came to get up he was too tired so I ended up doing it which of course infuriated me!!!

What I guess I’m trying to say is I don’t really feel like I get much of a break even when my partner is at home and it really ticks me off. He comes home and seems to find time for himself and then there’s me running around like a headless chicken trying to juggle jobs that have piled up throughout the week and trying to find a way to get them done before baby wakes up again!

I have spoken to him about it and it does tend to make a difference all for a few days until we fall back into the same lousy pattern! I love him but he gets on my nerves! Please tell me there are other mummy’s out there that can relate!

OP posts:
Fallagain · 23/10/2021 16:13

You should have told him tough shit he can’t opt out of parenting. You need to sit down with him and work out an evening time table so you both get equal time off. If you bath time in an evening he needs to be responsible for at least 50% of bath times.

MGee123 · 23/10/2021 21:32

Be clear with him about your needs/expectations and jointly come up with a plan. Make sure you also listen to his needs/expectations as well. Write lists of his/her jobs if needs be and perhaps the outline of a daily routine.

I am not excusing it but a lot of men tend to be less pro-active and more unaware of what needs to be done, unless it's made explicit. You will also be more confident and aware of what needs to be done regarding your baby as you are spending more time with him. Once you've had the conversation and agreed things, and have them written down, reminding him should be easier and there won't be any more of the 'I didn't realise' excuse.

AnyaC84 · 25/10/2021 04:33

I agree with advice! He needs to know what the expectations are.

But also, I found myself when I stayed at home with my daughter when she was first born, it was hard. I wouldn't change it, but being in the same environment day in and day out was tough. Before having a kid there was a clear separation of weekdays from weekends. Now there wasn't. Every day was like the other before. I felt envious that my husband got to leave the house to work and got to come home to his other life, while mine stopped having a distinction. It took explaining that to him for him to finally get it and start putting more effort into making it easier on me.

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YRGAM · 25/10/2021 06:57

Lay it on the line with him right now that this is real, this has happened, and he can't leave it all to you. Frame it in terms of having to have equal leisure time. Men are often still in denial in pregnancy and the newborn stages - I know I certainly was - as they don't have the physical and hormonal changes that women do, but it always clicks eventually. You just have to bring that eventually forward by making it very clear that the current arrangement can't continue. Best of luck

YRGAM · 25/10/2021 06:58

@MGee123

Be clear with him about your needs/expectations and jointly come up with a plan. Make sure you also listen to his needs/expectations as well. Write lists of his/her jobs if needs be and perhaps the outline of a daily routine.

I am not excusing it but a lot of men tend to be less pro-active and more unaware of what needs to be done, unless it's made explicit. You will also be more confident and aware of what needs to be done regarding your baby as you are spending more time with him. Once you've had the conversation and agreed things, and have them written down, reminding him should be easier and there won't be any more of the 'I didn't realise' excuse.

This is excellent advice
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