DS(6) is generally ok behaved although he has his moments like most children his age.
However, when he is with his good friend, a girl aged 6, his behaviour massively deteriorates. They have known each other since they were 2, get on very well and never argue etc. They see each other regularly and also were at nursery together from age 3. Different schools though.
In the past couple of years when with this girl and her mum (my friend too) DS’ behaviour towards me often deteriorates so that he becomes rude, belligerent, does not listen to instructions to stop/come here/get your shoes on etc. He will start name-calling, and sometimes hitting/kicking. He simply becomes deaf to any kind of instructions / discipline and will occasionally throw a screaming fit when forced.
The girl is almost always perfectly behaved when out in public, is hyperactive but does not misbehave- she simply cannot keep still. She is badly behaved at home however we always meet up to go out so my DS doesn’t see this side to her behaviour (friend and her DH are vocal about how bad she is at home. I suspect something is not right but I don’t want to comment).
However, as she is so hyper I suspect my DS is feeding into this behaviour but as it’s not usual for him to behave in a hyper manner I wonder if he is then losing control of himself? There was a boy at nursery who was hyperactive who DS was friends with and every time they were in the same session my DS would often start being hyper, so the nursery would separate them and DS would be instantly calm again. This is exactly what is happening when we leave my friend and her DD - it’s like a light switch how DS goes from being obnoxious and badly behaved towards me, to instantly calm, loving and doing as he’s told. It’s unbelievably noticeable so DH and I are wondering if this girl is somehow triggering his bad behaviour?
I just don’t know what to do anymore, I feel so angry and embarrassed at his behaviour and nothing works - telling off, time out (inflames the situation), ignoring etc. We see them every week at a minimum because they have the same hobby lesson and we always stay for them to have a play and dinner afterwards. There have been times I just want to pack up and leave as he’s been so bad but I worry about spoiling the outing for friend and her daughter but maybe I could speak to my friend about this and set up an outing where she knows it will probably be cut short and hope he will learn his lesson?
Occasionally his behind fine when with his friend but I would say 3/4 times it’s not.