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Parenting

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Original poster

Leaving 15 month old for CSection

17 replies

SniggleSnarf · 20/10/2021 10:16

Hoping someone can share an experience or just put my mind at rest a bit!

DD is 15 months old and I'm due to go in for an ELCS on 29/10. Due to the pandemic and me working from home she has only been away from both me and DH for an hour twice for scans.

My SIL who I'm very close to is coming to look after DD when we go in and my mum will be popping in later when she finishes work.

I don't know if its hormones or just because I'm not used to leaving her but I'm panicking a fair bit. SIL does not have her own children but has lots of experience with them.

I suppose it's me just being PFB but it's making me overly anxious, which is not ideal at the moment.

Planning on labelling a lot of meals for the fridge and leaving instructions written on a pad as over the top as this might seem.

Any similar experiences from anyone that went great ?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Reduceddutiesboredom · 20/10/2021 12:37

I think it’s normal to feel a bit anxious the first time you leave your baby with someone else over night, never mind a section, pregnancy hormones and covid getting in the way of normal over nights.

Can you arrange some 1:1 time for your DD and SIL before the section? Ask if SIL can come and see you doing bedtime routine might be helpful as well.

Good luck!

Moonbabysmum · 20/10/2021 13:20

I think you've got 9 days to try and lay the groundwork here.

I'd try to work in a day away from you both, and then a seperate overnight before you go in. I understand your anxiety here, but the important thing is to try to alleviate any anxiety she will feel about being away from you, over the next 9 days.

Ideally, this is something you would have wanted to work on from the first trimester, so there's a lot of ground to cover.

In the end, it's got to happen, and even if she finds it difficult, it's only going to be for 24-48hrs.

tiggerwhocamefortea · 20/10/2021 13:23

Surely it will be just for a few hours - not sure of latest rules but earlier in the year when I had my twins via c section partners were only allowed in for the c section bit and an hour afterwards. No visiting hours although I know places have relaxed that a bit now

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1 year olds Families General parenting

Reduceddutiesboredom · 20/10/2021 13:49

@tiggerwhocamefortea
In my hospital dads are allowed in as normal.

Original poster

SniggleSnarf · 20/10/2021 13:54

Thanks all - this is going to make me sound more over the top but DH will be going home as soon as he can. So it won't be overnight or even for more than 5 hours say.

I did suffer quite badly with PND so never wanted to leave the house or her really. Then went back to work full time from home so never really had the chance to leave her.

We are both very over protective - but she's going to be in safe hands so need to just get over ourselves.

OP posts:

Wagglerock · 20/10/2021 14:00

You'll probably only be in for 1 or 2 nights anyway so I wouldn't worry too much, especially as your DH will be home for most of it. I'll be honest at that age mine didn't even seem to care I'd gone anywhere.

Moonbabysmum · 20/10/2021 14:11

It sounds like she'll be fine 🙂

In the long run though, and with your second child, I think it would be healthy to gradually get them used to being away from you both occasionally. That way, it won't be a shock for them if it happens, you won't need to worry etc.

One of the first times I left my child overnight (she was used to childcare in the day though), was because my husband was in a car accident. I pretty much chucked my 11m old at a friend who was visiting, and went to the hospital, and wasn't back until the next day. Hey being used to being cared for by others occasionally meant I didn't have to worry too much about her, and could concentrate on my husband (who was fine in the end).

It needn't be anything that dramatic either - an appointment you can only take one child to, and a conflicting appointment with your husband, or one of you working away etc.

The occasional day out with family and close friends will also give you a break, and its great for the child's socialisation, and makes it so much easier for them and you, should you ever really need that time.

tiggerwhocamefortea · 20/10/2021 16:01

If im honest the separation from you both will do her and you good it doesn't sound like an overly healthy relationship you have going there

neverornow · 20/10/2021 16:22

If possible have your SIL stay for a night as like practice run. Let her put your DD to bed and you can show her the ropes while she's there? Or buy DD a new toy as a distraction?

I felt exact same leaving my 19 m/o when I had DC2. My husband barely held DC2 at the hospital as was rushing him home! I ended up being away for 5 nights and DC1 was absolutely fine. I bought him some new toys and laid them out for him when I got home so he was ecstatic to see both me and the toys...the few days away from me were quickly forgotten

Miriam101 · 20/10/2021 17:32

I have a 15 mo and I'm about to leave him for a week to go on a work trip. I'm a tiny bit worried but know I'm leaving him and his sibling in safe hands. Your daughter will be absolutely fine. And it sounds like you could both benefit from knowing that you can be apart and come back together again with noone any the worse off. PS Don't go overboard with the labelling of meals or you'll drive people mad!

