To have a baby or not to have a baby

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DH & I are mid 30's unsure if we should have another baby.

I want it more than he does.

He has a DD who is 14 and i have a DD who is 9 they're from previous partners.

Combined salary of about 90k

Minimal savings, not really enough to happily be off work and live the luxury life, but not on the poverty line either. Also our household bills are about 1k inc mortgage.

He feels we cant afford it.... but when will life ever be perfect.

What should we do MN?

I’d be having a look at your finances to understand why he feels you can’t afford it. On that combined salary with those bills, you should be more than comfortable.

They are quite big age gaps to be “starting again”, is that what he’s worried about? Perhaps he feels he is starting a different phase of life with older kids.

Ultimately for me the person who really doesn’t want a baby should trump the person who does, if you are to stay in that relationship.

We earn a bit less than that and have bigger outgoings and managed mat leave and £800 a month childcare. You could save a bit ahead of time to cover maternity leave then you'll have a big childcare bill for a couple more years then you'll get 30 hours childcare. People manage on much smaller salaries too.

I would not be having a baby with someone who isn't 100% on board. That's madness. Both of you need to fully want another child. Having a baby your husband doesn't really want is a great way to destroy your relationship.

Sounds like he just doesn't want to change things.
You could easily make having more work on that income. I think you need to probe to find out what other things put him off having another so you can understand better.

If you were both desperate for a baby you could surely make it work on that combined salary? If the finances are distraction and he fundamentally doesn’t want a baby then the answer should be no.

Blimey, we earn about £55,000 a year combined & we coped just fine with maternity leave! How is your mortgage so small?! Ours is £950 a month! And then bills 🙈 & £500 childcare! We did have some savings but not loads.

£90,000 and £1k outgoings is loads of money! Get saving from now & you’ll have a decent chunk saved for mat leave 🤷🏼‍♀️

Is he for real?

Our combined income is about half of yours. Our outgoings are about the same. And we manage.

How much does he spend on maintenance?

Frankly, I'd find it hard going back to the new born days with my kids who are 6 and 8. So I can understand why he wouldn't want to with a teenager. But he needs to be honest. Money isn't the issue unless he's flittering it all away in the bookies.

Oh don’t be silly op. A disposable income of 78k a year is nowhere near enough to raise a baby on. Dickhead 🙄

Of course you can afford it. Sounds like he is just making excuses. But you will have less money and there will be restrictions in your life. If neither of you are that bothered then don't. If he is absolutely against and you really want a baby thats a big problem. But if he is just a bit not very enthusuastic then I would just go ahead.

More than affordable, I dont think he wants to start again OP and is using it as an excuse.

Sit down and talk it through, ask him to be 100% honest