Who should be making yr2 pupil happy and engaged?

[SleepingStandingUp]

Yz another conversation with school about DSs sled at work, independence and attitude.

We obv talk o him about his attitude - surly / cranky. We've told him how important school is. And by God I'd love to make him more independent but I have the same issue (ie having to talk him through /constant reminders re getting dressed so we can get out the house)

But the "boring" stuff stuff, surely that's on school to engage him?

I'm at my wits end

What do you call boring stuff?

School and home. What does he enjoy? I would start there and build interest, enthusiasm for learning etc around that thing. Once you have a 'hook' you can intervene in his behaviour and attitude. Can't emphasise enough how a good partnership between teacher and parent makes such a huge difference. A good book is 'how to talk so kids will listen, and listen so kids will talk'.

Do you get involved in his school projects, help him with homework/posters/spot things on tv or YouTube that might help. Try to add interest? Praise him when he does a good job? That's not boring and you should be doing it to support his teachers.

Parents. Schools are often underfunded and have lots of challenges - covid, not enough provision for kids with additional needs, large classes. Parents should try to ensure their kids are engaged and learning the right stuff - ideally working with the school. Of course sometimes it’s not possible - if the parent needs to work long hours to provide food and cover rent etc. But trying to do the best you can to interest the child and help progress (eg help with reading, homework) sounds like it would be useful

He's at school for 6 hours per day, 5 days per week. The rest of the time he's with you. It's up to you to make him more likely to engage with school by being positive about it and not calling schoolwork "boring stuff".

If the rest of the class are behaving ok then the teacher probably won't have time to do extra stuff to specifically engage your child. Sometimes they just need to behave themselves and get on with it. Could you speak to the teacher about how you can help. Maybe you could ask her to report back regularly on his behaviour and you back her up with a sanction and reward system.

Every time I start a reply someone screams or cries at me

HE says school aka writing and concentrating is boring.

He will happily learn orally about stuff he likes - animation, certain cartoons etc but still hates doing anything to do with writing

I thought we had a good relationship with school, always been high contact as he has a 121 due to a physical issue and he started seemingly behind due to little to no speech at 3

We do one project every half term and I do it with him, let him pick something he wants, we do lots of looking on the phone about it etc.
We read to and with his daily, he loves reading. We answer all his questions about stuff like who the first baby born was etc as interestingly as we can. He has books about how things work and happen that he reads a d we read with him. He knows we both read. He knows daddy writes. He now knows Mommy learns too when he's in bed.

So for clarity he calls it boring. I point out all the cool things he knows and how he wouldn't know them if he didn't go to school and learn stuff like reading and writing. He knows I loved school and both parents are positive about school and try to focus on what he's e joyed that day.

I'm not sat picking my nose telling him school is shit but tough and telling at the teachers that I shouldn't have to bother with his education because that's their job.

Apologies if that's not clear.

My point is having done all that, if he's sat in class staring out the window, isn't that moment in time on school? I can't actually sit there a refocus him. Of course we talk about it at home, about how he needs to listen and pay attention, about what's stopping him etc.

His 121 is amazing but he doesn't have her full time (frankly she's needed elsewhere in the class regardless of where her funding is allocated and I'm OK with that, he needs to build independence from her).

Teachers just see a 6 yo who could do it and won't, and I don't feel like in the moment they are interested in finding out why. There's 4, teachers I think Inc our 121, to 30 kids so I do get they haven't got tons of extra staff.

I just feel at the end of my tether with getting him to concentrate in class and feel like I need more help from them. Can't get in with SENCO until 2 weeks after HT.

I think the school is simply keeping you informed about what is happening at school.

It doesn't mean they're not trying to deal with it.

It doesn't mean they expect you to come up with a magic solution.

They're just making sure you know what the current situation is.

@thecatfromjapan

I think the school is simply keeping you informed about what is happening at school.

It doesn't mean they're not trying to deal with it.

It doesn't mean they expect you to come up with a magic solution.

They're just making sure you know what the current situation is.

Maybe. I hear it as a "look you're doing something wrong and now your kid is playing. Fix him or else".

If your child has a 1:1, I doubt the teacher just sees a boy who 'won't' work.

They'll have tried a range of strategies - & the teacher/school will be well aware there are lots of barriers to your child fully engaging.

I really do think this conversation is just about keeping you in the loop about how things are going.

And, basically, it seems your child is still struggling.

Which is difficult news to receive, as a parent.

But it's not your fault, the school's fault, or even your child's fault. Sometimes school is just very challenging for some children - your son faces larger barriers than some other children. You sound very caring and supportive.

Good luck with the meeting with the SENDCo. I really hope you can all work together to support your child.

"Maybe. I hear it as a "look you're doing something wrong and now your kid is playing. Fix him or else". "

I think it's easy to hear it as that. You're a parent: you're conditioned to hear that!!!

It's not, though. They're just telling you that he's still finding things tough, despite the 1:1.

They have to tell you. Imagine how you'd feel if they didn't!

Are you saying there are 4 adults in the class?

Thank you @thecatfromjapan

@toomuchlaundry

Are you saying there are 4 adults in the class?

I think that's right. Miss Main Teacher, Miss 121, Miss Blonde TA, Mrs Older TA. Not sure if they're all full time but I think so. 121 int with him full time as per agreement as he was reliant on her for everything (teacher would say do X he'd look to 121 for confirmation), he's been toilet trained since January, he doesn't use his physical aid she helps with in the morning etc. And tbf there's at least two other boys undergoing assessment for neurodevelopmental stuff and a third with behaviour issues. School will admit it's a complicated intake

Wow, our schools are lucky if they have a TA in for a couple of hours.

Would his physical issues cause him pain/trouble with writing, so putting him off?

So it did, we didn't know as he didn't us but finally ay figured it out. Now uses a pencil grip and he swears ot doesn't hurt but I do think there's some psychological impact from that. And I know I should have known, I hate that I missed it.

@SleepingStandingUp

Every time I start a reply someone screams or cries at me

HE says school aka writing and concentrating is boring.

He will happily learn orally about stuff he likes - animation, certain cartoons etc but still hates doing anything to do with writing

I thought we had a good relationship with school, always been high contact as he has a 121 due to a physical issue and he started seemingly behind due to little to no speech at 3

Animation is your hook OP - start with a picture with bubble writing. Or a comic with a narrative. Don't make it academic, make it visual and creative.

Sorry Freudian do you mean for him to read or write?

I assume he has an ehcp, OP?

It sounds like he needs it reviewing. If school are saying they can't meet his needs (sounds like they might be hinting at that) then some more actions might be needed like getting him assessed by an OT, and having an adhd/asd assesment potentially.

I am a strong believer that is a child 'can' perform in order to fit in and not get in trouble, they will! It sounds like he needs more support/understanding from school.

So the psychologist has asked community paed to review for neurodevelopmental stuff as it isn't their forte. Adhd does fit him 50/50 based on the online tests.

I said to psych today I feel like to scho he USED to be a boy who needed an EHCP around his learning but now he can talk, reads above his age, CAN perform above expected in all but PE (coordination of a drunk otter) they now expect him to perform like an ordinary kid. But he isn't ordinary. He spent birth to toddler hood in and out of hospital, he's got some physical needs remaining, he couldn't communicate until close to 4. He can't just flex back to ordinary kid cos his mould has always had a little kink

@SleepingStandingUp

Sorry Freudian do you mean for him to read or write?

Either, writing letters and words will improve literacy in general.

Sounds like maybe Dyspraxia?