Do kids sometimes have unruly hair?

[whatnow47]

Sorry to bother you. Hope this is in the right place. This is more of a mother problem. I have diagnosed PTSD and trouble putting things into perspective from constant criticizing.

I look back on photos of my DD and feel sad that her hair was unruly at around age of 2 or 3. Not knotted but sticking up and flyaway, slightly frizzy. When I used to fuss over it she would get upset so I kept it cropped in a bob and gently finger combed. Her hair textured naturally got easier as she got older.

However, my mother would make mean comments and even today will say things to humilate me about her hair. She thinks its a sign of poor parenting if a childs hair is not tidy. She plays favourites and deliberately says 'so and so's hair is always neat and tidy'. She bought my son detangling spray even though it looks pretty good. He has long hair but it looks tidy. She hates it being long and makes critical comments about him looking neglected (he's autistic and does not like his hair cutting but will have it brushed with a tangle teezer and put in a pony tail).

I'm looking for reassurance as I look back on my photos and could weep as I feel like a complete failure.

Thank you

Of course they do. Mine is curly and is never going to look like poker straight neat hair

Also I would keep low contact with your mum. TBH I would be tempted to tell her to STFU about it or ask if she hasn't anything new to talk about I think we have similar mothers

Nothing to worry about on your part, my son has crazy hair and I think it suits him he's little, he has time to worry about what he looks like later!

Kids hair is often messy.
I think this says more about the dynamics of the relationship between you and your Mum to be honest. Is she aware how harmful her criticism is?
Have you considered having less contact with her?

This is definitely all about your mum .

My kids’ hair is constantly messy - DD1 has thick wavy hair with random bits that sprout sideways, and DD2’s hair is fine and slippery and won’t stay in any hairband or clips for long. I don’t see it as a poor reflection on me at all. In fact I don’t even see it as a problem, as long as it’s not going in their food.

Oh yes. DS2 has curly hair that he is extremely resistant to cutting. I finger comb it when he'll let me, and try to wash/condition it once a week, with top up detangling/curling spray through the week.

Sometimes he looks like an angel with beautiful ringlets, sometimes he looks like an 80s model with beautiful big curls, and sometimes he looks like he's been dragged through a hedge backwards. He's only a kit, I'm sure it'll calm down when he gets older :)

(his brother has a standard shorter at the sides, longer on top haircut - but then he has straight hair and can't stand it getting in the way)

I'd be reassessing your relationship, she sounds toxic.

DS currently looks like he crawled through a hedge backwards and always has a beard of dirt regardless of what he's been playing with.
DD has a 80s style mullet as her hair is both curly and straight and is covered in dribble.