Clinginess is completely out of control (21mth)

[YRGAM]

Hi Mumsnet,

I've actually posted about this before, but the situation is getting worse and worse and I'm really at my wits' end.

Since I returned from an extended parental leave in January this year, DS (21 months) has been very clingy on me - wanting me to feed him, read to him, put him to bed, be with him, basically everything. It has fluctuated as DS has had life changes (moving groups in nursery, for example) but it's been pretty constant. It's now worse than ever, at the point where I cannot be in the house if DW is to bathe him or put him to bed. I've just finished putting him to bed after having to take over from DW for the third or fourth time in a row.

Everything I've read points to children growing out of it, but I've just had enough. Enough of DW having to put a brave face on when I know how much it hurts her, enough of feeling guilty, enough of the bedtime tears if I'm anywhere nearby, enough of worrying if it's going to be permanent.

Other than waiting it out, does anyone have any advice? Has anyone known clinginess such as this go on for so long? TIA

Bump? Another horror show tonight where I had to step in. Upset dw and ds

Hi, this sounds difficult. My second was very clingy! She still prefers me to anyone else, but she has grown out of it. I know you are looking for a solution that works quickly, but I’m afraid I don’t have one. I do remember it being v difficult- I couldn’t clean up after any meals because she would just want to be on me after coming out of her high chair. She wouldn’t sit alone, ever.
Someone else might have some tips.

@Michellexxx

Hi, this sounds difficult. My second was very clingy! She still prefers me to anyone else, but she has grown out of it. I know you are looking for a solution that works quickly, but I’m afraid I don’t have one. I do remember it being v difficult- I couldn’t clean up after any meals because she would just want to be on me after coming out of her high chair. She wouldn’t sit alone, ever. Someone else might have some tips.

Thank you for your reply - glad to hear yours has grown out of it a bit! I am resigned to waiting it out but it really is tough on all three of us. The latest strategy of trying to let him cry it out is definitely not working! I have the not being able to clear up or cook either.

I think we're on 6 months and counting....it's exhausting. We have a baby too so that's fun. 😱 Bizarrely he's fine when he goes for a sleepover at his GPs though. It's turned in to a running joke with me and DH.

I do think you have to just keep trying to share the load, make your self scare sometimes (I go to a 7pm exercise class once a week and he's no trouble for my DH then) and just keep supporting DW.

It's normal and doesn't last forever.

I loved this stage me. Meant I could pee in peace, have a chill and just be. Then they switched preferences and it ended.

No help I know but it's not forever and there's nothing wrong with it. Just the other parent must try not to take it personally. Secure attachment thassall.

@Wagglerock

I think we're on 6 months and counting....it's exhausting. We have a baby too so that's fun. 😱 Bizarrely he's fine when he goes for a sleepover at his GPs though. It's turned in to a running joke with me and DH.

I do think you have to just keep trying to share the load, make your self scare sometimes (I go to a 7pm exercise class once a week and he's no trouble for my DH then) and just keep supporting DW.

That's the route I've been going down, so on alternate days I either play football or go for a pint (that took some arm twisting I'll tell you) and ds is usually OK then. I'd rather not have to vacate the house but it looks like the only solution really is to stick it out

Feel like I've been missing a trick not going for a pint...been known to sit in the car on the drive before now.