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Do you lose your 'voice' when you become a mother?

21 replies

Yorkiegirl · 12/11/2004 08:36

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fio2 · 12/11/2004 08:38

ditto, same here. except i think i did lose half my brain

Tickle · 12/11/2004 08:39

YG I know what you mean, and I do think that being a mum seems to devalue my intelligence.

Mind you, I do feel like I have lost half my brain, so maybe it's not other people's fault...

Tickle · 12/11/2004 08:39

minds that were once great seem to think alike fio!

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fio2 · 12/11/2004 08:40

LOL Tickle!

spacemonkey · 12/11/2004 08:59

YG I distinctly remember feeling like this when my children were small (they're 13 and 11 now). I don't get the same feeling now that they are older at all, but when they were babies/toddlers I'm sure people looked down their nose at me and treated me as if I had no brain. Although I am quite paranoid

Anyone who actually thinks your opinion counts for less isn't worth bothering with anyway. Bollocks to em.

luckymum · 12/11/2004 09:06

I don't feel this way. I think that having children has given me a 'respectability'...that's not the right word really - I mean that my views are respected more.

I do think though that I've felt like this more as the children have got older (they are 16,13 and 11), so maybe its more about feeling more comfortable with myself IYSWIM. My work (when I worked) was always higher paid than my dh so again I never felt undervalued.

Do you think its about how you feel about yourself Yorkiegirl? Do you hold what you do/say in high esteem.

Donbean · 12/11/2004 09:08

i have found the opposite. I dont know whether its because i have gained immence confidence from somewhere since i had DS. I feel very empowered, very confident and very important since i had DS. And what is strange is that i have no idea why this is? It is puzzling to me. I wasnt particularly confident when childless. Its like a whole new perspective on things. I wouldnt say that i am a bull in a china shop or any thing but my thinking has altered in that i dont really care for negative comments towards me. I can brush them off easier and have no problem with challenging people and getting my point across.
I think it may be that i may have had the attitude that you describe prior to DS, now i feel so proud of what my body and mind has endured to be and become a mother. I feel empathetic towards other women i see with children and extremely in awe (sp) of them.
Do you think that it is a confidence thing?
It helps i think because proffessionally i am appreciated and personnally i think that i am too by the people who MOST matter to me. Does this make sense or am i rambling? (Reading it back i sound somewhat arrogant)

Yorkiegirl · 12/11/2004 16:19

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monkeygirl · 12/11/2004 16:30

Yes YG, I have the same experience as you - I don't know why people assume I want to just talk about my children when that's the last thing I want to do (except with certain people). In fact I think I read and listen to the news more now than before so feel more clued up about the world, although I can't deny that my memory seems to have gone to mush (but that could have more to do with age and alcohol )

colinsmommy · 12/11/2004 16:51

Donbean--Your post sounds exactly like how I feel. That, and I finally feel like a "grown up" after having someone to take care of who totally depends on me and DH.

Donbean · 12/11/2004 17:18

Although 90% of my time is taken up with DS and all that goes with him, i do find great interest in conversation about other things with friends both with children and without. Granted i dont feel as "connected" with those friends who do not have children but i value their friendship all the same. If i were to get the feeling that they did not value me and my friendship then im afraid that i wouldnt feel comfortable continuing the asociation.
I must say that DH is superb and although he tells me about his day at work (and the gossip) he always asks me about our day and listens with interest because he has voiced to me many times that he feels that he misses out on DS in a big way when he is working.
We talk now about stuff as much as we ever did and i do not feel that my opinions are undervalued at all.
That said though, i must say that "outside" the home i feel a little more insignificant shall we say when out with Ds in his pram. People are more dismissive. I have several theories regarding this.
1)i look relatively young, so maybe the presumptions people have about me are negative associating a young mother with a baby blah blah blah.
2) Again based on peoples presumtions, that i have nothing else in my life except a baby to "tie me down".
3)that its all i have and will ever do....be a woman with a kid.
These are obviously the thoughts of strangers, who quite frankly do not matter to me.
The people who matter to me are the people who know me and knew me before i was a mother, this is an important point i think. They know how hard i have worked for many years to be succesful in my chosen career. The fact that i have been completely professionally derailed by motherhood is a huge eye opener for me, but a brilliant thing at the same time.
Now i KNOW im rambling, but what a brilliant thread you started.Thankyou, i have enjoyed talking to you very much.

tortoiseshell · 12/11/2004 17:48

Actually, it's scientifically proven that you do lose some of your brain temporarily when you have kids. Made me relieved when I read that, that the madness is not confined to me! However, it does return, and imo is /no/ excuse for not taking your opinion into account. You're definitely in the right Yorkiegirl!

tortoiseshell · 12/11/2004 17:48

Why didn't my lovely italics work then?

Donbean · 12/11/2004 17:51

so true, went to safeway wearing my slippers agin this week , i suspect that is why people look at me funny, not because of my little chap!!!

KateandtheGirls · 12/11/2004 17:51

Well I do feel that part of my brain is missing (), but I don't feel looked down upon at all. In fact, quite the opposite. I feel that people respect me more now than before children, especially as I'm raising them alone.

Donbean · 12/11/2004 17:51

i dont know but your bold was glorious x

handlemecarefully · 12/11/2004 18:27

I haven't come across this really....not sure why. But now you've mentioned I expect I'll start noticing it now!

Donbean · 30/11/2004 19:23

just wanted to bump this one into circulation again because it is so interesting.

squigglesmum · 30/11/2004 22:05

Just been to register dd today. Society values SAHM's so much these days that there is no option for an occupation for me - not even housewife, which I hate, much less homemaker, full-time mother or anything sensible. Grrrr!!

Yorkiegirl · 30/11/2004 22:08

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Thomcat · 30/11/2004 22:19

TBH - no I don't think I have lost my voice, in fact I feel like I've gained a much stronger and much louder one. Perhaps that's because having a child with special needs you have to learn to shout and maybe as I still work 4 days a week lots of the people I deal with, as in the press, don't know anything about me, so don't know I'm a mother. So to answer your question I feel I know more and my opinion counts for more now I've become a mother.

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