Original poster

SniggleSnarf · 20/10/2021 17:37

@tiggerwhocamefortea

If im honest the separation from you both will do her and you good it doesn't sound like an overly healthy relationship you have going there

It doesn't sound like I have an overly healthy relationship with my baby?

Now restrictions have lifted she sees a lot of different people and children - it's just that normally me or her dad are in the background.
Granted circumstances are different to what they would have been before the pandemic. She would have gone to nursery etc but only at 12 months roughly.

Would love if you can elaborate on what you find not healthy about the relationship?

Thanks @neverornow that's what I think I'm going to be like! I know she is in very safe hands and hasn't made a fuss admittedly for the short times we have left her - it's more I'm worried she won't be looked after like I would do it. But that has reassured me thank you.

OP posts:

Chelyanne · 20/10/2021 17:48

It will all be fine, do your best to be more relaxed about it. Let them sort meals etc.

I only left our 2nd overnight for the 1st time when our 3rd was born, he was 16.5mth and totally fine without me. I'd decided to become a sahm when my maternity ran out with him too so had not been away from him much in general. My parents are the only ones who have ours overnight, they spoil them so they don't miss me as much as I miss them.

Original poster

SniggleSnarf · 20/10/2021 18:17

Thanks so much everyone

I really think it is my issue - DD is not clingy at all and I have no worries thinking she is going to be upset without me here. Especially as her dad will be there pretty quickly after I have had DD2.

I will relax about the meals etc it's just the same as I would be leaving our dog for a day with my mum, I always portion his meals out and write notes

I think this thread has just shown me I need to get out a bit more. Practically been in since march 2020

OP posts:

Moonbabysmum · 20/10/2021 18:24

Children have been able to go back to nursery now for longer than your little one has been alive. Are you still keeping her off because of covid?

Obviously you don't have to use childcare, but I agree that your set up (and anxiety about her in general) isn't very health.

Being cautious because of covid is good, but it's not healthy or good for your child's socilaisation and development to be 'practically in since march 2020'.

Dollywilde · 20/10/2021 18:30

I also have a 15 month old - I get that it’s hard. But we have been working at time away very gradually over the course of her life and as the pandemic restrictions have allowed, mostly because I knew she would be starting nursery at 13 months and so I didn’t want it to be a huge shock to her. She’s done one night away so far at her besotted granny’s and she’ll be doing 2 nights there next weekend when DH and I finally get to go away for our much-rescheduled ‘baby moon’ (laughs hollowly, I’m already 3 months pregnant with number two!)

It’s not that it’s unhealthy per se but it’s just good for everyone to practice spending a little time apart because you won’t always be able to spend every second together - like with the CS.

Good luck for next week though, I’ll be in your shoes in 6 months and have my fingers crossed it all goes very smoothly for you

Original poster

SniggleSnarf · 20/10/2021 19:30

No not because of covid! Basically my work wanted me back full time and allowed me to work from home whilst looking after baby. The job is quite easy to do just data entry type work and my stats were up due to pushing myself during naptimes etc. My job knew if I had to pay out for nursery I wouldn't go back or at the least very little hours. Nursery fees would wipe my salary out.

Was very hard work and not recommended long term so I will be changing my hours when I go back.

So the being in since march 2020 was a feeble joke my end as it feels that way because I had a baby during pandemic and then on to working from home. Obviously since restrictions lifted we socialise her as much as possible just not without one of us there.

I'm a big fan of her Dad taking her out most evenings when he gets home from work.

Thanks DollyWilde and good luck to you! Hope you enjoy your babymoon

But yes thanks everyone - I feel all silly now. She will be fine with someone else. It's been a very strange time for all of us not what we expected at all. I'm sure you all remember how hard it was leaving your first whether they were 2 weeks, 2 months or 2 years.

OP posts:

SmellyOldOwls · 20/10/2021 19:36

My DS had his first overnight at the grand old age of 4 when I went in to have DD!
He was absolutely fine at the time, but he did wake looking for me at night for a couple of months after. That's not just the overnight though it's the whole big change (and he started school as well in the middle of it)
I think a much younger child would be ok though. They take things as they come at that age.
Nothing wrong with DH going home ASAP. Mine went home an hour after my section - it was after 11pm and we wanted to let my mum go home. It was fine.

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